Can something come out of long-distance meeting?

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OK, I've usually received decent advice on here before (barring those few people that feel the need to do nothing but leave obnoxious insults...)

But most have been great, so here goes another question for you all. It might be long as I have a tendency to ramble but bear with me....and thank you in advance :-)

Not so long ago I had a terrible experience with someone I was working with that I dated for a while, and it really crushed me when it ended. I went out with a bunch of people and never seemed to really click with them. I'm told I'm very attractive, never have a problem attracting people with either looks or personality, but finding someone you are compatible with isn't always easy.

So anyway, I was perusing the new york "craigslist" website, and noticed there was a website for London in the Uk as well. I was curious so I checked it out and noticed they had a "personals" section on there. Lots of people posted on there looking for just new people to hang out with when they were visiting, and since I have been wanting to go to the UK to visit anyway I put up an ad just looking to meet someone new. I didn't think I'd get any feasible responses anyway, was mostly bored, but ended up getting loads of responses (I guess putting up a picture helps!). Seriously , like 100 guys responded in the first week. Most were not too thrilling, but one in particular caught my attention.

He didn't even send me a picture, there was just something about the way he wrote that was funny, endearing, intelligent and witty that I just loved. He sent me a photo eventually and I immediately felt this attraction. He wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but he was cute and had this really sexy appeal to him. We have been emailing back and forth almost every day (and spoken on the phone twice, but that gets expensive long distance!) and with each email I love his personality more. Apparently it is reciprocal, because he goes on about how he thinks I am brilliant and gorgeous and hilarious and that I can't be for real (his words.) When I read what he writes me I feel like I'm speaking to someone I've been friends with for ages. Going out on a limb, he told me if I ever wanted to visit London he would let me stay with him and his roomates, no expectations, that I could take his room and he'd sleep on the couch, and that he would gladly show me around London for a weekend or whatever. i figured why not, and got a plane ticket and am supposed to be going there in the next month or so.

I guess my question is.....is this even worth thinking about? I get so excited when I see I have an email from him, and every time I look at his pictures I get this huge smile on my face and we've both made it clear we are really excited about meeting each other. I guess I have been hurt so many times that even though I am going to visit, I am scared inside that if it is as good in person as I think it will be, can anything come of it with someone that lives on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean from me? Has anyone out there ever had this kind of experience? I feel like Im leaving something out but this is long enough and if I think of anything later I'll throw it out there.....but it's a start for now. Thanks for any advice.

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WhatToDo,

Meeting people online is never a good idea. It's much easier to make connections through the internet, much easier to feel that you have things in common or that you are compatible, when in real life you aren't. Meeting in real life will be awkward because the small talk is out of the way with but you still need that smalltalk to get comfortable with each other. Assuming you get over that initial awkwardness, perhaps you do like each other...but now you don't like nearby. We all know that relationships which go long distance have a miserable success rate.

But seen as how you've already got the ticket, there's no sense doubting it now, just keep looking forward to it. Don't get your expectations too high, because everyone has their faults and you can be assured that you're not seeing them online.

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I think you should definitely go and meet him. You'll always wonder if you don't.

However, planning to stay at his place is NOT a good idea. It isn't safe. Make hotel reservations now.

Sometimes people are exactly what they seem to be online. For your sake, I hope this guy turns out to be one of those. But he may not. You don't know. Better safe than sorry.

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Eva wrote:

Sometimes people are exactly what they seem to be online.

And sometimes even better..

Go, WhaToDo, go!

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Go, enjoy, have a blast, but get a hotel reservation. You can always check out early if the guy and the roommates turn out ok, but at least you'll have a place to stay as a fallback.

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WhatToDo,

Some time ago, I met this guy online and we made plans to meet offline. We met in yahoo chat one night when both of us were in there singing. I loved his voice, he loved my voice and the rest is history. We left chat and talked outside the chat room for hours. Seemed like I had known him forever. Truely! Our meeting was set up in a public place. We started making plans in the month of May and our meeting was set for 2 months later on July 4th, which also happens to be my birthday. So he was coming to this big party that was going to have well over 100 people. Safe enough, eh? He lived in Canada, so he would need to spend the night in a hotel. He was fine with that, I was fine with that ....everything was set.

