Rex

So that is my life in a nut shell.

I don't always come out with it but it doesn't bother me.

I am still the same person who thinks the same way I have and I still have the authority to speak truth no matter who I sleep with.

If people don't want to listen they they can find the truth elsewhere, "maybe".

Peace with God

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RexRed wrote:

Ok, here it is for you all, I am dating a man almost half my age... We have been together for almost five years.

He is the faithful one...

I just recently cheated on him and gave him/us a couple curable STD's.

The problem was that he was so nice about it.

I am still waiting on more vital tests results to come in.

So how do I deal with this? By being mean and angry...

So, I hate myself.

Back to this.

"the problem was that he was so nice about it"

the cheating's not the problem
getting/giving STD's not the problem

You deal with him being nice by being mean and angry.

Seems like there's a lot in there that you need to really lay out more clearly - for your own sake, if not his.

~~~~~~~

He loves you.

You say you hate yourself.

~~~~~~~

Is it yourself you hate?

The relationship that you're in?

Is this your first long-term friendship and relationship?

(you don't have to answer all of my questions here, or now - I'm throwing out what I'm seeing and questions for you to consider/reflect on)

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ehBeth wrote:

RexRed wrote:
Ok, here it is for you all, I am dating a man almost half my age... We have been together for almost five years.

He is the faithful one...

I just recently cheated on him and gave him/us a couple curable STD's.

The problem was that he was so nice about it.

I am still waiting on more vital tests results to come in.

So how do I deal with this? By being mean and angry...

So, I hate myself.

Back to this.

"the problem was that he was so nice about it"

the cheating's not the problem
getting/giving STD's not the problem

You deal with him being nice by being mean and angry.

Seems like there's a lot in there that you need to really lay out more clearly - for your own sake, if not his.

~~~~~~~

He loves you.

You say you hate yourself.

~~~~~~~

Is it yourself you hate?

The relationship that you're in?

Is this your first long-term friendship and relationship?

(you don't have to answer all of my questions here, or now - I'm throwing out what I'm seeing and questions for you to consider/reflect on)

Wow you have read me like a book...

I think you have pretty much nailed it...

We are both two males with two egos. So everything is kind of skewed.

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Rex, Lash--

Thanks for the kind words, but talk is easy. Introspection is much more difficult.

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I don't hate the relationship.

I don't hate him.

I hate that I made a mistake and it bothers me beyond what I am capable of dealing with really.

So everything has sort of become warped and I am not seeing things as clearly I am accustomed to seeing.

It is like the drownding feeling and fear.

I guess I am incapable of feeling shame...

I will always change it into something else.

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Only two emotions, Rex. Love and fear.

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Letty wrote:

Only two emotions, Rex. Love and fear.

Lately they have become indistinguishable.

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Enough of me this is just feeding my ego and it is full enough I think.

Though I have been in need to understanding these matters. I just wanted everyone to know what was going on with me. I think I have come back to reality from some place I don't want to every return to.

Thank you all for helping me through this in a respectful and considerate manner. This has been much more than I would have given you credit for. So it just goes to show that I need to raise my standards on the faith I place people in general. Thus the faith I place in myself...

I can just hope that this may someday provide some insight for another A2Ker who needs to figure out their own paradox.

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RexRed wrote:

Enough of me this is just feeding my ego and it is full enough I think.

Though I have been in need to understanding these matters. I just wanted everyone to know what was going on with me. I think I have come back to reality from some place I don't want to every return to.

Thank you all for helping me through this in a respectful and considerate manner. This has been much more than I would have given you credit for. So it just goes to show that I need to raise my standards on the faith I place people in general. Thus the faith I place in myself...

I can just hope that this may someday provide some insight for another A2Ker who needs to figure out their own paradox.

I'm thinking Mr Red that the single most hatefull post speicifically directed at myself was from you and was caused by my saying that I thought John Denver was an arrogant and pompous ass. You do have quite an ego with your temper. If you would like I can find and post it here to joggle your memory.

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We remember it, dys. "When you are on top there is no place to go but down." That was resolved, cowboy.

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dyslexia wrote:

RexRed wrote:
Enough of me this is just feeding my ego and it is full enough I think.

