Playon,
I didn't count, but I noticed the words frustrating and difficult being used to describe you a lot in that post.
Do you think that might be worth paying attention to?
BTW: why do you always pick guys who are going away?
re
i wonder the same thing
I just dont know if i should forget him...or have hope since he said he wants to hang out until he leaves...
I don't think you should forget him. I think you should try listening to him.
Here's why I got from it:
-he likes you
-he would like to keep seeing you
-he finds you frustrating and dependent
-he will not make promises he can't keep (good thing)
You make it impossible for anyone to be with you.
Playon, until you start looking at yourself and how you relate to people, you will continue this cycle of guys over and over again.
Aren't you sick of it yet?
Do you want to keep talking, or are you ready to listen?
good luck
Playon--
Flushd is talking good sense.
Remember the recent past? You do not do well with a geographical separation between you and your man.
You don't have to kick this guy out the door--but you do have to accept that he's going back to college; that he won't be home every weekend; that when he is home, he's going to have some family obligations....
He seems very honest, very open, very upfront. If you enjoy his company through August, good. He's made it clear he won't be around in September.
This doesn't mean you are a worthless person--or that he is a louse--it means that he's going back to college and his college degree is more important to him than you are. What would you expect after 5 weeks? Wedding plans?
Good luck.
playon, go back to the post you wrote and read it aloud. Pretend that you didn't write it and you're reading the story of someone else. What advice would you give this other person? Remove yourself from the story and the answer will be obvious.
re
i'd tell them that if they are looking for a long term boyfriend, dont waste your time on him
That's not what i want to tell myself though. I want to say that he sounds uncertain, so stick around, behave and maybe he'll change his mind
It is annoying though...he mentioned us doing something this week yesterday...but no mention of it in sight.
Well then what you need to do is get a grip on reality. Really, you already know there is no long term relationship for you here. In the meantime he's in town for a few more weeks and is willing to spend some time with you while he's here AS LONG AS YOU STOP BEING SO ANNOYING!
He will not change his mind, nor should he if he's away at college. How old is this guy? You're what now, 25 or 26? Is he a kid? Let him go.
re
no he's 29, he's a full time mba student. He is acting like a kid i think though! Why did he bother to get involved with me if he knew that when he left he didnt want anything serious?? I dont get men...some of them really must be just looking for short term relationships ):
Here is my dilemma now...he was the last to email me yesterday evening...when should i write back? I am going away this weekend for 5 days, he knows this and said, well then we should hang out this week since you'll be away. He said he would look at his schedule and figure it out...well of course nothing yesterday was said about us going out again...
so i dont know what to do next...i want to play this one right.
Quote:...maybe he'll change his mind
...and maybe he won't. Playon, he's told you where he stands. He's fine with a summer romance.
Quote:i want to play this one right.
You can play coy, you can play hardball you can play "Chopsticks". He's playing Summer Romance and he's leaving town at the end of the month.
You can't change his game. You can't change his rules. You can listen to him being honest and telling you the truth.
Since this is a short-term romance, why don't you practice being a cheerful, non-needy woman?
re
i just feel like he isnt going to ask me out again ):
Should i email him back today? He wrote last night.
Playon--
Practice detachment.
Wait for him to contact you.
Practice detachment.
re
ok.
So i should not respond to his email?
Ok, here's exactly what you should do. DO NOT email him back for at least the next 24 hours *unless* he gets back to you with his availability. Tomorrow, if you haven't heard from him, pick up the phone and with your voice ask him if he still wants to get together this week before you leave. If he answers the phone, fine, have a real conversation. If he doesn't answer, leave the message. DO NOT sound paranoid, needy, or clingy.
Once he gets back to you with his availability, look at your schedule and see if you're free. DO NOT keep your calendar empty hoping he will fill it. If you already have plans for that time, KEEP THEM, and tell him when you could see him. Checking your schedules back and forth, arrive at a time when you can get together and then do so.
DO NOT try to convince yourself that this is another date of many to come. It is a date of few to come so enjoy it while it lasts, or cut the cord right now and move on to your next victim.
