T -62

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In just about 62 hours I will have a total stranger walk into my house and make a decision that will effect the rest of my life.

I am completely freaking out.

I know, I know....

I've "got nothing to worry about"

and....

"They'd have to be crazy to ....."

and....

"Just relax"

I think this must be what a prisoner feels like when they watch the jury file in.

I can't really let my angst out around the house and only my friend "Toni" seems to understand the wreck I am, and why.

And she is pretty close to the perfect parent.

I just needed to blurt.

So there it is. My blurt.

Now I'll discover if it helps.

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Hope so!

I think a whole passel of us understand why you're a wreck -- there is having a reason to be worried and there is being a mom, and you're the latter. Even if there is no logical basis for you to be worried, of COURSE you're worried, this is huge.

But you have nothing to worry about.

But of course you're worried.

Anyway, huge hugs.

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Yeah.....I'd be freaking too, though I agree it is not rational to do so.

Go for a run? Clean until you're dizzy? Dance??

I guess a lot of alcohol right now would be a silly thing....

Sex?

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Boomer, if you weren't in a state about the coming decision, I'd really think you might not be such a good choice.

Please!! Blurt, vent, hyperventilate, anything it takes to help calm you down. I can't imagine being in your position. Blurt wouldn't even come close to describing the state I'd be in.

I'll be sending out thoughts of what a good parent you are. After all this time, there can only be one intelligent decision.

Mo is a very lucky little guy.

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You need to have a good laugh, boomerang.

Not a chuckle. Not a snicker. Not a snort. I'm talking about a fall-down-on-the-floor-tears-in-the-eyes-lose-bladder-control-belly-laugh. Nothing dispels anxiety as well as laughing.

C'mon everybody. Let's make boomer laugh! Post your best jokes, most hilarious pictures and funniest stories here.

Let's see...Joe Nation once sent me a real gut-buster when I was a ball of nerves. Lemme look through my files. Back in a sec...

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I have been there boomer, so I know exactly how ambivalent your feelings are. You have nothing to worry about though, just relax.

I used to rearrange and clean up the closets a lot to calm myself down.
It always worked!

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Great idea, Eva! (rushes to find jokes)

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Clean!

In the portrait photography business "two day hair" is a common expression. You don't want people coming in with fresh washed hair - you want two day hair.

I've decided to go for two day house. I have spent the last week cleaning this place to within an inch of it's life. Mo has been so mad that today he decided to "move out".

I watched him stomp down the street towards Toni's, called her and alerted her to the situation, and counted on her to do good. She did. Mo came home 30 minutes later happy to be here.

I took the rest of the day off and we went swimming.

Tomorrow we'll do a little finalizing on the appearance of our life and Sunday, we're not doing anything other than fun.

We'll have two day house.

To complicate things everyone here has been sick over the last week with nasty colds/virus/allergies/something. All of us are exhausted. Mo's fingernail is falling off and my doctors office gave me the runaround. I haven't responded to a lick of mail and I most definately owe not only Noddy but my brother who just landed in Korea for a year.

I keep trying to look at my life as an outsider might and.... and.... and... wondering how I measure up. I've never really worried about that kind of stuff before.

On one of the adoption forms they asked "what expectations do you have and what opportunities can you provide for this child" and I wrote that I expect to offer him the opportunity to be a little kid.

Somehow I feel that my response was incorrect.

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No that's PERFECT!

Great idea, Eva. Um um um... where's Gus when you need him...?!

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Eva, great idea.

Here ya go Boomer...

Subject: church bulletins
(Church bulletins were one of the best things about going to church when I was a kid.)
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference will include meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:
"Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

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This one is more cute than funny Wink

A Polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."

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Real dog food advertisements from New Zealand:

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/adverts/ATT00842.jpg

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/adverts/ATT00843.jpg

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/adverts/ATT00844.jpg

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/adverts/ATT00845.jpg

http://www.jokefile.co.uk/adverts/ATT00846.jpg

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Boomer--

Would you feel better if you called your Butterflies "Opening Night Nerves"?

Try to remember that the production isn't Russian Roulette--it's called Happy Families.

