There once was a kid named Potter
Who always performed as he ought ter
I know what you thought
But he didn't make pots
He made evil villians grow hotter.
At Thanksgiving time we shall dine
At Thanksgiving time we shall dine
We'll have turkey, chestnuts and wine
At Thanksgiving time we shall dine
We'll have turkey, chestnuts and wine
We'll eat pumpkin pie
On wine we'll get high
This Thursday will surely be fine.
But after the turkey is gone
But after the turkey is gone,
Picked bare to its last electron,
Against our wishes
We'll wash the dishes
And give thanks the pots are Teflon.
+++++++++++++++++++
My turkey awaits on Death Row
My turkey awaits on Death Row
Thighs aquiver, his fate he does know.
Unable to speak
(They've chopped off his beak)
No friends but a doomed potato.
This gobbler still hoped for a plan
Outside of a sage-sprinkled pan.
"Help! Call the Navy!
Before I'm gravy!"
He pleaded with upthrust wingspan.
The oven, at three-twenty-five,
Mocked his desperate hopes to survive.
It sizzled with steam
As Tom hatched a scheme ...
Though headless, that bird could connive.
And finally he knew what to do,
'Twas a most ingenious breakthrough.
He spread the rumor
To the consumer
Turkey dinners just might cause bird flu.
++++++++++++++++++++
The plot, like the gravy, thickens
The plot, like the gravy, thickens
and since all fear how bird flu sickens,
when their doctors they phoned
Tom Turkey left home
Last we saw him he was flying like the dickens
Can everyday be a thanksgiving?
Can everyday be a thanksgiving?
Endless food without misgiving?
Can everyday be a thanksgiving?
Endless food without misgiving?
But let us remember
This day in November
To thank God that we're living.
So while we are eating the bird
So while we are eating the bird
And the chatter of family is heard
Let's give a thought
For those who are not
So while we are eating the bird
And the chatter of family is heard
Let's give a thought
For those who are not
In a similar manner bestirred.
Tomorrow's the day, Mom & Pop,
At the mall you'll be 'til you drop.
The clerks will please ya,
They'll slide your VISA,
And tempt you with "bargains" non-stop.
+++++++++++++++++++++
"Dear Santa" my letter began
"Dear Santa" my letter began.
"I've been a good American.
I've broken no rules
In spite of those fools
"Dear Santa" my letter began.
"I've been a good American.
I've broken no rules
In spite of those fools
Who 'moved the carrot' on my snowman."
++++++++++++++++++
"Enclosed you will find my short list
"Enclosed you will find my short list
But I really have to insist
"Enclosed you will find my short list
But I really have to insist
Never disclose even a bit
Or they'll think I'm a twit
"Enclosed you will find my short list
But I really have to insist
Never disclose even a bit
Or they'll think I'm a twit
And should go see an analyst."
What I really want in stocking
What I really want in stocking,
Inappropriate and shocking,
What I really want in stocking,
Inappropriate and shocking,
Is a leg
