She's now doing hard time in the pen
She'll get out about who knows when.
Her Bristol ticket still in her pocket
She's now doing hard time in the pen
She'll get out about who knows when.
Her ticket in pocket
And arm out of socket
Dislodged in the pistol mayhem.
++++++++++++++++++++++
In the slammer she bunks with Mean Tess
In the slammer she bunks with Mean Tess
A 16-stone dyke in a dress
(sixteen stone x 14 = 224 lbs)
In the slammer she bunks with Mean Tess
A 16-stone dyke in a dress.
She has unwashed hair
And no underwear
And an aroma quite like Loch Ness.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
They say Tess is misunderstood
They say Tess is misunderstood
All over the whole neighborhood.
She's really quite nice,
Though addicted to vice
They say Tess is misunderstood
All over the whole neighborhood.
She's really quite nice,
Though addicted to vice
And when bad, she's extremely good.
++++++++++++++++++++
It's rumored one reason she's bad
Is her brother was also her dad
It's rumored one reason she's bad
Is her brother is also her dad.
Her mother's her sister
Who now is a mister
And goes by the moniker "Chad."
++++++++++++++++++++
Too often regretable whims
Produce family trees with few limbs
And shallow gene pools
Of blithering fools
And close kin with forty synonyms.
It would seem the death of the pope
Has fulfilled Diana's best hope.
Will royal gorilla
And consort Camilla
Chuck it all and opt to elope?
+++++++++++++++++++
Oh, to be a fly on that wall
Respect, Whooda! You're going well
Oh, to be a fly on that wall
When Archbishop of C. comes to call
"What, me? Bumped for the Pope?
Do you think I'm a dope?
This nuptial's beginning to pall"
Still I hope that the new royal pair
Still I hope that the new royal pair
For the ceremony will invite Blair
Still I hope that the new royal pair
For the ceremony will invite Blair
with his King James in hand
he'll signal the band
and marry the affair pair with flair.
But no, Prince C flies to Rome on Friday
On Friday, Prince C flies to Rome
But inside he must froth and foam.
'Cuz at his urgin'
His blushing "virgin"
Tends the fire one more day back at home.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
It would seem that this wedding bed
Is like a tire that's been retread,
A shoe over-worn,
A much-tooted horn ...
Will Camilla wear white or red?
Now the woe spreads to Monaco
Now the woe spreads to Monaco, and
There's sorrow throughout the wee land
Now the woe spreads to Monaco, and
There's sorrow throughout the wee land
Their prince has expired
In grief they are mired
Now the woe spreads to Monaco, and
There's sorrow throughout the wee land.
Their prince has expired
In grief they are mired.
Is Prince Albert now out of his can?
++++++++++++++++++++++
The prince, like his sisters ribald, he
Once led a life that enthralled me.
Suntanned head to toe
Party girls at his show ...
Memories for the new head Grimaldi?
++++++++++++++++++++++
What next for the principality?
Shall we buy hooch or Earl Grey tea?
What next for the principality?
Shall we buy hooch or Earl Grey tea
I think that casino's
Improved with some vinos
Or pink champagne- drinks are on me!
Monaco's known for Grand Prix
And classy dames fresh from Paree
Monaco's known for Grand Prix
And classy dames fresh from Paree
And all those high rollers
With thick wads of dollars
Monaco's known for Grand Prix
And classy dames fresh from Paree
And all those high rollers
With thick wads of dollars
Everything will turn out fine, you'll see
What will the news be tomarrow
Will it be good or horror
