carlotta forgot Eva's fifty
But telling one's age isn't nifty
If you're young at heart
Just get back on the cart
And cartpool with those who are thrifty.
++++++++++++++
But if that cart's in the shop
But if that cart is in the shop
Because its starter would not stop,
Its speakers all spoken,
Its brakes all broken,
Cut your losses and sell or swap.
I'm thinking a horse would be nice
Or a small donkey would suffice
And I would not rule
Out a braying mule
As hybrids are well-worth their price.
+++++++++++++++++++
The cost of oats would skyrocket
The cost of oats would skyrocket
(Believe me, it's true, please don't knock it)
But using clothes-rags
Instead of nose-bags
Would lighten the load on your pocket.
********************************
Did you hear Timberlandko's an elk?
<<Belk, delk, felk, gelk ... hmmm.>>
Did you hear Timberlandko's an elk?
Is that trouble a-brewin' I smell-k?
In hunting season
He'd have every reason
To dart about and run like hell-k.
++++++++++++++++++++
Maybe he's the benevolent kind
Maybe he's the benevolent kind
That man who always lags behind
Maybe he's the benevolent kind
That man who always lags behind
I wonder why
He is so shy?
Maybe he's the benevolent kind
That man who always lags behind
I wonder why
He is so shy?
Dunno, I must be blind.
* * *
Did you say 'elk' about himself?
I thought you'd said he was an elf
Did you say 'elk' about himself?
I thought you'd said he was an elf
the kind that dance
with bells on their pants
Did you say 'elk' about himself?
I thought you'd said he was an elf
the kind that dance
with bells on their pants
And their self-respect upon a shelf.
++++++++++++++++
Elves and clowns both give me the creeps
Elves and clowns both give me the creeps
Especially when they are playing tricks
Elves and clowns both give me the creeps
Especially when they are playing tricks
juggling balls
and climbing the walls
Choose Your Own Ending
Elves and clowns give me the creeps
Especially when they are playing tricks
Juggling balls
And climbing the walls
1. Playing jingle-bells with honks and beeps
2. Clownish elves make funny cliques
(P.S. Choose one of these lines to start the next limerick. c.)
Playing Jingle-bells with honks and beeps
Into this wintry season creeps.
The players are clowns
Dressed in white gowns
But caterwalling like chimney sweeps.
I kind'a like elves
Sitting on shelves
I kind'a like elves
Sitting on shelves,
Tiny gnomes
In our homes
Politely minding themselves.
++++++++++++++++++
But then when the last light goes out
But when the last light goes out
the children go sneaking about,
But when the last light goes out
The children go sneaking about
Without making noise
They're searching for toys
But when the last light goes out
The children go sneaking about.
Without making noise
They're searching for toys
And get shocked by their late-night stakeout.
++++++++++++++++++
They caught Mom kissing Santa Claus
They caught Mom kissing Santa Claus
They asked her why? She said, "Because
When he stood beneath
A mistletoe wreath
They caught Mom kissing Santa Claus
They asked her why? She said, "Because
When he stood beneath
A mistletoe wreath
She planted one on him, without a pause.
