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Worst musicals ever

 
 
Reply Sun 15 Jun, 2003 11:57 pm
Although I hate musicals, I admit a grudging like for Les Miserables, which was of course based on the great Victor Hugo epic. This got me to wondering what people's nominations would be for worst musical adaptations of books ever. Here are a few of my humble suggestions (all of which should be followed by 'the musical'):

1. Ulysses
2. The Silence of the Lambs
3. Waiting for Godot
4. Rememberance of Things Past
5. Naked Lunch
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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 14,668 • Replies: 123
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Mr Stillwater
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 01:17 am
How's about 'Cannibal: the Musical", based on the the life and culinary exploites of Alfred Packer. Who couldn't enjoy something like the TRAPPER SONG:

I can catch a helpless animal,
Skin it with my bare hands.
I wake up muddy,
And I go to bed bloody,
'Cause I'm a trappin' man.

I can brave the nastiest weather.
Weather!
Even if it's 80 below.
Below!
My pa was an elephant, but that's irrelevant.
My ma was an Eskimo.

I eat rabbits' heads for breakfast.
Breakfast!
With beaver butt on the side.
The side!
My mind's magnificent and my body no different.
I'm full of trapper pride!

Yo-ho! Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Rip their fur, cut their skin with my knife.
Yo-ho! Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
One thing's for sure, there's nothing like a trappin' life!

I'm badder than the baddest sailor!
Sailor!
I make love to women to 10 feet tall.
Good lord!
I've got a chest of wonder and balls of thunder.
I can break right through a wall.

I love the sound of metal,
Metal!
Snapping on an animal's head.
Ka-chink!
Sometimes they scamper
Sometimes they whimper
But they always end up dead.

I've always wanted to be somebody
Who didn't get pushed around.
Now that I'm a trapper,
I'm the meanest guy around.
(Frenchy interrupts)
Second meanest!

The blood of a fresh-cut rodent
Is as sweet as brandy wine.
And the brain of an antelope
Tastes like cantelope.
What a yummy life!

Yo-ho! Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
Rip their fur, cut their eyes out with my knife.
Yo-ho! Yo-ho! Yo-ho!
0 Replies
 
cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 06:49 am
Only Trey Parker could have pulled that off....I especially like the bit about eating rabbit's heads for breakfast...
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:12 am
I'm thinkin' a musical based on the life and times of Millard Fillmore.
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:23 am
Or Taft...dude had a pet cow and died in a bathtub...he is a hero in my wealthy Jewish neighbourhood for building up the Phillipines. Now there are plenty of housekeepers around to exploit Very Happy
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:24 am
Schindler's List
The Good The Bad and The Ugly
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
The English Patient
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bobsmyth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:27 am
Paint Your Wagon. Can you imagine being serenaded by such legendary crooners as Clint Eastwood and Lee Marvin? It was terrible. While living in Madeira I woke to the melodic strains of Lee Marvin. How on Earth a Portuguese station found it was beyond belief. How far away do you have to go?
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:35 am
Jean Genet's 'Our Lady of the Flowers'
Sartre's 'Nausea'
My Dinner with Andre
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:38 am
Saving Private Ryan
The Hound of the Baskervilles
The Pit and the Pendulum
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bobsmyth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:38 am
Edgar and Cav: Are you sure these are musicals?
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blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:39 am
I'm constantly on the lookout for Hitler On Ice...or Jews In Space.....
I'm beginning to think Mel was pulling my leg......
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:44 am
Sure they are, bob - In our imaginations.
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 08:45 am
Oh, yeah -
Remembrance of Things Past
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 09:04 am
Yeah, bob, we're making up worst musical adaptation fantasies, i.e. what book, play or movie would make the worst musical.

Black Hawk Down
Blake's 'Vala, or the Four Zoas'
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 09:06 am
Ooh, speaking of Hitler on Ice (I saw that as a kid, and so wanted it to be true...), what about "Walt Disney: The Nazi Years"?
0 Replies
 
blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 09:13 am
How 'bout "I Feel Pretty..the Secret Life Of J Edgar Hoover"?
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 09:13 am
The Flinstones Meet the Jeffersons

Hit Theme Song:

"Well we're movin' on up
to the Neander Valley
to a deluxe apartment
in a ca-ave!
Yeah, we're movin' on up
(movin' on up)
to the Ice Age,
we finally got met a cavemen named Dave!

<quick key change>

Jeffersons! Meet the Jeffersons!
They're a Stone Age spun-off family!
From the
town of New York
Check out the skins on Sherman Hel-lmsley!"
0 Replies
 
Equus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 09:15 am
Top Ten worst ideas for musicals:

10. Jonathan Livingston Seagull - the musical.

9. Living History (the Autobiography of Hillary Clinton) - the musical.

8. Greater Cedar Rapids, Iowa Yellow Pages - the musical.

7. Koyaanisqatsi - the musical.

6. The Book of Mormon - the musical.

5. Principia Mathematica - the musical.

4. Shoah- the musical.

3. Upton Sinclair's The Jungle - the musical.

2. Johnny Got His Gun - the musical.

1. Mein Kampf - the musical. (apologies to "Springtime For Hitler")
0 Replies
 
bobsmyth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 09:18 am
A faux pas. I misunderstood the title for the intent. Let me atone by listing my choices.

The Ra Expeditions Thor Heyerdahl
Origin of Species Charles Darwin
Silent World Jacques Yves Cousteau
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Mon 16 Jun, 2003 09:23 am
I do not believe I have seen a musical I didn't like. On my trip to London last March for the London Gathering, I saw three musicals, and enjoyed them all. Phantom, Les Mis, Jolson, We Will Rock You, Showboat, Grease, Chicago, Smokey Joe's Cafe, show the wide range of musicals that I have enjoyed. c.i.
0 Replies
 
 

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