asking for tips?

Wow...

I think that waitress was speaking on her own behalf, not the management.
Without knowing anymore, she sounds like she was just totally without class and didn't realize there were other ways to ensure a tip, like by giving excellent service.

I can't imagine what my response would be if a waitstaff person came up and said that…..I'd probably try to assimilate what they were saying for a moment, then say "oh really?" as in "oh, how interesting. thank you for coming over here and sharing that"

Did it seem like she was new or something? Maybe she'd gotten stiffed in the past and thought this was the best way to counteract that. It certainly wouldn't have made a positive impression on me.

Even though we're talking about it here, and it's interesting to see how others handle it…I think talking about money in public is gauche. For instance, I hate it when you're with a group of people, and someone has to get out the bill and figure to the penny what everyone owes, and add in this little minimum tip and everyone is supposed to scrounge around looking for nickels in the bottom of their bag….Jesus Christ….that's another one of those "If you need to be so careful as to who had the grilled cheese and who ate the hamburger, and who drank ice tea as opposed to someone who had a beer, then stay home."

In that kind of situation, I'm like to throw a twenty on the table and say, "here, just let me know if I have anything coming back." And then involve myself in conversation with whoever else isn't having the time of their lives figuring the tax on a bowl of soup.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not rich, but hey, that crap's just not worth it.

If I walk out paying $3.72 cents more than my fair share, because some ordered the steak and chipped in like they ordered chicken, it's not gonna make or break me. I mean, I can't imagine saying to someone, uh…I think you owe more because you ordered that spinach deep appetizer. See that's where is comes back to the tipping. Someone who's cheap will cover just what they ate, and some measly amount for someone who schlepped back and forth for us, if that extra money goes in the waiters pocket, that's fine by me.

I'll bet anyone here who's been a waiter can tell stories about groups of friends who all end up paying separately, causing him/her to get screwed with the tip, just because one person wouldn't ante up a couple of extra bucks.


so...mg...do people not tip in pubs and restaurants there?

I've been to countries, mostly South Pacific islands, where tipping is problematic. A tip is seen as a gift, and a gift requires a return gift in their cultures, especially as you are a guest in their country. It can become awkward and funny, or at worse -- embarassing to the tippee. Very bad manners to embarass someone who considers themselves your host.

When travelling, it's very important to know the local customs.

I do have a question about tipping our (North American) concierge at Christmas. We have 2 -- a weekend one and a weekday one. How much is customary, and what should the difference be for each?

Hey Tico...just found this...very interesting...
I was glad to know I was in line with the custom.


Customary Tips

Chai, I hate that too. It's ridiculous figuring out to the penny what everyone owes. Plus you have the other kind of people who are cheap f*cks, and that's why after everyone chipped in the bill is still short. I have a friend like that. He'll order more food, or more expensive food, while everyone else is getting sandwiches. Then he'll throw in whatever the bill is divided by the 4 people or whatever. Dumb f*ck.

Chai Tea, Good link on tipping. I saved it. Thank you.

Ok as long as we're all halfway derailing….I've gotta good one for you slappy, as far as cheapskates.

I have this girlfriend I've known from high school days. We both ended up living a few miles from each other in South Fla. Really didn't see her much anymore…you know how it goes.

Anyway, she invites me over for an evening for "fun with the girls" She'd invited 5 or 6 other chicks she knew and we were going to watch movies and ****.

Well first off, turns out I was the only married woman there (had only been married like a year at the time) and I had forgotten what it was going to be like…OMG slappy, you would have loved being a fly on the wall. Everyone telling their "why can't I find a good guy…why are men such jerks…I give and I give and I give, but get nothing from him" and the #1…"Men just won't talk!" Now, all of us are in our late 20's, early 30's, so it's not like we haven't all been around the block

So…I'm just sittin' there with nothing to say…hey, I'm gettin' it every night, you know? No complaints. Then, they start asking me questions, but phrased like I'm supposed to be all complaining…."uh, no, he's a really great guy, Yeah, I love him"

Then the movie gets popped in……ready for this?.........


What Love Got to Do With It?

Oh god, could it be more perfect?