Re: re
playon wrote: Why did he bother to get involved with me if he knew that when he left he didnt want anything serious?? I dont get men...some of them really must be just looking for short term relationships ):
This is your life in a nutshell and it came from our own thoughts. You seem to be under the mistaken impression that the men you meet are interested in something serious, some kind of long term relationship. There might be the occasional guy out there who has come to this decision and is actually looking to get involved, but those guys tend to put ads in the personals. The guys you meet in bars, parties, and through your friends are in all likelihood NOT looking for a relationship. Relationships happen slowly and naturally, they are not pushed, forced, or otherwise controlled.
re
Relationships happen slowly and naturally, they are not pushed, forced, or otherwise controlled.
Ok...so why doesnt that happen with any of the guys i meet
I am not calling him....
Because your anxieties get in the way and you start pushing, forcing and trying to control every guy you date into thinking it's a relationship. This guy was incredibly honest with you, playon. Again, go back and read the first post you wrote about him. Read it as if HE was writing it. Can you tell how frustrating it is for him?
re
i wonder if there was ever a possibility of him wanting something serious with me? Or the whole time since he was leaving, was he thinking he just wanted to have fun?
Re: re
Here, I'm going to make this easier for you. This is the post you should read with total detachment. You've already said you would advise someone else not to get their hopes up for a long term relationship. Now pretend you're this guy. What advice would you give him?
playon wrote:I need more advice on this. Things were a bit rocky with this guy last week. He was busy, went away at one point, i didnt hear from him much. We made plans on monday for friday. On Thursday we got into a bit of an argument. I called him, we talked he made no mention of us going out. I asked him if he even wanted to go out, he basically said he found me to be frustrating. We ended the convo ok, but the next day he cancelled saying he was throwing up. Turns out he really was. So the next night he calls me and is drunk, tells me he really likes me, but finds me to be frustrating, difficult, etc. He had told my friend the same thing earlier. He just made a lot of mention that night that he really likes me...but i'm difficult. THen he left without saying goodbye. Next day, calls, leaves a voimceail apologizing for leaving without saying bye, says he was drunk and frustrated, but would love to talk to me, would love to see me, and if i dont hate him, call him back. I called, we didnt talk about much, he did say he was frustrated, but asked if we could just enjoy spending time together rather than disccussing it.
He was going shopping and he invited me along. Things were fine. Towards the end, he sat down on the grass in the parking lot and basically told me a lot of useful information. Ill spare you the boring details, but basically yes he thinks im frustrating at times, but he still likes being with me. He pointed out that he is only here for another month and what would i see happening when he leaves for school. It seemed weird to be talking about it when we've only known each other 5 weeks...but he is leaving in a month. He pretty much said that he would be leaning towards not continuing things when he goes back to school. Said he didnt date anyone last year there and it worked well for him. He also said that i seem pretty demanding and there would be expectations that he perhaps couldnt meet in terms of coming to visit me, calling me, etc. He said he's very busy up there. He said that he's had a taste of my behavior already and baically thinks i would get mad if i didnt hear from him according to my needs or see him.
I basically told him that it sounds like he thinks i'm not worth it, he said, i can see how youd think that, but that's not the case. He asked a lot of questions like would i date anyone else if we continued things, how often would i expect to see him. I said that he is only going 2 hours away so to me it would be doable granted things were still good. He said that he has done ldrs before and they didnt work for him. He said he wasnt totally ruling out a possiblilty of continuing things, but he said that if he left tomorrow...he wouldnt want to.
Overall...i cant blame him. He's in a very rigourous program and we dont know each other well. I appreciated that he brought it up and was honest. a lot of guys wouldnt be and would probably just try and take what they wanted (sex) and not think twice about it, just knowing that they'd be skipping town soon.
so i know i should probably end this...i told him he was being sort of negative about the whole thing and he said he'd rethink things tonight...i dont imagine he'll change his mind though
Re: re
playon wrote:i wonder if there was ever a possibility of him wanting something serious with me? Or the whole time since he was leaving, was he thinking he just wanted to have fun?
Highly doubtful. You are, were, and will be a summertime fling. Have fun with it, if you can.
LOL
