That was an excellent post, nimh. Very thoughtful.
cetnats1234 wrote: But it is me to propose not to talk on the phone since that's not actually helping. (i.e. he will puts himself back to the sorrow mind when he talks to me. I saw that he can still having fun with his friends, but NOT when he is alone with me.) But he tells me that he doesn't want to call it quits and needs more time to get over. He can have all the time he wants, but I want to tell him that there are still so many things to be happy about and so many other women to love and cherish if he decides not to be with me.
Ouch! DON'T console him!! You CAN NOT.
The one who hurts us can not be the one who is our soft place to fall after the hit, and the one to make us feel better.
It doesn't work that way at all. In fact, it often feels like a second slap on the face.
Imagine a good friend of yours stealing from you. You find out, and the 'friend' admits to it. Then, that person tries to tell you it is 'alright. not all friends will steal from you. There are other people out there to be friends with."
Sounds weird, eh?!
That's what this is like - but deeper.
I am further feeling that you do not know what-is-what right now. You're unable to consider things from his perspective right now.
Just leave the man be. He is humiliated: that is why he does not want his friends to know and he is taking time. I get the idea he is sorting out what in the world he is gonna do.