Anyway, now we've got to order the chick pizzas…Here's the part that blew me away. My girlfriend came from a good Italian family in Jersey…and she frickin' orders Dominos….WTF…

Anyway, the movies on, half the room is talking about guys, now we all have to decide how much we owe….there's what? 8 of us? I toss in 10 bucks, the one's interested in that sh!t are counting the dollars, "Oh, now we have to add a tip!" Somehow, we're going to be all short with the money, like not even enough to pay for the food, let alone tip. Now half the room is saying things like "well, I put in 3 dollars, and they're $12 a piece, so that's a quarter of a pie…" Oh my GOD! This went on for 20 minutes until the pizza guy got to the door and suddenly it's like "OH!!! We don't have enough!!!! So of course, just by the fact I wanted everyone to shut the phuck up so I could watch the movie, I put in another fiver.

Now….the pizza's all get divided out, and I'm sitting there with this nasty slice of Dominos pizza that tastes like cardboard. I'm starving so I eat it, but I'm still hungry, so go to get another piece around the time Angela Basset is turning into a Buddhist, the foods ALL GONE!

$15.00 for a slice of pizza….

weeeee………

I HATE people who don't pay their f*cking share.

Especially when it's a large group. Give the waitress/er a break! If you want to pay exactly what you ow, everyone should tip 'em what they'd tip them if they were the only ones there, right?

Or people who mooch off the appitizer after they said they didn't want anything and then don't offer to chip in something. Normally, I'd just be like, whatever, I got it and I'd offer them some if they wanted it. But not offering to chip in is R U D E. Or when someone says "I got the bill, don't worry about it" and everyone is like "OK!" and runs away. I always say "Well thank you very much....I got the tip".

Am I weird?

No, not at all...I think that makes perfect sense.

If someone offers to pay for me, and it's their turn anyway, I'll alway say I've got the tip.

When another gf came to visit last month, whenever we went out, I wanted to play the host and pay for meals, so I said...."hey, let me pay for whatever, and you can pay the tips. That way we avoided the "oh, let ME!" deal.

That way, she was my guest, and she felt like she was part of it all.

Really bad assumption, depending upon where you are.

In NYC, it's a dollar for every five on the bill or on the cab's meter.
Haircutters, shampoo artists (that woman's hand are wonderful), the waiters at my favorite lunch spot, all get tipped and I don't have to wait for an appointment and I get whatever table I want.

Think of it as you are hiring that person to work just for you for the next few minutes or hours, then pay up if they do a good job.

It is the greatest pleasure to take someone to dinner and get a waiter who doesn't mumble the specials, remembers to bring the extra butter and, I don't know, seems to enjoy taking care of us.

Joe(ah, yes, just a little more wine, thank you)Nation

You're my kinda man Joe (slips me a ten) Nation.

Down, girl.

Wait. That doesn't sound right.

Im sure this should be on another thread but thought Id ask here.

For the last 10 years Ive gone out with friends for meals, about twice a year, new year and someones birthday.
Im not made of money and so I order cheaper things so I can (theoretically) keep my cost down and I dont drink, i just have water.
But at the end of it, the price of the meal is divided equally so I have ended up paying £20+ more than I had too.

Over the years this has added up to £400+ of wasted money.
Is it justified for me to be ***really** p*ssed off by this?

Out of the blue Ive only paid for what I had as someone stood up for me last Christmas!!
Now it seems to be ok for me to pay for what I ordered.

You have two choices:

1) get them to agree that you will only pay for what you ordered.

2) don't go out with that group.


Joe

That group would be my life long friends so its a bit tough.
I get the impression some people dont like it that I dont pay an equal share.But I dont like having to pay an equal share,its not fair.Would they like to pay for half my meal??!!

I will only pay for what I order now.Im gona put my foot down.

To me its simple, if we all pay for what we ordered there would be enough money to go round.
The old way,others were ordering expensive meals and bottles of wine and I was paying for alot of it and they were getting a discount!!!
Not fair in my opinion.

I dont mind paying £25-£30 a go even if i only ordered £20, but £50+ takes the p*ss.

wow - I hear ya on this one mg.

