Someone, please, hold a gun to my head

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I have to do my Christmas cards today.

Okay. Holiday cards, there's a lot of Jews in the family and a bunch of pagans and a few assorted ones that aren't anything at all.

I was supposed to do them over Thanksgiving.
I was supposed to be do them Friday.
I am supposed to be doing them now.

How are you doing?

Joe(I'll be back to check)Nation

Where's that address file from last year?

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Are you Jewish, Joe?

(that explains the big nose)

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God! Why the hell did I say that?

I am such a insensitive prick.

Is that redundant?

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How was copper wire invented?

Two Jews fighting over a penny.

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SOMEONE STOP ME!!

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Stop.

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Someone is off the frigging list.

Joe(yeah you.)Nation

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I told you to go easy, kicky.

What does it get you?

You're off the list.

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I like sending New Year's greetings in January...

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last year I produced my own cards with billy bob thornton as bad santa getting wasted.

this year, god, I don't know....A christmas story with that kid putting his eye out?

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Joe, if it's this much torture, then why bother doing them? Is it guilt? Cause feeling guilt is useless, unless it's part of your DNA and you inherited it. I inherited guilt, but I still don't send cards.

I don't particularly like getting holiday cards. Especially the laundry list ones, where they rattle off every event they participated in during the year, save for wiping their a**es 365 times.

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Hmmm if I waited until Jan I could send Superbowl cards. That's our National Holy Day anyway, right?

Joe(this is good)Nation

Kicky doesn't get a card because I dont know where he lives, I know where you are, you bearded freak, and when I get there... .

I have to go address a card to my brother the priest.

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i was glad to hear that the canadian government has signed an order-in-council forbidding its citizens to send any "holiday greetings" from now on .
i can wish , can't i ?
hbg

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Okay, got the brother done.
He always loves to hear from the atheist sib.

Now for the other hundred or so.

Joe(our family is crawling with diversity)Nation

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Gala wrote:

Joe, if it's this much torture, then why bother doing them? Is it guilt? Cause feeling guilt is useless, unless it's part of your DNA and you inherited it. I inherited guilt, but I still don't send cards.

I don't particularly like getting holiday cards. Especially the laundry list ones, where they rattle off every event they participated in during the year, save for wiping their a**es 365 times.

Well, first, and I meant to say this before, I'm a procrastinator AND a former Catholic (guilt DNA) from an Irish Catholic (double in spades guilt DNA) family who married into a Jewish family (Stratospheric double in spades guilt DNA) all of whom expect cards (What? Was your hand broken? --that from the Catholics) from the Jews I get 'It would have been nice to be though about but nevermind about us''... . (I think they talk to each other behind my back.

Okay, time for younger brother.

Joe(I'll be back)Nation

Who said that?

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I don't send Christmas cards. I'm a self centered prick.

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There is so much more honesty here on the humor forum than there is over on Politics.

Joe(why is that?)Nation

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Joe Nation wrote:

...Well, first, and I meant to say this before, I'm a procrastinator AND a former Catholic (guilt DNA) from an Irish Catholic (double in spades guilt DNA) family who married into a Jewish family (Stratospheric double in spades guilt DNA)...

Yeah? Well, I'm from an Irish Catholic family, married into a Chinese family
and my daughter is marrying into a Jewish family.
George (guiltier than thou) Soccer

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Oh, boy...you know the grandmother of the groom is going to be so so happy.

Yeah, but you have a better PR for 2000 meters than I do.

Joe(so so)Nation

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Ah, the joys of paganism.

They put us out of business before the greeting card industry began--so no solstice cards.

Dickens was commissioned to write A Christmas Carol because sales of Christmas presents had been off for a few years, and merchants wanted to promote a renewed interest in the holiday. Christmas greeting cards were brought out at the same time as the novella.

Capitalism . . . don't leave home without it.

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Someone, please, hold a gun to my head

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