You have the mother wit to know that your tiger cub could be endangered by the visiting stranger--and your nerves are exactly the right instinctive response.

Hold your dominion.

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The real panic won't begin until he falls out of the tree and gets a huge bruise on the side of his face....

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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little
lisp between two missing teeth, "Excuth me, mithter, do you keep widdle
wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says, in a quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally givths a thit."

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boomerang wrote:

On one of the adoption forms they asked "what expectations do you have and what opportunities can you provide for this child" and I wrote that I expect to offer him the opportunity to be a little kid.

Somehow I feel that my response was incorrect.

Why? I had to (I swear) fill out adoption papers on my senior cat. One of the questions was "Where will the pet sleep?" I said "Anywhere he darn well wants to". Either that was the right answer, or they don't even look at the darn things.

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Found it! (A tip 'o' the hat to Joe Nation...updated slightly)

-------------------

So these three old ladies were crossing the street one day when suddenly they were run down by a cement truck.

When they stood before St. Peter a few moments later, he apologized. It seems the cement truck was a few minutes late and was supposed to run down a few lawyers, but never mind that, what to do now?

St. Peter had an idea. Each of the women could pick any woman on earth and she would live out the remainder of her life as that woman.

So the first old lady said, "I'd like to be Angelina Jolie." So St. Peter snapped his fingers and...poof!...the old lady was gone back to earth to be Angelina Jolie.

The second old lady stepped forward and said, "I'd like to be Hillary Clinton." So St. Peter snapped his fingers and...poof!...the old lady went back to earth to be Hillary Clinton.

Then the third little old lady said, "I'd like to be Sarah Pippalini." So St. Peter snapped his fingers and...poof!...nothing happened.

"That's odd," said St. Peter. And he snapped his fingers again. Poof! Poof! Poof! But still, nothing happened. The little old lady was still standing there in front of St. Peter.

So St. Peter looked through his big book of souls and, sure enough, he couldn't find a Sarah Pippalini. "I'm sorry," St. Peter said, "but we don't have a Sarah Pippalini listed here. Who is she?"

The old lady reached for her handbag and rummaged through it for a minute or two before pulling out an old newspaper clipping. She handed it to St. Peter, who read it very carefully.

"Oh! I see the problem!" he said. "You've misread this. It's the Sahara Pipeline that will be laid by 3,000 men in a month."

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Awwww thank you all. A good laugh really does help.

Now if you could find a way to help me get a good night's sleep....

Intellectually I know that everything will be fine but emotionally I'm waiting for some huge shoe to drop.

I keep having this nightmare that something goes horribly wrong between now and then. Mo is whisked away and it is quickly discovered that his parents have signed consents to terminate their rights. Beautiful, goofy Mo is quickly snapped up by some other hopeful adopters and I never see him again.

I guess that one response has stuck with me as "wrong" after cruising the parent bios at adoption web sites. International travel! The best private schools! Everything their little heart desires! I'm thinking I could have marketed myself in a little fancier package of opportunities.

I know it's going to be okay.

Thank you all for cheering me up.

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How about a good Canada Day joke? It's what my mailbox is full of right now.

Quote:

25 Signs Showing You Might be Canadian

1. You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".

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2. You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette?

I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

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3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

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4. You drink Pop, not Soda.

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5. You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

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6. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars and no Americans.

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7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

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8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

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9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

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10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

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12. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more, are Canadians.

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13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

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14. You know what a touque is.

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15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

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16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee"

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17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but
requires 6 pages for hockey.

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18. You know that the four seasons mean:

almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

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19. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a hot day.

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20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

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21. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan".(Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

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22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from
Hockey Night in Canada'.

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23. You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

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24."Eh?"is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than,"Huh?"

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25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!! .....and then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them... further (heeheehee)

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ptooooooooooey, the pix didn't carry over

must mull

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Beautiful, funny people all.

Letting a child be a child is all one could ask for, Boomer. Roger's 'let the cat sleep where he damn well pleases' is also perfect for a prospective cat parent. Between the two of you, there couldn't be better chances for a happy outcome.

Love the jokes!

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T -62

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