I don't drink, so I'd be annoyed if asked to share in the cost of mixed drinks or bottles of wine....that really does add up, and if you're celebrating could end up costing as much as, or more than the food.

How about this? Ask the waiter that the bar tab and the food tab be rung up on 2 separate bills. Just do that nicely in front of everyone, so it'll all be upfront.

Then, when the bill comes you could pay a set percentage of the bill and feel ok about leaving the bar tab to be divided up amongst those that drank. Then, you don't need to order the cheapest thing on the menu, knowing it's not going to be such a big total.

If someone said something about splitting the bar tab, I'd just say "Oh! That's why I asked for a separate bar tab, I didn't have any drinks" and let them fill in the blanks.

More than likely, there's at least one other person at the table who's breathing a sigh of relief, as they probably drank 1 or 2 glasses of wine, and didn't want to pay for 3 or 4 bottles either.

If this was just an isolated incident (like my pizza story) that's one thing. However, I'll bet you could tell me right now who the biggest boozer is, who's been getting a free ride.

Yeah, food and drink are two separate issues.

Chai (former boozer but paid own way) Tea

Im sure there is no malice intended by my fellow restaurant companions.I just dont think people realise that going out for a meal is a big chunk out of someones income(if they dont get much, like me).My immediate friends have gone for well paid jobs and have alot of disposable income.

I have to admit the biggest drinkers are the ones that earn most money or husbands with most money(they wont be paying for it themselves).

There is an episode of FRIENDS which I totally relate to where Joey, Rachel and Phoebe (the lowest income people)get annoyed at continuously going out to celebrate for lots of things.Phoebe orers a salad and a glass of water, then Monica the birthday girl didnt have to pay because its her birthday so the bill was even bigger for them!!

Its not even an income things.As I said before if we take note of the prices of what we individually ordered we can then hand over the right amount of money at the end of the meal and there will be enough to cover the bill!!
Im happy to pay for what i had just not other peoples orders!!!!!Grrrrrr, Im getting myself wound up again.

Thanks for being understanding.It has led to me getting really upset about socialising and I have dreaded many a meal.

well....there may be no actual malice intended, BUT....

those at the table who make a lot more money know it. If the bar tab was separate, they know they have more income to cover it. Face it, someone is being a cheapskate.

If the same 5 or 6 people have gone out a bunch of times, somewhere along the line it's been noticed who drinks and who doesn't.

It's hard for me to believe others are as oblivious to income differences plus ordering/drinking differences as you are saying.

I think separating out the 2 distinct parts of the bill would help that.

BTW, who is physically picking up the bill and saying "hmmmm...200 bucks, that's 40 bucks apiece"? Is it the same person all the time?

If two bills arrived simultaneously, and whoever picked up the bill tried to add them together, it would be quite fair to say..."I didn't drink, what's my portion of the food"?

Everyone know drinks are more expensive, and I can't imagine anyone would ask you to chip in for something you didn't touch.

That's the problem, the booze charge is being "hidden" in the food charge. You're just separating that out.

Would you have a problem saying to the waiter right at the beginning "please separate the bar and food tab"?

If so, why?

What do others think of this suggestion?

I think it's easiest to say, when the server takes your order, that you would like separate bills. Then tip that server well for the trouble of making separate bills. I see, with some relief, that this is becoming quite common with groups. I've even seen servers cheerfully put 2 or 3 tabs on one bill and each of the rest of the table separately.

My finances are up & down. I don't always have the money to support my friends' hearty appetites. And the times when I'm broke are the times when I most need the company of friends. On the other hand, when I am flush, I do buy a round of drinks, a bottle of wine, or some fabulous desserts for the table.

On the topic of splitting the bill equally even though some do not drink is an interesting issue. Our circle of friends have known each other since we were all single. We have an annual January New Years party - usually at our home, and we go out to eat at a relatively nice restaurant before we come to our place for "games." We have split the bill equally all these years even though some in our group are tee-totallers and others order hard drinks and wine during the meal.

When I go out with a small group of "friends," I don't mind paying for my share or the whole bill - including the tip.