One thinks of a spit and a roast
Duckling, and plenty of toast,
A bowl of green peas
And a ripe Stilton cheese
One thinks of a spit and a roast
Duckling, and plenty of toast,
A bowl of green peas
And a ripe Stilton cheese
And Claggy the presiding host
When the champage starts to kick in
When the champagne starts to kick in
You can't separate feather from fin...
When the champagne starts to kick in
You can't separate feather from fin...
Raise your glass and let go
For tomorrow you know....
When the champagne starts to kick in
You can't separate feather from fin...
Raise your glass and let go
For tomorrow you know....
They won't let you forget you have sinned.
Memory's such a strange beast.
Memory's such a strange beast.
A syllable short at the least
It's eight then it's eight
And two fives for weight
And four pairs of two make a feast.
It looks like I'm in for some fun
So bring on the fizz and a bun
It looks like I'm in for some fun
So bring on the fizz and a bun.
The girls are pretty
But 'tis a pity
Their chaperone is an old nun.
But Sister, who was wide and short
With hairs sprouting from a chin wart,
Enjoyed Kahlua
And when she knew ya
Could teach you new rules for the sport.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
So Spendi, our man of the hour,
Approached the nun with the glower
So Spendi, our man of the hour,
Approached the nun with the glower
"You look like a owl
In that blinking cowl
Come on, I'll give you a shower!"
"I've taken a vow my young man
But showers are not in the ban,
I need a good soap
I'm sure you can cope
"I've taken a vow my young man
But showers are not in the ban,
I need a good soap
I'm sure you can cope
With bathing me in the garbage can.
Spendi immediatly started
Spendi immediately started
The soap from his hand became parted
By sheer force of habit
In trying to grab it
Spendi immediately started
The soap from his hand became parted
By sheer force of habit
In trying to grab it,
(As out of his hand it darted),
His back went as he did the splits.
His back went as he did the splits
He'd now reached the end of his wits
With buttocks in limbo
And limbs all akimbo
His back went as he did the splits
He'd now reached the end of his wits
With buttocks in limbo
And limbs all akimbo
He knew he must now call it quits.
But the nun was disappointed;
She longed for the double-jointed.
Filled with such spunk he
Could be her Love Monkey
So Spendi was thusly annointed.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Then off to the abbey they went
Then off to the abbey they went
To see if Spendi was all spent
Twas in the west wing
Without any bling
And it happened to be in Lent.
That's a time of self sacrifice.
That's a time of self sacrifice
So Spendi & Sister played nice.
Once in Parcheesi
Spendi went easy
And let Sister win once or twice.
+++++++++++++++++++++
But croquet was Sister's best game
But croquet was Sister's best game
Which spendi thought rather a shame
But being a gent
And really quite spent
He bowed to the whims of the dame.
The balls clicked to many a shout
Till Sister became quite pegged-out
The balls clicked to many a shout
Til Sister became quite pegged-out
She'd given her all
But then that darn ball
Ricocheted and smacked her in the snout
She was tired of sensible shoes
Single at forty, nothing to lose
Bought some red FMP's
She was tired of sensible shoes
Single at forty, nothing to lose
Bought some red FMP's
And pads for her knees
And went on the streets for a cruise.
*Kirst. It's 88558 syllables in the bouncy rhythm of limerick rhyming AABBA. The rhyme is strict but syllables may vary slightly. What matters is the beat. Practice by saying them out loud whilst clapping your hand to the beat. You want 3 beats in lines 1,2 and 5 and 2 in lines3 and 4.
e.g.
There WAS a young WOMan from HULL
Who KEPT in a PEN a pet BULL
The RING in its NOSE
Was ONE she had CHOSE
And it MOO-ed like IT was a Gull.
It helps if you leave easy rhymes for the next poster as we are not all that bright.
It's quite good once you get bouncing.
She came to a bright neon light
She came to a bright neon light
I didn't want her out of my sight
She came to a bright neon light
I didn't want her out of my sight
But off she did run
To have her some fun
And to hell with the bloke on her right.
She entered a room with a man
Holding a gun in his hand
She opened her lips
He pushed in some chips
