Do you think there is pure friendship between men and women?

When neither party is sexually attracted to the other, yes.

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I dunno, Blue. It just seems inevitable that men and women don't talk to each other as women do with women, and men with men. There may be zero sexual attraction or intention, but there's always some difference that keeps it from being a neutral relationship.

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really?

I guess I see your point, Roger, but I also see people vaunting past all that into non-sexweighted conversations much of the time.

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Okay, non-sexweighted. That's what I meant by the lack of attraction or intention, but still, we don't quite manage to relate to one another like a couple of guys - or girls, for that matter.

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Yes. I've got a couple of very good female friends.

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roger wrote:

...but still, we don't quite manage to relate to one another like a couple of guys - or girls, for that matter.

You say that like it's a bad thing... :wink:

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Not a bit of it! But it does color a relationship, doesn't it?

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I don't at this point think talking with a man I am attracted to or a man I don't give a **** about affects my sentences on certain subjects. Well, some.

Maybe I am speaking from the tired end of the cusp. I'd like to cut through all the webs and just talk, and am lucky enough that that sometimes happens. Well, it happens if I can quiet my natural volubility and listen up.

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On pure friendship (what is that, may I ask) between men and women, I have several friends, not lovers and not to be lovers, who are men. Some of those are gay, but not all. How pure any of it is, lemme guess, pretty pure. We are not all 24. On the other hand, we are all still alive.

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Xavia, I'll throw the question back to you. Do you think there is pure friendship between any people?

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On the more serious side of this conversation, yes, I do believe there is pure friendship between men and women. It is sometimes shown in small ways and sometimes in large ways, just as ordinary old strong friendship.

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Pure? I don't think there is such a thing as pure friendship PERIOD. Laughing

I think men and women can be good friends. It will always be different: each has a different gender in which to relate to the world. When you are young (i suppose moreso than as you gain experience and age): sex can play a huge role in things, as can expectations of what gender entails. A lot of it depends on the individuals. If your hormones are ablaze it can affect things - in lots of ways. Can add flavor!

It is two humans relating to each other. The man-woman relationship will always be special, and can make for some fantastic friendships.

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Nodding to flush'd, you said it all better.

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The old chestnut from "When Harry Met Sally":

Quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

I have several good female friends. I can't say that the idea of some kind of man-woman sexually-driven potential has not gone through my head, or hers, in each case...but we're not all so driven by our hormones that we can't get on with people of the other sex who we like because they...

a) have similar views and means of discussion
b) share specific interests
c) know the same people in common (e.g. from school/university)
d) etc. (I'm never going to get to a comprehensive list!)

These differ from the usual "couple" interest - in each other!

It is my perception that the US "dating" scene is quite different from what happens in Europe and that a process of sexualising meeting for a coffee in the context of dating (rather than just "coffee") means that the idea of friendship rather than dating recedes into the question of "am I adequately into this person to date them?".

For me, my male friends offer companionship and a high level of understanding of the things which motivate us in life.

However, female friends provide a different perspective and can be far more open when discussing relationships (i.e. my interactions with other women or vice versa). The empathy offered by women is appealing to both men and women in discussion/friendship, in fact studies have shown that both men and women prefer talking to women.

My own conclusion...the jury is still out...but I'd like to think I can maintain my friendships with women without sex getting in the way to the extent that it causes problems!

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I think the idea of a "pure relationship and friendship" between a man and a woman can happen...

...just as the idea of a "pure relationship and friendship" between an alpha male in a lion pride and a lioness...

...or an alpha male and a female in a chimpanzee group...

...or an alpha male sea lion and a cow...

...or a...well, you get the idea...

....but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting to find one.

I may be a touch jaded...

...but I don't think it EVER happens.

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Hackles rising...

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I like to talk with men because I didn't have much male influence growing up; consequently, I find that I am more curious along those lines. I'm not certain if it has to do with friendship or not. I thought, at one time, that men made better friends than women. Now I am not so certain that it is true.

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What in hell does "pure" mean? Can you define your terms?

I have lots of male friends...with some of them, at times, there has been sexual attraction as well.

So?

All manner of things affect all friendships at all times, including sexual and a host of other feelings.

I share slightly different things and ways of being with all of my friends.

My very close male friends are people I consider people first, and males second...just as I am not close to many women who might be considered girly.

I think different ways of talking would be more to do with individuality than gender....unless I am actively sexually attracted and wanting to do something about it..I guess we all act a bit weird around those people, don't we?

One difference might be that I discuss personal issues slightly less with men...largely because some of them have that tendency to leap into making suggestions when I am not wanting that at that point. Some men I know would prefer to discuss personal stuff with me rather than male friends...so it goes. Does this make these friendships less "pure"?

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Frank, sometimes you're a hip happenin' guy and sometimes you really show your age... ;-)

I've had lots of very good, very close, non-sexual relationships with men.

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Do you think there is pure friendship between men and women?

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