Well, i don't know that i'd have anything useful to say, but i could give it a shot . . .
Cool. Just sent you a PM. Maybe I can wow 'em all at the gathering.
I'm not married. If I do decide to get married, I will keep my last name. My last name has a lot more personality then his.... anyone who knows this would know this to be true.
And if kids were ever to become involved... I already told him that any baby that comes out of my body would come out with my last name.
If i ever get married, i'm gonna keep my last name, too, by god . . .
When this trend started I posited this problem:
If John Jones married Sally Smith
and they became the Smith-Jones
and had little cute baby named Mary who grew up
to love
Albert Franks-Monahan (who's loving parents did the right thing)
and they got married
would they become
the Smith-Jones-Franks-Monahan's
or just he Jones-Monahan (again leaving the mom's families out in the cold)
and if Allen Albert Smith/Jones/Franks/Monahan
married
Sung Li Markowitz-Dudley-Dannon-Cleary
and they had a baby would she be
Aleuetta
ChuShi
Markowitz-Dudley-Dannon-Cleary-Smith-Jones-Franks-Monahan
One person remarked that they better had start printing bigger invitations and another said that they might start thinking about building bigger
headstones.....................
Joe
Exactly, Joe. And the "solution" of leaving it up to the next generation to figure out is not very well-thought-out, either. Societies need a pattern in order to trace lineage. I think about all the work we've done on my husband's family genealogy. If each generation had decided how to name itself, we wouldn't have been able to trace ancestors back any further than the memories of the oldest still-living relatives. And their memories are often less than reliable.
I still say, matrilinear or patrilinear, there needs to be a standard solution.
I dunno.
All I know is what happened to me, which might or might not help Lorna.
I, an only child, married at 37, another story, and was rather loathe to just chuck my name. I was author on some med papers, but that wasn't the real reason, the reason was that I had a pretty strong self identity as me with my father's last name.
And I had no reason to hate that name. On the other hand, while I loved my to be husband, I wasn't so keen on his mother and father who wouldn't come to the wedding since I wasn't Catholic and we didn't have a priest officiating. Plus, on top of that I didn't like his mother much, did like his father, but in no way wanted to just zero out my own name to become part of their strangeness. (I speak as an ex Catholic, but the strangeness wasn't really about religion.) My husband didn't care, he was wide open to the world and might just have liked my described parents, deceased/nearabout, more than his own at that moment in time.
So I became Mrs. John ...........-........, his name last. Fine for a while, although virtually all my friends got into going over to the ......'s. And all the mail came to his last name. Even though at that time I was the breadwinner by a long shot. (Another story, don't do that.) I found the hyphen didn't work, at least around the early 1980's, I was always filed under his name. In the meantime, I was going through school (again) in a different profession and doing (thank you verymuch, well) in my single name.
So, after the seventy third mortgage insurance envelope to our door, when I was the money earner and handler then, I said phooey, and went back to being me, where I have stayed since. The marriage lasted close to twenty years and didn't founder on this matter.
So, in my experience hyphens didn't work. I have seen the Spanish way, and have thought it might be great for people like me, used in an anglo context.
I have friends who are schitzed, that is, are Mrs. male first name and his family name, and Ms. female first name and her father's name, bouncing back and forth.
I will register a wee vote for being who you are forever, what e'er name they came up with when you were youngest, unless you want to change that yourself.
I'm afraid my
two posts above were far too long!
'Nuff said, that two people marrying should create whatever surname suits the intent of their partnership.
Individuals also, to define their character.
In my job, I talk to people all day. One requirement of this job is that we must address the customer by their last name. This is usually not a problem till I get one of those hyphenated names. So, do you address the person by the full name, like Ms. Jones-Smith (which makes me feel a little funny to say over and over) or just Ms. Smith? The last thing I want to do is offend someone. I've never known anyone with a hyphenated name that could clear this issue up for me.
Sinker--
I was hyphenated for the first five years of my marriage--and wanted to be because I loved both names, and had a special affinity to my Dad--who had no sons. So, I kept his surname and added my husband's. I gave my son my hyphenated last name, too, passing Dad down the line, as best I could. My daughter is more than a little miffed that I didn't name her the same. She just has her dad's last name.
Anyway, you didn't ask for all this information. I was going to tell you it is best to address the person by the entire hyphenated name. Using just one of them would be marginally insulting--Like, "I see your name, but refuse to use it."
Hopefully, after you pronounce that mouthful once or twice, they'll tell you to use their first name.
(Funny. I just noticed I called you sinker, instead of sinkerhawk. Sorry.)
Smith.
Everyone should be named Smith.
Are we not all equal in the eyes of Our Lord, the senate judiciary committee?
Dilema
I am about to get married. My maden name is already hyphenated, and I want to keep it, but I also want my future husband's last name. I know that would be extremely long to have my already hyphenated name attached to another, plus it would sound funny, taking into consideration, that my maden name is german, and I am getting married to a North American from USA. I don't have any idea what to do. Someone told me I could have my maden name as my middle name. Any GOOD ideas?
That sounds like a good solution (using your maiden name as your middle name). Otherwise, oy, I foresee a lot of misspellings in your future.
And welcome to
www.able2know.com!
I think hyphenating is selfish to the people who have to spell it out and to pronounce it. What does hyphenating prove? Nothing, except that you got married and are too liberated to give up your original last name? Dumb.
Gala wrote:I think hyphenating is selfish to the people who have to spell it out and to pronounce it. What does hyphenating prove? Nothing, except that you got married and are too liberated to give up your original last name? Dumb.
Gee, thanks. I've had my hyphenated name for over 11 years.
catask, I never had a middle name, so when I got married my maiden name became my middle name. It's worked well for me.
My only caution is that the middle name quickly becomes lost. I went into it because I was very fond of the last name I'd had for 25(?) years, and wanted to keep it. But it very rarely surfaces -- it's often just an initial or not even there at all (as with mail.)
Re: The Gary Hocking example. Being from Australia I remember the BIG deal this created at the time. Although it was only supposed to be temporary the footballer changed his name back when he realised that if he died he would be burried under that name. The AFL immediatly made rules against footballers changing their names to attract sponsers
Soz, that is why I reverted back to my maiden name early, since even with the hyphen the middle name got lost immediately.