Though I have been in need to understanding these matters. I just wanted everyone to know what was going on with me. I think I have come back to reality from some place I don't want to every return to.

Thank you all for helping me through this in a respectful and considerate manner. This has been much more than I would have given you credit for. So it just goes to show that I need to raise my standards on the faith I place people in general. Thus the faith I place in myself...

I can just hope that this may someday provide some insight for another A2Ker who needs to figure out their own paradox.

I'm thinking Mr Red that the single most hatefull post speicifically directed at myself was from you and was caused by my saying that I thought John Denver was an arrogant and pompous ass. You do have quite an ego with your temper. If you would like I can find and post it here to joggle your memory.

No one here will argue with me that you toss your own insults whenever it suits you.

I am not in the mood to go tit for tat with you today Dys.

Everything is flowers and rainbows...

Think happy thoughts...

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MR Red you again demonstrate that credibility is not your strong suit.

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Dys sometime when people are rude to me and I over look it and overlook it then when I cannot take it any longer I write something back to make up for all of the bad comments.

This is when I find that people go boo hoo...

I can take it my friend so dish it out. I have had to take it all my life. I am conditioned to it. But then can you take it?

From that one post that you site of mine directed toward you I can give twenty small digs that you have leveled at me long before my post on John Denver.

I just used that opportunity to tell you as I had done before to not be so insulting. Is that too hard to understand?

If you go around insulting people every where you go someday someone is going to come back and insult you.

Again, I can take the insult but can you?

I just think that if you set the tone with insult then you will not be immune to it yourself.

Now was this a mean spirited post or did I just say it the way it is?

The truth sometime hurts... I can face the truth can you?

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Isn't Dys just a loving, caring, ever-so-thoughtful punching bag?

Instant anger may be a Way of Life, but it is not the way of a Life in Balance.

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Whatever.

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dyslexia wrote:

Whatever.

I like ya Dys so that should tell ya something.

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My boyfriend looks like John Denver what did you expect? Laughing

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Noddy24 wrote:

Isn't Dys just a loving, caring, ever-so-thoughtful punching bag?

Instant anger may be a Way of Life, but it is not the way of a Life in Balance.

Life is not always an internal thing but anger can be a result of external stress.

Anger can be justified. Just as love can be unjustified.

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Gay or straight, it doesnt matter. The "cheater" takes a much longer time to heal and get on, whereas the "cheatee" gets well rather quickly.
My first wife left me for another guy. I was off the feed for a few months and recovered rather quickly. My ex, wound up carrying the guily around so much that it affected her then marriage to te guy she left me for. He and I see each other once everyt couple years when I go back to La belle pointe Hes all married and happy like me and he sas that our mutual ex is a real head job from all her "special needs". Your dealing with the added guikt of the affair as well as an STD.(Im sure the STD just adds to the whole irony of it all).

We can recognize your manic days. However, saying that, why the hell are you sharing this with strangers? do you guys communicate well? apparently not.

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farmerman wrote:

Gay or straight, it doesnt matter. The "cheater" takes a much longer time to heal and get on, whereas the "cheatee" gets well rather quickly.
My first wife left me for another guy. I was off the feed for a few months and recovered rather quickly. My ex, wound up carrying the guily around so much that it affected her then marriage to te guy she left me for. He and I see each other once everyt couple years when I go back to La belle pointe Hes all married and happy like me and he sas that our mutual ex is a real head job from all her "special needs". Your dealing with the added guikt of the affair as well as an STD.(Im sure the STD just adds to the whole irony of it all).

We can recognize your manic days. However, saying that, why the hell are you sharing this with strangers? do you guys communicate well? apparently not.

I am what I am...

You just shared your life about your wife with strangers...

I thank you for sharing that too.

I learned something from it FM.

I am not afraid to put my life and motives up to scrutiny.

We don't really learn from our mistakes because we can keep making them and making them.

We learn when we do it right.

We do not refuse to communicate because it is not easy or difficult. Communication alone is not the complete solution it is more a change of life and habit.

Gay people have no type of system in culture to bond and commit. They have no clear way of feeling they are established and connected.

So it is a life without boundaries or a bridge with out rails.

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