But I'm a guy with two left hands
Which no one really understands
When undoing a clip
I can't get a firm grip
while her hands on my glans makes demands.
I twist and tug and get red
I twist and tug and get red
All that just to get in the bed.
From there, it gets hectic
Sometimes apoplectic
I twist and tug and get red
All that just to get in the bed.
From there, it gets hectic
Sometimes apoplectic
and I rip off her right sleeve instead.
She calmly removes what is left
She calmly removes what is left
And now is completely bereft
She calmly removes what is left
And now is completely bereft
She's nude as a baby
But possibly maybe
She calmly removes what is left
And now is completely bereft
She's nude as a baby
But possibly maybe
she's going to get really effed.
She watching the cracks on the ceiling
She's watching the cracks in the ceiling
And could, just maybe, be feeling
A little distressed
At being so pressed
She's watching the cracks in the ceiling
And could, just maybe, be feeling
A little distressed
At being so pressed
And sees where the ceiling is peeling
The coffee is on and it's hot
The coffee is on and it's hot.
I like to drink it a lot.
Come what may,
It's a liter a day.
I'm turning into a ceffeine-sot.
I like mine laced with usquebaugh
I like mine laced with usquebaugh
wonderful stuff come from afar
tis a heavenly aroma
I like mine laced with usquebaugh
wonderful stuff come from afar
tis a heavenly aroma
And not like Tacoma
Where the mud flats do smell quite bizarre
A certain young man named McHale
A certain young man named McHale
had a plan he thought couldn't fail
He'd seduce a lass named Lucy
A certain young man named McHale
had a plan he thought couldn't fail
He'd seduce a lass named Lucy
Who was sexy and juicy
And to him was the Holy Grail
But the plan wasn't all it could be
For he didn't attract young Lucy
He was short, bald and fat
But the plan wasn't all it could be
For he didn't attract young Lucy.
He was short, bald and fat,
Smelled like a muskrat
And hung from a limb on a tree.
Lucy was an odd little elf
Who'd been kept too long on the shelf.
Her seal was unbroken
And it had been spoken
Of strange acts she'd perform on herself.
++++++++++++++++++++++
Yet Lucy was fun on a date
Yet Lucy was fun on a date
The evening was never too late
For just one more drink
Yet Lucy was fun on a date
The evening was never too late
For just one more drink
That just made me think
Yet Lucy was fun on a date.
The evening was never too late
For just one more drink,
That just made me think
"I think she's putting on wieght."
Lucy was really a drunk.
Her breath of liquor it stunk.
Lucy was really a drunk.
Her breath of liquor it stunk.
She drank up neat whisky
And then became frisky
And picked up the neighbourhood hunk
I wish that I knew how to flirt
Lucy was really a drunk.
Her breath of liquor it stunk.
It's said her liver
Does shake and quiver
And one day will go ker-plunk.
+++++++++++++++++
And those are her good qualities
