Lulu had a baby she called him sonny Jim
She'd wished it a Her not a him
She dressed him in frocks
And frilly white socks
Lulu had a baby she called him sonny Jim
She'd wished it was a Her not a him
She dressed him in frocks
And frilly white socks
And took him with her to the gym.
There was an old man named Ted
Who never got out of bed
He'd watch his tv
And drink pots of tea
There was an old man named Ted
Who never got out of bed
He'd watch his tv
And drink pots of tea
Which is why he'd never been wed.
A man should try harder that that
A man should try harder than that
If he wants to be a hepcat
A man should try harder than that
If he wants to be a hepcat
He should work and sweat
And aid and abet
If he wants to play tit for tat.
The Duchess got dressed for the hunt
The Duchess got dressed for the hunt
But instead took a ride in her punt
She fell overboard
Got stabbed with her sword
And thought What a crazy stunt!
Her boyfriend came to her aid
And took her off to the shade
Don't Look Now, he cried
I think I will hide
Of snakes I'm very afraid...
The Duchess laughed her head off
There was a young man from Belgrade
He found a dead hooker in a cave
He said, this is disgusting,
She only needs dusting
And think of the money I'll save.
__________________
Now Spendi said, I'll have some too,
You can't get it cheaper, thats true
He turned her around
Put her face to the ground
Then exclaimed, oh she's all over blue.
____________________
A Police Officer, arrived on the scene....
You should be hi-jacking planes and ocean liners mate.
Hi-jacking Limerick threads is a bit easy-peasy.
The Duchess laughed her head off
As she told boyfriend to get off
"You are too easy
I want a teasy
Who doesn't blow on a quick cough!"
There was a young man from Belgrade
A Police Officer arrived on the scene
He said, Spendi, your bloody obscene
I'm taking you in
Don't make any din
Necrophiliacs always like to scream
________________
The usher he took spendi in
pe
The usher he took spendi in
And he poured him a double gin
"Here's to you" he said
"Drink that and then bed"
But spendi said "Oh that's a sin!"
"Have you a sister or auntie
With whom to play hanky-panky?"
Have you a sister or auntie
With whom to play hanky-panky?
It would not be fair
If you did not share
Have you a sister or auntie
With whom to play hanky-panky?
It would not be fair
If you did not share
Unless you think I'm too swanky.
In our set we welcome new blood
In our set we welcome new blood
And our speling is not very gud
In our set we welcome new blood
And our speling is not very gud
We don't hear too well
And sometimes we smell
In our set we welcome new blood
And our speling is not very gud
We don't hear too well
And sometimes we smell
And sometimes we just chew the cud.
Now Nell once gave birth to a girl
Who had a nice smile and a curl
Now Nell once gave birth to a girl
Who had a nice smile and a curl
Added to that;
She wore a flat hat
And went round the room in a whirl.
There's a quaint seaside place
known as Scarborough
There's a quaint seaside place known as Scarborough
Which is noted for smuggling and rum
So Mr & Mrs Chucklebottom
took young Spendi their son
A weird little lad was young Spendi
With freckles buck teeth and red hair
His dad said 'We can let him look at the North Sea
Then take him a ride on the fair
Now Spendi was all in his Whit Sunday Best
What a swell
School blazer, short pants, flat cap and brown sandals
The best that Woolworths could sell
Spendi didn't think much of the Ocean
The waves were all piddling and small
There weren't one single ship wreck
Nobody was drowning,
Simply nothing to laugh at at all.
And so seeking further amusement
They walked down the prom to the fair,
Spendi started crying when he saw the big dipper
Saying 'I'm not going on there'
Mrs Chucklebottom cuddled up Spendi
She said don't cry and weep my dear son
His dad said 'That lad is a bloody mard sod'
And kicked Spendi, hard up the bum.
Mrs Chucklebottom turned rather awkward
When she saw her old man kick her son
She said Spendi my darling
He won't do that again
As she shot his dad dead with the gun.
________
They were taken to Scarborough police station
And Spendi was holding his bum
<You really are intent on hijacking this thread and diverting it from its stated purpose, aren't you, Mathos? Might I suggest that there's another thread for that purpose already in operation? It's called "dueling doggerel.">
You have to make allowances Andy.
He's obviously pissed or stoned or a combination of the two.Or a member of the awkward squad who drops everybody in the **** with the Sergeant Major.
And he shot Dad dead with a gun. (Well "his" is a bit redundant and obviously only included to break the 8 syllable rule and he can't even rhyme his own Scarborough.
And he shot Dad dead with a gun.
And took to the hills with a nun
Who's wimple fell off
To please such a toff
And he shot Dad dead with a gun.
And took to the hills with a nun
Who's wimple fell off
To please such a toff.
That fortunate son-of-a-gun.
The nun was a wordly-wise sister.
She said, "Listen up, Mister.
