What I really want in stocking,
Inappropriate and shocking,
Is a leg and a knee
Unattached, duty free
No encumbrances to come round a knocking.
But Christmas is all about giving...
But Christmas is all about giving,
So enjoy it while you are living
But Christmas is all about giving,
So enjoy it while you are living.
Remember E. Scrooge
And his subterfuge
Resulted in heartsick misgiving.
Yet "humbug" is surely free speech,
Protected and secure from breach.
I know what we'll do!
Call the ACLU!
Are Britons outside its long reach?
+++++++++++++++++++
Ebeneezer has been defamed
Ebeneezer has been defamed
And when has this happened?
Ebeneezer has been defamed!
And when has this happened?
Does Scotland Yard know?
Will they be here pronto?
Ebeneezer has been defamed!
And when has this happened?
Does Scotland Yard know?
Will they be here pronto?
To sort it out right away, damned!
I would appreciate to know
I would appreciate to know
The approximate ratio
Of elves to reindeer
Because now I fear
A job-related imbroglio.
++++++++++++++++
Rudolph will not work overtime
Rudolph will not work overtime.
o do so would be 'labor crime.'
Rudolph will not work overtime.
To do so would be 'labor crime.'
He's off in a cab,
They've hired an elk scab,
And Blitzen won't work with 'such slime.'
++++++++++++++++++++++
Mrs. Claus fueled the labor strife
By becoming a Desperate Housewife.
Mrs. Claus fueled the labor strife
By becoming a Desperate Housewife
She consorts with the elves-
She does them by twelves
And she's having the time of her life
The toy shop is all in a clutter
The toy shop is all in a clutter
Santa's tanning with cocoa butter
The toy shop is all in a clutter,
Santa's tanning with cocoa butter,
Mrs. C's in Cancun,
Toys backordered till June,
And the elves are starting to mutter.
+++++++++++++++++++++
What more could go wrong at The Pole?
Santa's now snowbound in Alaska
and Rudolph's lost in Madagascar
What more could go wrong at the Pole?
The imbroglio took quite a toll
But there's no one on Earth
Both in wisdom and girth
Who could take over Santa Claus's role
Santa's now snowbound in Alaska
And Rudolph's lost in Madagascar
They went separate ways
On separate days
Santa's now snowbound in Alaska
And Rudolph's lost in Madagascar
They went separate ways
On separate days.
Where's Mrs. S? Dunno. I'll ask 'er.
Let's send out a rescue team
Let's send out a rescue team,
St. Bernards with kegs of Jim Beam,
Let's send out a rescue team,
St. Bernards with kegs of Jim Beam,
They'll find ole St. Nick
They'll find him right quick
Let's send out a rescue team,
St. Bernards with kegs of Jim Beam,
They'll find ole St. Nick
They'll find him right quick
And defrost his frost-bite with steam.
They'll carry him home in a sled
They'll carry him home in a sled
Ignoring the bra on his head
They'll carry him home in a sled
Ignoring the bra on his head
For the doggy knows
That Santa's red nose
