Re: Is Marriage a matter of conscience?
NoNe wrote:hephzibah wrote:Ok, I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about marriage (not to each other of course) and he said that technically I am divorced because I am over 1000 miles away from the one I married, he doesn't give a rats arse about me or what I do obviously, and neither of us love each other anymore... Now there's just a piece of paper between us, which technically is not a "marriage"
Hmmmm... It all sounds well and good. Even makes a bit of sense actually. Yet that raises another question for me then... What's the point of marriage if all it boils down to is a piece of paper signed by a judge? That much doesn't make sense to me. What do you all think? Is marriage a matter of conscience? A commitment made by two people to each other that really doesn't mean anything unless the two actually follow through with that commitment?
Of course I also have a slight doubt in some of the things he says as I think his ulterior motive here is to sleep with me... LOL
Any takers here?
well that piece of paper very often means much more than just what it seems like. Very often, when u tear that paper off, u give away half of what u earned, pay child support, move out, lose ur face and respect(this is in some cases, if u ask me like what? I can give u examples) and blah blah blah.
now first we need to think what is it which makes a marriage, an oath turn into "just a paper"?
Well, I understand both sides of this I think. Both sides really have advantages as well as disadvantages. However, I tend to lean towards not getting married having more advantages than getting married. Just a matter of opinion at this point. You know, I think there was a time that marriage, for the most part, was viewed by the majority of society as something sacred, something not to be messed with. Not saying there was never divorce or problems, but people actually married someone and stayed with them, hell or high water.
The relationship was more than "a piece of paper". People were more careful about "who" they married as well. Because the person you married is the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Now... I know I'm talking about days that are loooong since gone by. But there was a time that was actually true. I feel that now a days marriage has become something viewed more as disposable. If it doesn't work out... well... oh well... there's plenty more fish in the sea... It seems as though being married three times is perfectly socially acceptable. Totally normal. Almost to be expected in some cases.
I still lean towards the idea that if you marry someone you stay with them, you work together to work through the problems. You commit. You follow through. And you grow together through it. Yes, this is a soon to be divorcee talking about this. Yes, I walked away from my marriage. But it's a two way street, as with all relationships. One person can't pull all the weight. One person can't support the relationship on their own. One person can't take responsibility for all the problems. That is disaster in the making, if you as me. It takes two to tango. Two to be committed enough to face the issues and overcome them together.
A little piece of paper doesn't decide how committed those in the relationship will be though. It just says "hey, we're married... for now..." I still think all the above things I listed above apply to a non-marriage relationship. It's about commitment to one another, to the relationship, to doing your best to work things out even when it gets tough. That's just how I feel about it though. I guess I could still be living in a fantasy here. Because it seems to me the idea of commitment has really evaporated in our society.
Well, the idea is that there won't be a divorce.
I never wanted to be a divorce statistic and I wound up being one; living common-law would have been much better for the split. 