So somebody rang up the zoo
But the keeper was in the loo.
A bit constipated,
He waited and waited
And after an age a big pooh.
But the strain had taken its toll
But the strain had taken its toll
His stomach had lost it's roll
His butt was real sore
His rectum he tore
He never again would be whole.
So he did what we all would do
And had another big pooh
So he did what we all would do
And had another big pooh
And when this effusion
Had reached its conclusion
He set off to the ballyhoo.
*****
And when he arrived there he found
And when he arrived there he found
A young lady thought to be drowned.
With her mouth ajar
He gave CPR
Until finally she came around.
Her thanks was to give him a slap
Across his lifesaving yap
And then the poor guy
Received a black eye
For disturbing the girl's daily nap.
++++++++++++++++++++
An Amish girl called Carol Ann
An Amish girl called Carol Ann
Who was passing in her white van
Gave toots on her horn
To show them her scorn
And drove off to see her old Gran.
Now Gran could make great apple-pie
Now Gran could make great apple pie
With apples, sweet sherry and rye
She served it with cream
To the town rugby team
Cos they tickled her fancy
But they undressed Nancy
So Gran ate the chicken supreme.
----------------------------------------
Our Nellie she worked at the bank
Our Nellie she worked at the bank.
(I'm speaking of Nellie Heftshank.)
She counted out bills
From one of her tills
Our Nellie she worked at the bank.
(I'm speaking of Nellie Heftshank.)
She counted out bills
From one of her tills
And her kecks were always quite dank.
She also went out for the fags
<<Think British, think British, think British ... >>
She also went out for the fags
Which she brought home in plastic bags
She also went out for the fags
Which she brought home in plastic bags.
She'd smoke two at a time.
Well, that is no crime
She also went out for the fags
Which she brought home in plastic bags.
She'd smoke two at a time.
Well, that is no crime
It gives food for thought to the wags.
She also performes other tasks
Whenever the manager asks
She also performs other tasks
Whenever the manager asks
She gladly pours tea
Whilst sat on his knee
Or easing his mind
Because she's very kind
And she knows that it pays
In so many ways
And her pay packet bulges with cash
-------------------------------------
There was a young lady from Houghton
Mathos-
The rules of Limerick are easy to follow. The point of the rules is to provide discipline.
They are five lines with a rhyming scheme aabba accompanied by a syllable count 88558. To gratuitously flaunt these simple rules for the purpose of self indulgence is akin to farting loudly in the presence of Her Majesty The Queen.
There was a young lady from Houghton has 9 syllables and is thus naff by definition but most Limerickers are prepared to overlook such things.
An informal rule,which is usually only adhered to by co-operative people, is to choose for the "a" rhyme a word which has a number of entries in the rhyming dictionary which can be found easily on Google. If you care to look up "Houghton" you will find a very poor choice available for the next poster to work with.
There are two possible explanations for your choice of the "a" rhyme.
!-That you are not very bright in which case we will just have to grin and bear it as you can't be held responsible for that.
2-You are deliberately setting out to spoil the next posters prospects.
There was a young lady from Houghton
Who's panties were made of cotton
Except for the part
That holds in the fart
There was a young lady from Houghton
Who's panties were made of cotton
Except for the part
That holds in the fart
Until they're completely rotten.
What is the point of a game
No, really, what is the aim?
To have some fun?
Or hope you can stun
Different drummers into shame?
I hope that isn't the reason
For all this biting teasing
We're all adults
Don't need insults
Let's make this game more pleasing.
There once was a man named Spendi
There once was a man named Spendi
Who thought Mathos someone he'd offendi
He brought out his stick
Thinking Mathos he'd lick
But he fell on the floor in a frenzy!!
There was a young maiden from York
There was a young maiden from York
Who insisted on eating raw pork
Twas quite disgusting
Took some adjusting
Because she never used a fork.
A largish woman was seen
A large woman was seen in a boat
The bloody thing just would not float
She let out a scream
Shouting 'I want ice cream'
And she gobbled it just like a goat.
_______________
There was an old man from Kilbride
There was an old man from Kilbride
Who married a virginal bride
When he slipped it in
She gave a big grin
When he thought she might have just cried.
A fat bottomed woman from Goole.
A fat bottomed woman from Goole
Fell into a deep swimming pool
She cried out in fright
For try as she might
She'd flunked swimming lessons, the fool.
Her screams reached the gardener, who ran
Her screams reached the gardener who ran
But he tripped on the watering can
She screamed out once more
He crawled on the floor
And shouted, 'You need a new man'
_____________________
Lulu had a baby she called him sonny Jim
