What do you think of living together before marrige?

Thanks for the invite...but I'm spoken for.

Is marriage nothing more than having Power of Attorney?
Is there any other reason to register such a personal thing ... with the government officials??

Seems like power of attorney, trust funds, and life insurance could cover most peoples needs, then only people I admire and respect would be involved in such a personal issue.

To me, marriage is a commitment. The commitment can be made, in my opinion, without the blessings of a church or a governmental entity.

It sounds as though you are agreeing -- although I am not sure.

IMNSHO, marriage doesn't protect anyone from anything. Good intentions are fine, but good planning is better.

Insurance, wills, ... the proof lies in the pudding of these things.

I'm big on rituals having their place in human society, and I think marriage is a particularly nice one. The friends and family gathering to witness two people pledge their vows to each other, especially. My wedding was just so fun, and people enjoyed it, and I delighted in all the strange juxtapositions as various strands of my life came together.

That kind of a party could have happened for any reason, I guess, though it is somewhat questionable whether my frail grandmother would have come from Florida (the last time I saw her) or my cousin from Argentina, or my friend from England, for a mere party. For better or for worse, marriage is seen as a serious thing, more serious than granting power of attorney or having a party for the heck of it.

It is this community aspect that I think can't be discounted -- taking one's place in the community, sharing your love for your partner with all of your other loved ones.

Not for everyone, no, but I'm awfully glad we did it.

I don't think you ever really know a person until you live with them. If you're willing to take that chance and get to know them while you are married, then go right ahead. But it isn't for me. I'm not sure marriage is for me at all, actually. I've been cohabittating for about 5 years now and I don't see why I would want to tinker around with something that seems to work. At this point, the only purpose I could see to having an actual wedding would be getting actual wedding presents.

Mrs. cav and I just thought of it as the opportunity to have a great party with our closest friends and family to celebrate our love for each other. The paper didn't mean a thing. Most of the prezzies were nice too....mind you, we planned the whole thing oursleves, and had less than 30 guests, so it was very nice indeed. No family on either side involved.

Presents! See, now your talking. I always thought that it should be fair to throw a 'I'm single' party. Why should all the married people get the gifts just because they decided to get a marriage license? Presents all around! Single people need stuff too!

Just to be more clear... I believe marriage is a powerful and sacred commitment, to be shared with family, friends, and the community you love.

I do not love, admire or respect the government, so why the heck should I tell them anything about it at all? What right(!) do they have to register or notate, judge or legislate anything as personal as a beautiful marriage?

So for the legal portion of it ... can we create a power of attorney, trust fund, and life insurance policy ... and that's got all the same benefits covered? Or are there any other reasons to legally register a marriage?

A really big tax advantage? Government benefits and "helpful" programs? Property management? ... ? The answer doesn't effect the Real marriage ceremony, but it does effect the legal decision to marry.

... Just wondering why the government is crashing the wedding party.

Thank you for your answers.
I am persuaded by "Phoenix32890". Yes marriage is important in our life.
so we can not decide easily. I agree with "Phoenix32890". :wink:
I think this problem depend on people`s situation, thought , time and place.
and I read many interesting story.
I hope to think thick with discussion like this.

and I do not know short words what is mean " imnsho " and "S.O."?

S.O. is an abbreviation for "significant other" - husband, wive, lover - the most important person in your life.

IMHO is a common internet abbreviation for "in my humble opinion". ehBeth created a (funny) new abbreviation, IMNSHO: "in my not so humble opinion".

Mac-I always use IMO. (In my opinion) I am not real big on humility.

IMNSHO - in my not so humble opinion - pretty standard short form at the other forums I spend time at. There are some good websites that list a lot of these abbreviations.

And I blunder in the door!

Hello Catelina. I'd say welcome but It's been so long since I was here I'll just say that I'm happy to meet you. As usual, I like Phoenix's answers. Just to be picky, there is a real difference between co-habitation and really living with somone. I lived with linda and then married her 28 years ago. Did it help? Well, sex was more convenient! What helped was the fact that we talked. We let each other know when we did something the other liked or disliked. We were honest and open and over a period of time came to understand the others expectations. For us, living together was just practice. Being blunt; a lot of couples end up living together for the sake of sex and the fact that it's cool. They still remain in the dating mode and a lot of things go unsaid for fear of offending or risking the displeasure of the other. Couples fool themselves into thinking that it will change once they are married. It doesn't. Parents! The people you are related to once you get married. Lindas parents knew we lioved together (actually I worked for her father!) so there was no friction there and no great push to "When are you two going to get married?". They liked me during both living situations and comfortable with it. Fidelity! Some couples actually think that if a partner cheats while they are living together, it's different than when you're married. It's not. Yet, they go ahead and get married and go to pieces when the partner cheats. Duh! I don't think that there is a correct answer to the question. When two people get married they are either ready or they aren't. If they comunicated with one another and developed a bond of trust they are more likely to succeed. If they just did the dating thing with sweet talk and avoidance gaming, it doesn't really matter if they lived together or not does it? (somebody please spellcheck this for me please! Thanks.)

I picked other. . . . . I don't intend on getting married. For me marriage isn't a goal of a relationship. Hmm. . . . I kinda think marriage is an outdated institution. I think its a little illogical to try to make things permanent when change is inevitable.

my wife and i were married eleven months after we met and we didn't live together (or have sex, to be candid) before we did. and we're very happy

I'm against the promotion of social decay in any form.

You did the right thing. :wink:

I disagree, but then that's what my morality dictates to me. :wink: