Give Me a Flirting Tutorial

Littlek,
Thanks for posting such an interesting topic...I'm getting ready to meet a friend out. I'm making mental notes just in case someone catches my eye.
I've been out of the dating loop and almost don't even know what the hell I'm supposed to do. My friends keep telling me to get off my ass and get out there. I just feel that something will happen when the time is right.

Ask him if he wants to jump in the sake.

The guy was doing something called hand drafting (I know this because it's what RP did for a living when we met; he now drafts on a computer).

Hi, I don't mean to bother you, but that looks really interesting. Is that a floor plan for a restaurant?
{he answers in some way}
Cool. Now, I know that drafting can be done on a computer. Is this a preliminary sketch that will end up that way?
{he answers in some way}
Y'know, it's kind of a pity. I mean, it's artwork and all. But I guess the computerized version must be easier to use in some way.
{he answers in some way}
Are you an architect? What a fascinating profession. Boston is such an interesting place for architecture, all those different styles. Which one do you prefer?
{he answers in some way}
Is there a building like that around here?
{he answers in some way}

Right about here, you're on your own, but the idea I have is to give some interest and generalized praise, then move onto something he has to think about. I think most people enjoy thinking about things that they like. E. g. if you met a chef, you might ask him his favorite restaurant; if you met a gardener, you might ask him about his favorite plant.

I realize I'm out of practice and perhaps it's too technical and is staying at the technical level too much. Hmmm.

Interesting. From Sozobe's and Jespah's how-to advice, it now seems that this really nice lady at the Berkeley BART station last year was trying to flirt with me. When she noticed I was reading a book (Mencken), she asked me if I had read the Harry Potter books, too. When I said "yes" she started smiling and said she hadn't read them herself but her niece had. Then she very persistently solicited my opinion about them, continuously smiling until my train arrived 20 minutes later. Are you telling me this wasn't really about literature?

Littlek, I'm not sure whether it puts you in good company that I'm a dysfunctional flirtist, but at least you are not alone.

'Twasn't about literature.

Wear a white tank top with no bra. While making eye contact, start splashing water on your chest.

Just say "hi, whatcha' doing?" and take the conversation from there. I think most guys love it when women initiate conversation, it's flattering.

I haven't eaten at Ginza in a couple of years. Yesterday I went to Mr. Sushi on Mass. Ave, Arlington, it was very, very good. I want to go back to Fugakyu again soon too, that place is cool.

Reminds me of Kicky's book in the back pocket thread...

Since we're on the subject, k, maybe the guy who kept pouring the sake was flirting with you?

That occurred to me too...

(I thought we all knew the first guy was flirting with l'k )

(They're a little slow, ehBeth. )

Data to be processed..

I know what you mean about being flirt-impaired. Often times, I realize after the fact that what had just happened between me and a new lady was probably flirting. What is even sadder is that I have learned to do the same thnig right back and then walk away...feeling as though I was just being 'sociable'.

Oh....you mean that sociability can be turned into asking someone out? How novel an idea that is!

Now, can I start over in my mid-20s with the knowledge that I have now?

Hopefully I won't have to worry about flirting how-tos anymore, but I sure do know the feeling of not knowing how to go about it...and I know just what you mean about being worried you won't have anything to say-- like, I could do the initiation part without too much problem, but then I just figure I'd have nowhere to go with it.

And actually it's a more significant thing than just not being good at flirting-- it's such an good life skill to be able to draw people out and think of questions to ask, not just when you're interested in someone that way. My mom has always been brilliant at it and I tried to pick it up from her, but I don't think I did... <sigh>

First guy was married. I thought maybe he was wingman to the drafter.

Ah well. Maybe another time.

<mental note: check out Mr Sushi>

Littlek, littlek, littlek....<shaking head>

Just cuz he's married doesn't mean he wasn't flirting. We married folk aren't dead, y'know. That was definitely flirting.

<throws up hands>

I thought he was being nice and drumming up return business.

They're not mutually exclusive...

I can see a fundamental perception problem with Lil' Kay here . . . flirting is not a discrete activity that one whips out of one's hip pocket for use in particular situations in which one thinks it would be useful. People who succeed at flirting only succeed because they behave in a casual and natural manner. Flirting is how they deal with nearly everyone. A man has to be careful, for example, when flirting with another man, because: a--you don't want to encourage illusions in a homosexual man if you are not homosexual yourself; and, b--you don't want some neanderthal to freak out and attempt to beat you up because he thinks you're coming on to him. But, otherwise, with those caveats noted, i flirt with absolutely everybody, all the time. My Sweetiepie Girl often says that if she is ever out in public with me, and i'm not flirting, she's going to call the paramedics, and check for a pulse.

Sure the first guy was flirting with you Lil' Kay--and that's OK, it's OK to flirt with absolutely everyone. It's just not OK to practice deceit, or to manipulate others on false pretenses.

Setanta wrote-



That depends, possibly, on the meaning given to the word "flirt". It can easily be confused with the word "flatter". One might pretend to flirt with a batty aunt at a wedding reception for any number of practical reasons.

Flirting, from the male perspective is the initial and early development stage of the process leading to rumpy-pumpy.

I'm not sure what it represents to ladies. The evidence suggests, and a large number of the best writers concur, that it is the initial and early development stage of a process leading to increases in cash flow or some other materiality such as a better degree or a promotion which are felt to be useful for the former purpose.

Those ladies to whom such things are of no consequence, such as aristocratic ladies, have presumably other motives but I hardly think A2K is the right place to go into that aspect of things. They are hardly likely to be on here anyway.

As to flirting techniques- well lies and deceit are a necessary aid.

But aside from that one should try to assess one's capacities realistically and pitch accordingly. Nature will take it's course under the twin principles already outlined providing there is proximity.

The best flirters get first pick and as the remainder slowly shrink down to the last two they then have no alternative.

Pitching higher than one deserves has spawned a whole trillion dollar sector of the economy in which lies and deceit are the prime, indeed only, movers. From eloqution and deportment lessons, through all the bottles in the bathroom and all the clothes in the racks up to surgical techniques of a bewildering variety.