You looked into my eyes and cried
Cuz your water contained fluoride
You looked into my eyes and cried
Cuz your water contained fluoride
Your teeth are so strong
For biting my thong
You looked into my eyes and cried
Cuz your water contained fluoride
Your teeth are so strong
For biting my thong
All the hopes I had just died.
THere was a young boy named Ned
Who wouldn't get out of his bed
He stayed there all day
And started to weigh
You looked into my eyes and cried
Cuz your water contained fluoride
Your teeth are so strong
For biting my thong
All the hopes I had just died.
THere was a young boy named Ned
Who wouldn't get out of his bed
He stayed there all day
And started to weigh
Coins saved for when in the red!
The daffs have flowered and died,
The daffs have flowered and died,
For these and others I've cried
Bloom longer, I yell
The daffs have flowered and died,
For these and others I've cried
Bloom longer, I yell
But oh! the bluebell
I saw them today and I sighed
For a time that has long since passed
For a time that has long since passed
The good old days were such a blast
Smoking and drinking
Talking and thinking
For a time that has long since passed
The good old days were such a blast
Smoking and drinking
Talking and thinking
No time to dawdle,
stop comtemplating.
Just go through each day
one minute at a time
and before you no it...
sorry, don't know what rhythm you're using... I can't get into it, sorry.
Whoodathunk's been missing a while
I been wanting to give him a smile
Where has that guy been?
He hasn't been seen
Whoodathunk's been missing a while
I been wanting to give him a smile
Where has that guy been?
He hasn't been seen
He might have a touch of the bile
If so let's hope he's soon better
Someone should send him a letter
"Come back Whoodathunk
Please don't do a bunk
Whoodathunk's been missing a while
I been wanting to give him a smile
Where has that guy been?
He hasn't been seen
He might have a touch of the bile
If so let's hope he's soon better
Someone should send him a letter
"Come back Whoodathunk
Please don't do a bunk
We need you; you're a jet-setter!
But where have you been all this time
Have you lost your strong will to rhyme?
But where have you been all this time
Have you lost your strong will to rhyme?
Hello! Have no fear
I'm right over here
I'd have called you, but couldn't find a dime.
It is always nice to see ya.
Nope, it's not my plan to flee ya.
I will not abscond
But always respond
Despite hell or diarrhea.
++++++++++++++++++++++
A parson from Schenectady
A parson from Schenectady
Married a beautiful lady
She had a large bust
And whole-hogging lust
A parson from Schenectady
Married a beautiful lady
She had a large bust
And whole-hogging lust
And a past that was slightly shady.
++++++++++++++++++++++
She was known far and wide as Gert
She was known far and wide as Gert
And she wore an unbuttoned shirt
The parson's Mum said
"Now listen here Ted,
You're supposed to go for the pert."
At vicarage parties she shone
And a clutch of suitors she won
They stood round her chair
One eye on her pair
At vicarage parties she shone
And a clutch of suitors she won
They stood round her chair
One eye on her pair
Praising God for his gift -- silicone.
While the parson preached of Good News,
It was Gert who packed full the pews.
Though he promised blessings,
'Twas Gertie's undressings
Which converted Gentiles and Jews.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
The Lord loves a cheerful giver
The Lord loves a cheerful giver
The most those who send a shiver;
And stand hair on end
And droopiness mend
Of lances within their quiver.
The church was packed to the rafters
The Lord loves a cheerful giver
The most those who send a shiver;
And stand hair on end
And droopiness mend
Of lances within their quiver.
The church was packed to the rafters
With those who had won their BAFTAS,
The church was packed to the rafters
With those who had won their BAFTAS,
All eyes on Gertie
Feeling quite flirty
At what she might do for afters.
But the parson had won her heart
But the parson had won her heart;
He never once called her a tart.
Instead, her monsieur
Was a connoisseur
Of her pew-filling performance art.
He warned of unholy temptations
As Gertie revved up her gyrations
And with a slow gait
She passed the church plate
For offerings and other donations.
The bishop who read The Lord's Prayer,
Was half blind and hence not aware
Of obscene offers
In the church coffers
Nor the tithes stuffed in Gert's underwear.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Afterward in the vestibule
