Dlowan's weird work questions (about stuff to do with kids )

bm

Chai--

I think you've got something--the thrill and lure of hijacked maturity is very powerful.

This adds another layer of complications to explaining the dangers of precocious sexuality.

I stopped reading about 1/2 way through page 3, and skimmed page 4.

so forgive me if this has been covered, but i had this idea and needed to drop it before I forgot it as I head out to the store.



Can you use puberty as an age marker?

talk about the diffrences between the body before and after , and use that to some advantage for explaining why sex isnt a good thing to do BEFORE puberty?

I know there are no real reasons even if you dont have breasts and body hair to not have sex if everything works.
but the diffrence may help 'define' a time boundry? I dont mean personal boudnry.. I mean .. something that is concrete ( some what) that helps give a kid an idea of when it might begin to be ok, and safe?

ehh?



( i hope that made sense... ) but i gotta run

Noddy's post really made me think.

And then, it was weird what dlowan posted right after about film.

OK, this is going to sound disjointed, but maybe there's a connection.

I started a thread a couple of days ago, really just as a joke, called something like "scary flashback"

I'm surprised at how many people have responded with the little things that scared them in childhood, but at the same time you kept wanting to go back and look, experience them.

For me at least the allure was not the thrill of being frightened, like in a fun way on a carnival ride, but more this deeper darker thing. More like, "is it still there? will it still frighten me if I look again? maybe it's gone away, let me check."

Some things are fun scary, like maybe a roller coaster, because you know it's only a few minutes, and I don't know you can actually call it a fear rather than a physical rush.

Some things are scary, but you don't have any desire to keep going back there. Like holding you hand over an open flame. You burn yourself, it hurts and you learned that you have no desire to do that again, and don't, even though it's still a scary thing.

Sexual feelings though, can fall into this strange gray area. You feel it. It feels good.....well.....sorta....it kinda maybe feels scary too.

As an adult when I feel sexual, I don't feel scared because I know I'm in a safe place with a safe person, be it if I'm alone or with someone else.

If you are a kid, and feeling sexual, there not only this strange sex feeling you like and don't like at the same time...there's also the fear of getting caught....being told what you're doing it wrong, etc.

So, like the other stuff that scared and enticed you as a child, you keep going back.

Does that make any sense?

I was thinking about your "wierd work question" thread today.

It seems to me that the reason... she/he did not "ask" you to..... should be sufficiant...... but than what if a kid says lets play mummy and daddy........

With some stuff about having enough life experience to recognise consenting body language thrown in. Children dont give off sexual signals they do however give off submissive signals can the two be confused?

Somewhere I read about people who lack empathy. They just havn't learned it. Need to teach your clients empathy.

Is the problem too individual for a blanket answer?

Anyhow just a collection of rambling thought, nothing concrete.

pm ing cause some dipshit will want to accuse me of a pedofile interest in your thread.

Do you really think the dipshits would?

And would you care?

Do mins feel so uncomfortable re addressing questions re kids and sex these days?

Re empathy...lol! For a looooong time the "teaching" of empathy for those whose experiences have led them to lack it was considered impossible...you know not what you ask. That's like saying "Oh, and ensure world peace by the end of the week, Miss Jones."

But yes, there are some ways, we hope, of doing some repair re that, and believe me, I do my best.

The "didn't ask you to" is nice for a few of me kids.

Dumb thread to start.

I disagree, possibly the wrong place to ask it but still made me think. and you might have got "one out of the box".

Frankly, I was scared of attracting the Nambla (spelling?) types, not the you types.

dlowan wrote:

Frankly, I was scared of attracting the Nambla (spelling?) types, not the you types.

I think you were correct in questioning the spelling of that acronym, dlowan, but do you actually believe A2K is infiltrated with creatures of that ilk?

Of course, your spelling may be correct, but, for some reason it comes off sounding like an African country.

I will have someone else look for the proper title since I have no desire to plunge into that particular section of internet hell.

shewolfnm wrote:

Can you use puberty as an age marker?

With an older kid and a much younger one of course I would, and have, explain re likely physical injury.
.

I was wanting some diamond hard focused stuff

I think this is stuff that intelligent and thoughtful parents grapple with

Look, the hard end kids I see are usually boys....a male viewpoint was something I was especially hoping for

Deb I'm still struggling with what you really want to know.

Q. Why does a boy of of this age abuse?

A. Lack of alternative role models. Lack of self esteem.

Q. What you tell such a kid to make him understand he shouldnt do this?

I dont think there is a quick easy answer. ?? Provide the kid with alternative role models (the good kind).

Quote:

I was wanting some diamond hard focused stuff

about what exactly

Quote:

I think this is stuff that intelligent and thoughtful parents grapple with

I am not so sure. I know I would rather avoid the subject of violent sexual abuse by children. Yeah its a bit head in the sand i know but the sort of thing you are talking about is not really all that common in my world.

Quote:

Look, the hard end kids I see are usually boys....a male viewpoint was something I was especially hoping for

a view point about kids and sex? about abusive sex?

sorry, as I said before I'm not all that good at reading between the lines.

It seems the answer is damned hard

Quote:

It seems the answer is damned hard

and that is probally why everyone is stumbling around trying to find some words..

Dadpad,
i am guessing what she might be looking for is how to tell a young boy that he can not have sex with younger kids, or even kids his own age right now.
Even though his body CAN do it, and he enjoys how it feels and according to him and his body, there is nothing WRONG with it.

He may be violent in his sexual behaviors . that is another ball park all together, but for the most part..

Societies RULES say - no public nudity
masturbation ISNT ok ( even though as an adult we know it is)
and sex isnt always ok .

but these are concepts that belong to an adult. Not a child. Even when it comes to violent sex.
kids dont GET IT on a level we do.

So how do you give that to them?

So how do you pass that on to a child with out using the age old " just dont do it" answer?
You have to hit a nerve with a child for the lesson to stick and hit them in a way that makes sense to them and gives them an 'ah-ha' moment.



but that is just my guess..