Well.... duh... of course I've CONTEMPLATED divorce.

Freak.

try it with your teeth...

I may be a freak, but want are you going do if you lose use of your hands and arms. Also, it comes in extremely helpful when I drop something. I simply use my toes to pick it up rather than bending. That was especially helpful when I was pregnant.

I do THAT all the time.

My toes can pick up some pretty strange things

Like a maxi pad, that slipped under the next stall in a public bathroom



dont ask
i wont explain

I'm not worried about the maxi pad, but you actually took your shoes off in a public bathroom????

I had to reach the pad..

and im not so sure the poor person in that stall will ever get over that day..

Shewolf, dear friend, how is it that you can make me howl with laughter and let go with an "Eeeeuuuuuwwww" at the same time?

Boomer, I contemplated for so many years, finally doing the deed after 34 years of marriage. That gives you an idea of what a wimp I am. Now, with Dys, what I mostly contemplate is living as long as possible now that life is so sweet.

Did you wonder after the social worker had left, how many people lie when asked that question? The question itself is so lacking in human understanding--most people are like you, contemplating most things with a combination of simple curiosity and an active imagination.

Sounds logical to me.

It was to me too

until i realized that the stall next to me wasnt empty.

Shoulda stopped reading four or five posts ago, but noooooooooooooo...



Anyway.



Never comtemplated divorce in 27 years of marriage. Honest.
There were times, though, that I contemplated going out for a drive and
just keeping on driving. And driving. And driving.

So George it sounds like you contemplated desertion, but not divorce - seems to me just a matter of legality in a sense.

Shewolfn - just came from the bathroom and couldn't help but laugh imagining a bare foot sneaking in from the next stall.

Well, I never thought of it like that, but, yeah, you're right.
Desertion? Yikes. How cruddy is that?

We're going to celebrate our 23rd anniversary in a week or so. Sure, I have fleetingly contemplated divorce a few times, but luckily I've come to my senses quickly each time. I am married to a very good man.

It's the DREAMING about divorcing him that really bothers me. It happens every so often without reason, and I wake up in a cold sweat every time. Maybe that's because I've been through one divorce and hope to God I never have to go there again. There's nothing quite like having gone to hell and back to make one stay on the straight and narrow.

Boomer, that was a dumb question. She should be shot. Or at least neutered.

Aren't you Catholic, George?

I only ask because my brother and his wife are Catholic -- he converted in order to marry her. He attributes the fact that she has not divorced him (he's a soldier and is away a lot) to the fact that she was raised to believe that divorce was NOT an option and to the premarital counseling they did with the priest before the wedding where they were made to consider some of the BIG aspects of marriage. They both went into the marriage understanding that they would have to deal with whatever life threw at them.

I think the seriousness of a lifelong commitment is better understood when divorce is not available as an easier way out.

I've been married 4 times so I've gone beyond contemplating it, but never have I thought of leaving squinney.

Can't speak for her of course.

I think most people DO go into marriage thinking it will last forever, and expecting that it will be difficult and they will have to work on it at times. I don't think lack of commitment is necessarily the problem.

To use my first marriage as a good example...

I was deeply religious and so was my husband. We absolutely didn't believe in divorce. We knew marriage was a lifetime commitment. The only reason sanctioned by our church was adultery, and we certainly never thought anything like that would ever happen.

I was 19 years old. A year after we married, I had to face the fact that I didn't even like the person I had married. After five years of hell...emotional abuse, psychological games, bad counseling, cruelty, as well as our basic incompatibility...the time came when I knew we couldn't continue to live together. The relationship was slowly killing me. Literally. Still, I didn't expect to get a divorce...I just thought we would live apart. Then I found out he had cheated on me with a close friend of mine. At that point, there was no trust left on ANY level.

So I left. And we.......divorced.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

I learned a lot about people, and even more about life. Sometimes we get ourselves into situations that we cannot handle. No matter how determined we are, and no matter what we try, we just cannot make things work.

Simply put...sometimes people fail.

And sometimes...more often than we might suspect...they rebound from it.

So...don't be too harsh or quick to judge until you know what someone has been through.

I consider myself Catholic. (Technically, I'm a heretic.)
Yes, the position of my church has had a strong influence on my view of divorce.
But even stronger is the fact that my father divorced my mother and I
have invested a whole helluva lot of energy into not being my father.

I would have to argue that people DO go into marriages thinking more along the lines of
" I will always feel butterflies in my belly. That is love. When they are gone, I will divorce"

Divorce isnt a big issue anymore. And alot of people see it as a good resolution to often times, simple , temporary problems.

In the backs of their minds is the saying " If it doesnt work, I can always just get a divorce"
There doesnt seem to be a sense of HAVING to work it out anymore.

Of course, I am only speaking with stats in mind.. and not any actual PEOPLE.

But then again, sort of like Eva, I went into my first marriage thinking -" I have to make thiw work. Divorce is NOT an option"

( all the while, in the back of my mind, i was thinking.. what the f**k are you DOING?! )