Old Ellie Mae worked up a sweat
But wasn't that worried just yet
She stirred up the stew
of possum and gnu
Old Ellie Mae worked up a sweat
But wasn't that worried just yet
She stirred up the stew
of possum and gnu
Which our Nell ate for a bet.
We wondered where she had been
We wondered where she had been
Because she really reeked of gin
Her eyes were bloodshot
Her nose full of snot
'N she still had the hairs on her chin.
An unpleasant sort of lady
To be sure she's kind of shady
But what you don't know
Is that once her beau
Was famous Frankie McGrady.
He was a different sort, alright
Aye, he was always getting tight
He'd drink a bottle
of rum, full throttle
And want to get into a fight.
He'd pass out cold on the sofa
He'd pass out cold on the sofa
This rum-swilling, street-fighting loafer.
Then oddly enough,
He'd strip to the buff,
And cuddle with Bertram, his chauffeur.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Bert knew how to shift Frankie's gears
Bert knew how to shift Frankie's gears
Which confirmed all Nellie's fears
The joys she'd once had
With that sort of cad
Bert knew how to shift Frankie's gears
Which confirmed all Nellie's fears
The joys she'd once had
With that sort of cad
Brought memories back with sad tears
Nell once loved a Fiat mechanic
Nell once loved a Fiat mechanic
Who could do nifty things with a wrist-flick
He could clean all your points
And oil your joints
Nell once loved a Fiat mechanic
Who could do nifty things with a wrist-flick
He could clean all your points
And oil your joints
And keep you from going manic.
But his biggest asset by far
Was his nimbleness in a car
He'd open the door
But his biggest asset by far
Was his nimbleness in a car
He'd open the door
And boot out the whore
And nip in a bar for a jar.
He'd tell all his mates a good tale
About Nell being beyond the pale
He'd tell all his mates a good tale
About Nell being beyond the pale
But what he knew not
Was Nell had black rot
And that spelled BAD luck to a male.
A trip to the clinic for sure
A trip to the clinic for sure
Might lead to a miracle cure
But banging her silly
Had rotted his willy
A trip to the clinic for sure
Might lead to a miracle cure
But banging her silly
Had rotted his willy
He had nothing left to allure!
The back of the front has just passed,
The back of the front has just passed
With the front of the back being last
From left to the right
A sorrier sight
I would say would not be surpassed.
If anyone knows what the hell
we're writing about, please do tell
I haven't a clue
(Between me and you!)
But maybe it is just as well!
The mechanic and his willy
Oh my, this story is silly
What else do you know
About this poor Joe
[the 'front' refers to a weather front which is often reffered to in weather broadcasts. I always look forward to the back of the front passing by].
The mechanic and his willy
Oh my, this story is silly
What else do you know
About this poor Joe
'He leads his life willy nilly'.
Mechanics can deal with loose nuts
Mechanics can deal with loose nuts
While butchers can carve you choice cuts
The doctor, the baker
The grim undertaker
Mechanics can deal with loose nuts
While butchers can carve you choice cuts
The doctor, the baker
The grim undertaker
Each serve you best in a Kibbutz
When spring has nearly sprung again
When spring has nearly sprung again
It's time to open up champagne
The buds are budding
The studs are studding
When spring has nearly sprung again
It's time to open up champagne
The buds are budding
The studs are studding
and yardwork's becoming a pain!
I need to get a big John Deere
I need to get a big John Deere
I need him badly, it is clear
I need to get a big John Deere
I need him badly, it is clear
If he came in the door
I'd lie on the floor
