I cannot solve the problems of the world
And guantam doesn't want a girl- he wants Earl
Will Santa reply
And send him a guy?
From the sled will he send Earl with a hurl?
Santa Claus has had it
Santa Claus has had it
His new elf is a misfit
Likes to flirt with Mrs. Claus
Santa Claus has had it
His new elf is a misfit
Likes to flirt with Mrs. Claus
Even Earl gives him pause
Santa Claus has had it
His new elf is a misfit
Likes to flirt with Mrs. Claus
Even Earl gives him pause
It's enough to give him a shitfit.
"I'm shaving off this damned beard"
Santa said " It makes me look just too wierd."
"I look like a hippie."
"and you can bet your sweet bippie."
.....
Sorry, I couldn't stop..... Joe
"I'm shaving off this damned beard"
Santa said " It makes me look just too wierd."
"I look like a hippie."
"and you can bet your sweet bippie."
that if I don't, rudolph'll have it seared
Did you hang out your stockings with care?
Did you put little bows on toy bears?
Did you hang out your stockings with care?
Did you put little bows on toy bears?
Wrap all the presents so nice,
Be sure to take off the price!
Did you hang out your stockings with care?
Did you put little bows on toy bears?
Is your tree flocked with snow?
Did you hang out your stockings with care?
Did you put little bows on toy bears?
Wrap all the presents so nice,
Be sure to take off the price!
Did you buy any extra to share?
Christmas is the time of year when
We do it again, and again and again and again.
I just struck the tree
Twelve months ago (seems like three!)
Christmas is the time of year when
We do it again, and again and again and again.
I just struck the tree
Twelve months ago (seems like three!)
It is wonderful, now, as then.
I am humming the songs of the season
The melodies ALWAYS are pleasin'
I am humming the songs of the season
The melodies ALWAYS are pleasin'
They buoy my heart
as I fill my cart
With gifts, might even buy me one.
My neighbor's gone berserk with Christmas lights
My neighbor's gone berserk with Christmas lights
They're blinding like your car headlight brights
Just wear your sunglasses
My neighbor's gone berserk with Christmas lights
They're blinding like your car headlight brights
Just wear your sunglasses
If his house you pass, as
It's brighter than Vegas most nights!
While sharing a sherry
With the sugarplum fairy
While sharing a sherry
With the sugarplum fairy
I plucked off her wings
and told her 3 things
one of which was that my name was mary
I fell last night (from the ladder)
and oops! it played havoc on my bladder,
I fell last night (from the ladder)
and oops! it played havoc on my bladder
As I lay on the floor
All twisted and sore
I peed in my pants and got madder!
Let's toast the season with wassail
Or perhaps champagne dry and pale
Let's toast the season with wassail
Or perhaps champagne dry and pale
We might even take
A piece of fruitcake
And all through the season, we Hail.
I have never seen a living reindeer!
And probably wont, I sadly fear.
I have never seen a living reindeer
And probably won't, I sadly fear
Unless they flee south in fright
"Cause the wackos are right
And we see their habitat disappear
We went skating on a frozen pond
We went skating on a frozen pond
Where a fairy'd waved her magic wand
On the ice we danced
We went skating on a frozen pond
Where a fairy'd waved her magic wand
On the ice we danced
We were both entranced
We went skating on a frozen pond
Where a fairy'd waved her magic wand
On the ice we danced
We were both entranced
Until our bottoms we fell on.
Last night I had a dream. It's strange but it's true!
We were ice skating on the ocean blue!
He fell in a hole
Last night I had a dream. It's strange but it's true!
We were ice skating on the ocean blue!
He fell in a hole
Alas, the poor soul,
When he thawed out was a deep purple hue.
I admit I love purple in all shades
