What do you think of living together before marrige?

Good question...I did it, and have a happy marriage now. I know some disagree with this though.

Welcome to A2K, catelina!

Wish I had an easy answer for your question.

My ex-hubby and I lived together for four years before we married and it didn't work out. But, we tried for eleven years after saying 'I do'. And we have a beautiful son to brag about ~ as well as a great friendship to fall back on.

Are you beholden to your parent's wishes? Or are you able to decide for yourself about living with your boyfriend?

Welcome, Catelina! Would you mind saying where you are from?

I also lived with the man who became my husband for 4 years before we got married, and we have been married for 7 years. For us, living together was wonderful. Part of that was we met when we were pretty young -- I was 21 -- and weren't ready for marriage at that point.

Like all of these questions, it depends on the individuals involved. I don't think I could say that living together before marriage is always the best possible idea. But I have seen it work more often than I've seen it fail.

Good luck!

Welcome to A2K.

I have lived with 3 different women. I married two of them. I am glad I didn't marry the one I didn't marry. Living together made me realize it would not work.
I wish I had waited longer with the second one, instead of marrying her a few months after living with her. That would have saved us a divorce (but no regrets, really, specially for the 2 wonderful boys we have).
The third one is currently my wife. We lived together a few years before deciding to marry. That was wise.

Welcome to A2K, Catelina! What an excellent and interesting topic.
(If I understand the poll correctly, (lady) and (gentleman) indicates who is voting).

I voted "I agree" because so many people get married at a young and inexperienced age, and this results in many divorces.

We live in a very mobile and complex world today, and it takes many more years for a person to grow up, learn skills, be able to deal with the world competently, and develop a full understanding of who they are.

People are still learning and developing their identity, their sense of "self", well into their twenties. If someone's identity is still changing, how can one possibly commit to marrying them? The person you married may turn out to be a completely different person a few years later!

Better they live together, experience and learn what things go into a good household, then when both people feel stable and reliable as complete individuals, then make the commitment.

A real commitment takes real understanding and knowledge.

Thank you. Cavfancier,Rae,Sozobe,Fbaezer and CodeBorg.
Rae, Yes, I am beholden to my parent`s wishes but my boy friend did not say live together before marrige. :wink:
One day I told with my friends about this problem, and I saw this site yesterday.
and I hope to talk with people so I ask you.
and Sozobe, I am Korean and I live in Korea. Korea stand in Asia.

Thanks for that info, Catelina.

I would say that if there is a significant cultural opposition to living together, it may not be worth it. I don't know enough about the cultural of Korea, but my impression is that it is much more frowned upon to live together before marriage there than it is in the U.S. (which is where I live.)

I am not against it in principle, but, in my experience, those who do so seem incapable of getting married later and staying together. I lived with my first wife almost a year before marriage. After almost 6 years it ended. My present wife and I did not live together until about a week after the ceremony. This year we will have a renewal of vows when we celebrate our 25th anniversary.

Welcome! Although we are glad to meet you, we may not be the ones to ask. Most of us have not lived in Korea; because of that, we are not familar with the Korea culture. Thus, our answers may not be wise.

My brother taught English in Japan, he is married to a Japanese woman, and he has visited Korea. I understand from what he has told me that it is much more difficult to live together first in an Asian culture, especially when you are a 'gaijin' looking to marry a Japanese woman. Luckily, my family and his bride's family were able to work out their differences, but I do not think they officially 'lived' together before marriage. However, there were many nights together :wink:

I think if I was younger I might live with my boyfriend before marriage, but not now. I'm engaged but we do not live together.

For me, I think I'm good enough to marry, not just split the rent. If there's some 'living together' issue we cannot work around after we are married, well, then our 10 years total (friends then lovers) together really didn't carry a lot of weight to begin with.

So, the answer just lies in a case by case basis. Many studies have been done to indicate that people who live together before marriage do not have a higher rate of success with marriage. Then again, there are some people that live together for 30 years and never get 'married'. It's all in what you are comfortable with, not a good 'test' of marriage.

I checked "other". I cannot make a blanket statement about such an important decision. I think that there is a qualitative difference between living together and being married. I am very leery of young people who live together with the attitude "well, if it doesn't work, it will be easier to break up".

True, many young marriages don't work out. But I think that besides the legal protections, there IS an attitude of permanence (that may or may not happen) that one expects when we marry. I think that when one goes into a marriage, there may be a greater attempt to work out problems, that when a couple simply lives together.

I think that if two people are mature, and love each other, and have the expectation that it will be a permanent relationship, that it is fine for them to live together. If the relationship meets these three criteria, why not make it legal?

Living together psychologically (as well as legally) is not the same as living together. I have known a number of people in my lifetime, who lived together happily, got married, only to have the marriage fall apart shortly afterwards. The reason was that there were different expectations after the marriage, that the couples did not consider when they were living together!

I think I sort of fell into living with my wife before we got married, which turned out to be a good thing, emotionally and financially. We had got to know each other, and finally went on our first big date and I spent the night. The next day she said "This is really weird...." I said "What is?" She said "For some reason I don't want to kick you out, and I always want a guy gone in the morning." Anyway, that's when the stinky boy socks and underwear started creeping in.... It worked for us, it doesn't for everyone.

Nancy and I have lived together for over twenty years now -- and neither of us wants to get married. We call each other husband and wife -- but neither of us wants the blessings of a church or the state in order to feel that we are commited.

We are monogomous -- and are about the happiest couple I know. We seldom fight -- and even when we have a minor disagreement, we normally work through it quickly with little in the way of residuals.

I am 67; she is 48.

We are soul mates.

Frank, I would be very interested in finding out more about your "soul mate" relation. Have you explored it on other threads? If so, which ones?

I've discussed it several times over in Abuzz -- and can probably give you a few links over there. Never over here before.

Since I can't really see any purpose/benefit to getting married, I'll definitely cast any vote given to me for living together.

ehBeth- What about legal protection? If a S.O. becomes ill, the partner has absolutely no say in the other person's care. The children or parents can step in, and leave the partner out in the cold, legally.

I had an elderly aunt who lived with her boyfriend. He sickened and passed away. A week later, his children told her that she had to leave the apartment that they shared. He owned it, and as such, the kids were entitled to it!

Well, you might say, why didn't the man leave the apartment to her in his will? If he were married to her, he certainly would have, but if he went through the legal machinations, he might as well have married her!

Actually Phoenix, you can grant the partner a power of attorney to take care of all those things that concern you. Nancy and I have documents to that effect.