It's sultry and cloudy and warm
And the flies are begining to swarm.
When it gets hotter
You'll need a swatter
To do those varmints some harm.
There's no accounting for taste
So now is the time to make haste
There's no accounting for taste
So now is the time to make haste
We're in Sunday school
No more we can drool
About Gert being a bit unchaste
The wallpaper's got some pink spots
The wallpaper's got some pink spots
Each one's made up of pink dots.
The wallpaper's got some pink spots
Each one's made up of pink dots.
McTag and his bint
Have applied the lint
And we all can sit in our cots.
The pilot looked at his compass
The pilot looked at his compass
Muttered, "Hmmm...I'd rather rumpus"
He rose from his seat
Went looking for Pete
The pilot looked at his compass
Muttered, "Hmmm...I'd rather rumpus"
He rose from his seat
Went looking for Pete
"Where's Gert?She knows how to pump us".
The Captain changed course in a flash
And checked to see if he'd some cash
The Captain changed course in a flash
And checked to see if he'd some cash
Alas he was broke
That portly old bloke
So off to the bank he dashed.
A fistful of dollars he got
And he climbed back aboard his yacht
Where's Gerta, he yelled
The sailors he quelled
A fistful of dollars he got
And he climbed back aboard his yacht
Where's Gerta, he yelled
The sailors he quelled
Who'd recently formed a boycott.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Seems Gert had climbed to the crow's nest
Seems Gert had climbed to the crow's nest
A platform on which she showed best
Men shinning the mast
Fell back thick and fast
But one man was up to the test.
The race breeds by choosing the fit
So Gertie was doing her bit
The race breeds by choosing the fit
So Gertie was doing her bit
Up went the Captain
Not such a has-been!
The portly old fellow has grit...
But right behind him was Ted
Who might've been over his head
But right behind him was Ted
Who might've been over his head
"There's room for you both,
To plight me your troth",
With a smile 'tis what Gertie said.
But a big wind started to blow
As Gertie's eyes started to glow
But a big wind started to blow
As Gertie's eyes started to glow
Her orbs were burning
Her stomach churning
And she really had to "go"...
She raced along the gangplank
Nearly upending Tom Hanks
Oh Sorry, I'm sure
I'm usually demure
She raced along the gangplank
Nearly upending Tom Hanks
Oh Sorry, I'm sure
I'm usually demure
You'll have to rely on self thanks.
The ship leaned right over a lot
The ship leaned right over a lot
The port side was starting to rot
The sailors heaved to
With a big to-do
The ship leaned right over a lot
The port side was starting to rot
The sailors heaved to
With a big to-do
And a broadside hit on the spot.
But obviously not all at once
<<Admittedly lost in the narrative, but
I'll wade on in ... >>
But obviously not all at once
Slowly with great groans and grunts
That relit Gert's fire,
Alluded to prior,
A legend on most waterfronts.
++++++++++++++++++++++
The Queen asked Gert over for tea
The Queen asked Gert over for tea
Said, "Come here girl and sit next to me".
Then the Duke came in
A-stroking his chin
A man who had oft been to sea.
He told her some tales of the salt
From when he had been a young colt
He told her some tales of the salt
From when he had been a young colt.
She giggled & cooed
Which helped set the mood
And began what no one could halt.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
The tables and chairs went flying
The tables and chairs went flying
The Queen she started a-crying
But Gert & the Duke
Were all set to 'fuke'
The tables and chairs went flying
The Queen she started a-crying
But Gert & the Duke
Were all set to 'fuke'
With Gert the one underlying.
Then a knocking came to the door