Prior to him coming to Ohio, he was going to be out of town for 3 weeks on a business trip. He would no sooner get back from that trip, and it would be within a week of us meeting.

It never happened. A day or so after he got home from his trip, I logged onto messenger and there was a boat load of offlines from some girl that he had just spent 3 weeks with. Yeah, THAT was his business trip. :wink: Like a dumbass, he used her computer to talk with me a couple of times while he was at her house. He didn't erase his tracks. So she found out about me. Turned out that him and her had known each other for a long time and had just met in person for the first time on that trip.

I just wanted you to know that I agree with JB and Eva. Be careful and protect yourself. While for the most part I think people are on the up and up ....... you still need to err on the side of caution. I didn't do that with the guy from Canada. We'd have met if it wasn't for this girl sending me all those offlines. I'm so glad he never got near me, now.

On the flip side of the coin ...... I know people who met online and are very very happy! Smile

Just cover all of your bases and be safe!

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Hi all

Thanks for posts so far

Just wanted to throw out something about the whole safety issue.....Maybe it's silly, but I feel like I'm very good at gauging people and he really gives me no inclination of being anything than what he says.

Also, i did a little snooping, as I know his first and last name and know where he works (he works as an editor for a very famous magazine that is popular both in the UK as well as here in America) and his pictures match the ones on the website for the magazine so I don't really have any worries about him being anything other than what he appears, so I don't have really any reservations as far as safety and staying with him. If worse comes to worse I have some aquaintances in England that I could call on last minute. Just didn't really want (or have the money) to put up a hotel reservation if I didn't need one, ya know? Anyhoo, back to reading all your posts :-) Just wanted to throw that out there

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You know, Ted Bundy was a lawyer, he was charming and attractive -
yet he was a serial killer.

Please meet in a public place, and stay in a hotel. Have fun
and enjoy yourself, but safety is not an option, it is a requirement.

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True.....Just seems like an awful lot of work on his part to meet some girl thousands of miles away, introduce her to your roomates over the phone (both male and female roomates), tell her where you work, and then wait two months for her to fly across the ocean just so you can have one shot of being a serial killer....

Unless he's jsut a very patient one, which I suppose is possible but probably unlikely....

Anyway, I will try to be very careful, I promise. Meet in public, if I have any inclination that something is wrong I will jet out of there and go to a hotel.

But I dont think that will be the case. Im actually more worried here that we'll like each other too much and then I'll be depressed when I have to go home.....silly isn't it?

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I have a number of friends who have met people from far away having talked with them online and who are now in successful relationships. So I'm all for the adventure part.

Ted Bundy etc. could be a guy you meet in regular daily life too - of course then you have your own place, whatever good it does you. But I agree on the hotel or stay with friends thing, and the first meeting in a public place. Assuming he really is a good guy, he'll understand and respect you for it. I'd also suggest not counting on it working out.... though it might.

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WhatToDo wrote:

True.....Just seems like an awful lot of work on his part to meet some girl thousands of miles away, introduce her to your roomates over the phone (both male and female roomates), tell her where you work, and then wait two months for her to fly across the ocean just so you can have one shot of being a serial killer....

Yeah, I wouldn't be too worried about being murdured...much more likely would be the two of you getting drunk and him taking advantage of you.

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stuh505 wrote:

WhatToDo wrote:
True.....Just seems like an awful lot of work on his part to meet some girl thousands of miles away, introduce her to your roomates over the phone (both male and female roomates), tell her where you work, and then wait two months for her to fly across the ocean just so you can have one shot of being a serial killer....

Yeah, I wouldn't be too worried about being murdured...much more likely would be the two of you getting drunk and him taking advantage of you.

