I need to get a big John Deere
I need him badly, it is clear
If he came in the door
I'd lie on the floor
And raise my legs up to my ear.
My what a welcome that would be
My what a welcome that would be
And what a glory to see
Mame on her back
And a view of her pack
And dreading to hear of the fee.
But Mame is a merciful lady
But Mame is a merciful lady
(blush, blush, no one's ever seen me like this!!)
But Mame is a merciful lady
And if she weren't so unsteady
She'd certainly greet
You while on her feet
Not on her back and not ready.
The chick peeped his last, I'm afraid
The chick peeped his last I'm afraid
So soon after having been laid
The chick peeped his last I'm afraid
So soon after having been laid
For young cocks and hens, a
Dose of bird 'fluenza
The chick peeped his last I'm afraid
So soon after having been laid
For young cocks and hens, a
Dose of bird 'fluenza
And the cat's got it made in the shade.
The little dog laughed his head off
The little dog laughed his head off
Until he developed a cough
The little dog laughed his head off
Until he developed a cough
Lmur patted his back
For he had the knack
The little dog laughed his head off
Until he developed a cough
Lmur patted his back
For he had the knack
Yet Heimlichers likely would scoff.
Poor Lassie was not feeling swell
(And Timmy's still stuck in that well)
The timing was bad
Plus Lassie still had
Eight dozen Scout cookies to sell.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Lassie focused and bit her lip
Lassie focused and bit her lip
And scratched an itch on her hip
She lifted her leg
And it wasn't to beg
Lassie focused and bit her lip
And scratched an itch on her hip
She lifted her leg
And it wasn't to beg
But to urinate onto Chip.
Chip scowled at Lassie and said HEY
Chip scowled at Lassie and said HEY
"Pissin' on Chip is foreplay,
If you learned that off Nell
You can now ring the bell!"
And he mounted with little delay.
Now a basket of pups has arrived
And they're all expected to thrive
Now a basket of pups has arrived
And they're all expected to thrive
Find them some owners
Who sport big boners
So no one can say they're deprived.
We seem to have sex on the brain
Is this a subliminal campaign?
We seem to have sex on the brain
Is this a subliminal campaign?
Oh no,it's not that
It's about this and that
And proves that you're reasonably sane.
I think we should go back to Nell
The girl with the candle and bell
I think we should go back to Nell
The girl with the candle and bell
Yes, I like her too
And should all of you
She's a hoot at parties, do tell.
She doesn't do the lamp shade thing
She does not do the lamp shade thing
Since the last time she pulled her hamstring.
'Twas caused by her flailing
Due to her impaling
By an over-worked, rusty bedspring.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Her antics are now more sedate
Her antics are now more sedate
She takes things at a suitable rate
Her antics are now more sedate
She takes things at a suitable rate.
Slowly up & down
With Krusty the Klown
Her antics are now more sedate
She takes things at a suitable rate.
Slowly up & down
With Krusty the Klown
On an old upturned timber crate.
She once did a trick with a bottle
Which had an effect like a glottal
She once did a trick with a bottle
Which had an effect like a glottal.
One day with three men she
Perfected her frenzy
And now is a well-paid porn model.
+++++++++++++++++++++
Sweet Nell is the toast of the town
