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Is Marriage a matter of conscience?

 
 
NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Sep, 2006 03:45 pm
When I got divorced I lost a pile of money after dividing my assests with my ex-wife and paying alimony for two years. Then there's the tax bracket thing. Marraige just don't make sense.
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JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Sep, 2006 04:18 pm
Laughing Well, the idea is that there won't be a divorce.
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Sep, 2006 04:43 pm
LOL Good point JB! Laughing
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NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Sep, 2006 04:45 pm
Hey! That was MY idea too! "Till Death do us Part". However, another day with her would have killed me.
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Sep, 2006 05:11 pm
I feel ya nickfun. No doubt about it. Razz

Question is how can you make such a promise to anyone? Really... think about it...
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Eva
 
  1  
Reply Mon 11 Sep, 2006 07:20 pm
Sometimes we make promises we can't keep.

It's as simple (and as complicated) as that.
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Sep, 2006 09:54 am
Well, here in BC, Canada, a common-law relationship means nothing in the event one of the partners dies. You have to have a will to ensure your partner gets anything, otherwise, it could go to the partner's children first, parents second, and siblings third. I say "could" because that's the system as I've been told but I don't know of any actual cases.

Federally and provincially, however, you have to report and pay taxes based on your marital state, and common-law is the SAME as married... so how about that?

I don't see any benefits at all in marriage. Well, I guess it could give someone a sense of security. However, I felt trapped the five years I was married, so it didn't do that for me Smile I never wanted to be a divorce statistic and I wound up being one; living common-law would have been much better for the split.

These days it is so much more acceptable to have kids out of wedlock, extended families, exes and steps and halfs all attending family events - I really don't see a purpose in marriage.

Just my 2 cents worth. :wink:
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NoNe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Sep, 2006 09:21 pm
Re: Is Marriage a matter of conscience?
hephzibah wrote:
Ok, I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about marriage (not to each other of course) and he said that technically I am divorced because I am over 1000 miles away from the one I married, he doesn't give a rats arse about me or what I do obviously, and neither of us love each other anymore... Now there's just a piece of paper between us, which technically is not a "marriage"

Hmmmm... It all sounds well and good. Even makes a bit of sense actually. Yet that raises another question for me then... What's the point of marriage if all it boils down to is a piece of paper signed by a judge? That much doesn't make sense to me. What do you all think? Is marriage a matter of conscience? A commitment made by two people to each other that really doesn't mean anything unless the two actually follow through with that commitment?

Of course I also have a slight doubt in some of the things he says as I think his ulterior motive here is to sleep with me... LOL

Any takers here?

well that piece of paper very often means much more than just what it seems like. Very often, when u tear that paper off, u give away half of what u earned, pay child support, move out, lose ur face and respect(this is in some cases, if u ask me like what? I can give u examples) and blah blah blah.
now first we need to think what is it which makes a marriage, an oath turn into "just a paper"?
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Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 Sep, 2006 09:45 pm
What good is any oath if there's no desire to live together anymore? Promises like that aren't guaranteeable, and it's silly to think they are. "Yes, I will love you forever"... what bosh. You can't predict the curves life with throw you and how you're going to react (never mind your partner). If you don't feel that way anymore, why stay together?

I think marriage is another form of prison... many people say, 'but we're married', as if it's a locked door. If you WANT to be together, you'll be together, with or without the piece of paper and vows. And vice versa if you don't.

When I know someone is getting married, however, I keep my thoughts to myself and hope for the best for them.
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Treya
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Sep, 2006 09:45 pm
Re: Is Marriage a matter of conscience?
NoNe wrote:
hephzibah wrote:
Ok, I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about marriage (not to each other of course) and he said that technically I am divorced because I am over 1000 miles away from the one I married, he doesn't give a rats arse about me or what I do obviously, and neither of us love each other anymore... Now there's just a piece of paper between us, which technically is not a "marriage"

Hmmmm... It all sounds well and good. Even makes a bit of sense actually. Yet that raises another question for me then... What's the point of marriage if all it boils down to is a piece of paper signed by a judge? That much doesn't make sense to me. What do you all think? Is marriage a matter of conscience? A commitment made by two people to each other that really doesn't mean anything unless the two actually follow through with that commitment?

Of course I also have a slight doubt in some of the things he says as I think his ulterior motive here is to sleep with me... LOL

Any takers here?

well that piece of paper very often means much more than just what it seems like. Very often, when u tear that paper off, u give away half of what u earned, pay child support, move out, lose ur face and respect(this is in some cases, if u ask me like what? I can give u examples) and blah blah blah.
now first we need to think what is it which makes a marriage, an oath turn into "just a paper"?


Well, I understand both sides of this I think. Both sides really have advantages as well as disadvantages. However, I tend to lean towards not getting married having more advantages than getting married. Just a matter of opinion at this point. You know, I think there was a time that marriage, for the most part, was viewed by the majority of society as something sacred, something not to be messed with. Not saying there was never divorce or problems, but people actually married someone and stayed with them, hell or high water.

The relationship was more than "a piece of paper". People were more careful about "who" they married as well. Because the person you married is the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Now... I know I'm talking about days that are loooong since gone by. But there was a time that was actually true. I feel that now a days marriage has become something viewed more as disposable. If it doesn't work out... well... oh well... there's plenty more fish in the sea... It seems as though being married three times is perfectly socially acceptable. Totally normal. Almost to be expected in some cases.

I still lean towards the idea that if you marry someone you stay with them, you work together to work through the problems. You commit. You follow through. And you grow together through it. Yes, this is a soon to be divorcee talking about this. Yes, I walked away from my marriage. But it's a two way street, as with all relationships. One person can't pull all the weight. One person can't support the relationship on their own. One person can't take responsibility for all the problems. That is disaster in the making, if you as me. It takes two to tango. Two to be committed enough to face the issues and overcome them together.

A little piece of paper doesn't decide how committed those in the relationship will be though. It just says "hey, we're married... for now..." I still think all the above things I listed above apply to a non-marriage relationship. It's about commitment to one another, to the relationship, to doing your best to work things out even when it gets tough. That's just how I feel about it though. I guess I could still be living in a fantasy here. Because it seems to me the idea of commitment has really evaporated in our society.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 06:56 am
Re: Is Marriage a matter of conscience?
hephzibah wrote:
The relationship was more than "a piece of paper". People were more careful about "who" they married as well. Because the person you married is the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with. Now... I know I'm talking about days that are loooong since gone by. But there was a time that was actually true. I feel that now a days marriage has become something viewed more as disposable. If it doesn't work out... well... oh well... there's plenty more fish in the sea... It seems as though being married three times is perfectly socially acceptable. Totally normal. Almost to be expected in some cases.


If we're talking about days that are loooong since gone by, it's far more likely that people had no particular choice in the matter. Marriages were more often arranged according to what was advantageous to the families involved than about two people falling in love. And the betrothed pretty much had to go along with it regardless. And stay in the marriage no matter what the husband/ wife was like -- beatings, lack of sex, lack of love, dead children, whatever.

I much, much prefer that people have the financial and social resources (that is, it's seen as socially acceptable) to leave an unhealthy marriage.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 06:58 am
... I also think that the idea of marriage is strengthened when people have the ability to fairly easily leave it. 50 years ago, a couple who had reached their golden anniversary may or may not have had a great marriage -- it was expected that they'd stay together, regardless, so they stayed together, but it may have been a horrible marriage. People who reach their 50th anniversary today are really saying something. They could've left, but they didn't.
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