Don't worry Stuh :-) If that is the only concern I wouldn't be too worried. I'm usually the one taking care of the drunken fools, not the other way around, and if anyone should be worried about being taken advantage of while they're drunk it would probably be him, lol, and I have a feeling he wouldn't mind so it wouldn't be taking advantage of in that case. :-) Maybe it's my russian heritage, vodka in the veins or whatnot, but it takes me an awful lot to get drunk, and have NEVER, not once in all my college outings (and I went to college in New Orleans, mind you) have I ever gotten so drunk I didnt know what I was doing or couldnt take care of myself....I don't drink much nowadays anyway.

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Hey, I wasn't the one warning you to be careful Smile

But maybe the older girls are a better voice of reason in that regards than I. Have fun...

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Get a hotel room and use it. I think it is very, very silly to stay at his house.
Foolish, even.

And you need a lot of money. A phone card, a credit card, and a phone.

Other than that, have a good time and good luck.

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Personally I would not go for a long distance relationship, unless I was already in love, before I was thinking about the problems, or there was an end in sight.

Long distance for ever? No way!

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I will give my experience on a long distance relationship. We did not meet on-line, but met when we were both on vacation - me with a group of friends - him with one other friend. Basically we saw each other across a crowded room - yep that is how it started - we danced, talked, etc. We met up the next night too and then the next day I flew home. He lived across country (not overseas, but a 4 hour or longer plane ride).

I did really expect much, but we began to call each other and email regularly. This guy is the type when he knows he wants something he goes and gets it basically. I went to visit a couple of months later - he came and visited me another couple months after that. We talked about me moving - because of various circumstances it would be a year before I could do that - he decided he didn't want to wait and he moved. We are now married with two young children.

I have also heard of many people meeting via email/internet type of dating services. I think my only concern, since you two haven't met face to face and you traveling to a different country is your personal safety. (And I was concerned for myself even after meeting him face to face) Make sure you have friends/family who know your schedule and how to reach you. I would also suggest that you reserve a hotel or to save on money a B&B. England has lots of inexpensive B&Bs. Also, if for some reason you have some falling out - you have some where to go. And if for some reason it doesn't work out - England is a wonderful place to visit - you could always make a vacation out of it as well. I would go - just make the appropriate safety backups for yourself. Nothing ventured - nothing gained.

As far as the picture matching with his job - he could have downloaded that picture and is taking this person's identity - not saying he has done that and that he isn't who he says he is - but it is always better to play safe.

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Rule number one for me for someone who lives outside my area is that before they even correspond with me is that they must have the means to fly here or fly me to their location. I put this caveat in my profile. Funny thing is that men eat this up.

I have offers to meet guys from all over, I have a guy coming up from LA this weekend, another from Monterey the following weekend, a guy in Detroit wants me to fly up for Thanksgiving weekend and go to the Lions game. I have guys in Arkansas, Reno, Dallas, Chicago and even Alaska who want me to make travel plans.

No way I would pay my way to go see anyone. That's bullshit.

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Wow Roxxxanne, I don't mean to be blunt, but you seem a little arrogant. I find it hard to believe that you have all those men at your beck and call. I suppose it's possible. But then, if you can get all these internet guys, why aren't you dating guys in your own area?

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To be honest - I would rather pay for myself, than have anyone pay for me. I am an independent woman who can take care of myself - I don't need any sugar daddy.

The other thing besides my pride - is safety. If so one you never met before is willing to shell out all this money that you met over the internet - he probably wants something more than just friendship and a get to know you better - to me accepting this sort of payment is pretty close to prostitution. Even in a bar, if a man I didn't know paid for a drink for me - I would return the favor. No need to confuse the issue in you owe him (even though you never do); why would I want to deal with it.

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Re meeting people online: I met my current wife online. We clicked from the moment we met and she truly is my soulmate. That being said, I had to deal with a lot of frogs-- including 2 from Eastern Europe-- before I found my princess.

It's all been said before-- Be careful about how much information you divulge, meet in a public place, etc. And if they ask to borrow money (as some of my acquaintances did), regardless of how heartbreaking the sob story, RUN don't walk for the nearest exit.

Good luck!

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Can something come out of long-distance meeting?

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