OK and for todays bit of gratuitous "stupid Americans" fun..

It's almost too easy, and I feel a little guilty about posting this. But...

Talking to Americans

Osso, I was wondering why they didn't at least put in one person per question who knew the answers - that may have been more representative.

Osso, I was wondering why they didn't at least put in one person per question who knew the answers - that may have been more representative.

Sometimes Germans make these "rules" just to argue with you. A German man thinks arguing is fun. Just argue back for a while and before you know it you'll have him laughing (maybe) and buying you a beer for being such a good sport.

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When You Want Him to Go Away

If you want to give a German guy the cold shoulder, good luck. If you think his sense of humor sucks, wait until you see his people reading skills. He's used to dealing with practical, direct Germans so he's not going to pick up on your desperate subtleties. If you pull the, "I'll be right back, I'm going to the bathroom" stunt, you'll find him waiting outside the ladies room. If you try the bathroom trick eight times in one night he'll think you have a small bladder. You've got to be direct.

How to Find a Man in Europe and Leave Him There
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Dutch Men
The thought of writing an entire chapter on Dutch men made us cringe because there's not a whole heck of a lot to say about these boys. They're not bad guys, they're just boring. Strong points: well-educated, open-minded and kind. Weak points: everything else. Grab a Dutch boy and make him your best friend. If you make him your boyfriend, you're in for some serious frustration. Dutch men don't understand passion, romance or excitement. They lack imagination and fail to understand the fine art of present-giving.

Potential Boyfriend Names
Name Pronunciation
Aartjen We had a tough enough time spelling these names. Your guess on pronunciations is as good as ours.
Baartge
Baldzo
Cornelis-Evert
Dietbout
Everhard
Gerko
Hendrik
Maritje-Claasz
Riian
Sofie
Teeuwisse
Tekko
Waccar
Xavius

Four Insights into Dutch Culture
Dutch Dogs
The Dutch treat every living animal well - dogs included.

Dutch Driving
The Dutch are courteous drivers and can most often be found pedaling around courteously on a bicycle.

Dutch Time Telling Abilities
Sure, the Dutch can tell time. They're respectful to appointments and try to be punctual.

Dutch Theft
Most thefts in Holland are committed by the cracked out tourists. Bicycle stealing has become very popular over the years.

Useful Dutch Phrases (He Speaks English Better Than You Do)
What You'll Want To Say: How To Say It:
I don't want to date you. I'm not interested in a relationship right now.
I really don't want to date you. I have a boyfriend at home.
I really, really don't want to date you. Nothing against you: I'm a lesbian.


How to Meet Him
The prostitutes in the display windows in the red light district are there for the tourists. You're not going to find a Dutch man there. The coffee shops are there for the tourists as well. Only something crazy like 5% of Dutch people use marijuana on a regular basis, so you're not going to find him there either. Being the nice guy he is, you'll probably find him in a nursing home. He'll be donating his time reading erotic poetry to old ladies.

Tips for the Date
Don't expect your date to come up with some fabulous idea for a night out. Grab your city guide and come up with your own agenda. Bring your wallet because you'll be "going Dutch."

What You Should Know about the Netherlands
Although a Dutch boy won't purposely make you feel bad for being ignorant about his country, feeling bad is inevitable. You'll be intimidated by his perfect English and knowledge about politics. Do you know who the senators from Ohio are? He does. Dutch boys know everything.

We'll tell you a few things about the Netherlands so you won't feel too lame. You'll be a step ahead of the rest of the tourists if you know that marijuana isn't legal. The Dutch signed an international treaty years ago making it illegal, but the Health Officials ran some studies and found it didn't cause insanity, so now they regulate it. Also, the Netherlands was originally swampland. Early settlers dug a bunch of dykes and canals and drained the country, making it livable. There, that should be enough general knowledge for your Dutch boy to pretend he's impressed.

What You Need To Know About Dutch Cities
Amsterdam It's where the tourists go.
Rotterdam It's where the tourists who stay more than a few days go.
The Hague It's where the tourists who are on business go.

Impressing His Mother
His mother is a loving, caring person and she'll like you no matter who you are.

Dutch Girl Competition
Dutch girls are just as nice and ordinary as Dutch boys. Boring and boring don't mix, so the girls are probably out looking for some French guy to blow smoke in their face or some German guy to tell them something isn't possible. So if you're after that Dutch stud, don't worry about any Dutch girls. They're not competing.

When You Want Him to Go Away
When you're ready to leave him, you're going to break his nice, little heart. Be gentle and remember you're ruining him for life.