hephzibah wrote:Him saying to you, "nothing I've done has made you happy.", # 1 makes you feel guilty. # 2 shifts the responsibility off of himself .... # 3 It puts all the responsibility on you to make him happy because as long as you are not able to be pleased he's not happy, which then makes it all YOUR fault he's not happy. /Quote:
Hi heph, cypher and sozobe,
I thought a lot about what you (and others) said about this & I agree with you. So does my counsellor - who I saw today. She also said my husb perhaps phrased my "going back home to Oz" in the way that he did to make himself try to come out of this looking like the good guy...which is I think was what you were also alluding to. "I tried everything, NOTHING made her happy so I let her go to a place where she could find happiness ..." kind of thing. Meh. Such BS.
She said he needs to overcome his own fear or anxiety or whatever-it-is over marriage counselling & commit to it. Even if it's just one visit. For a guy who says he's open, caring & honest, I find his fear of the unknown understandable but such obstinance so selfish. We've both hurt each other a lot so I asked him to consider the counselling as starting over. We'll see what happens.
The counsellor & I also talked about strategies for my emotional health. She said ditching the masters was a healthy choice at this time. I know. I can hear the shouts of protest, but I'm a wreck. I can't cry any more over it. I have to dust myself off and move on - give it another go in a few years time. The timing is all wrong at the moment.
I really appreciate your advice and feedback on this and I have SO appreciated your help in terms of suggesting I stick with study but eating my own head would be an easier thing to do at this stage. God knows I tried but there's too much to catch up on. My inner health takes priority at the mo. If I can push study aside & re enrol in a couple of years time & start over, then I'll do that.
sigh.
Thank you, thank youagain
jazzie
Jazzie, I am so happy for you that you are pursuing help in this. Stay strong girl. You'll make it through. Anything you need... just holler.
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate coming here and reading such supportive responses. Honestly, I've felt so alone is this mess and it has made a big difference to me, emotionally, to be able to get it out without boring everybody to tears LOL It's all good. As for me, my husb & I are still trying to sort thru stuff. He does things I don't understand & vice versa. I'm just going slowly with it.
