Yeah well YOUR momma wears combat boots

You are most welcome to raise these issues here, MMS. I know that I am benefitting by reading other scenarios.

I feel sorry for Lolly and her kids.

I think it is great that Lolly has a friend like you and that she looks up to you. You are a good role model for her and it doesn't sound like she has had one -- ever.

Good on you.

I didn't have any good advice so I waited to respond. I'm glad I did because my initial reaction was to ditch the mom as a friend just to avoid her miserable kids.

MMS--

What about switching your interest from dealing with criminals to preventing criminals through Early Childhood Intervention.

Check out your local Head Start program--I'm sure they'd let you get your feet wet with some volunteer work.

Boomerang

I've wondered, sometimes I get pretty harsh with HER.



LOL, honestly, that was my initial reaction to this drama thats unfolded in front of me for the last 2 years or so. At times, I get tired of building her self-esteem, and pointing out things to her in order for her to change things for the better. I can't change them for her, she has to do that for herself. I can only point...(she really needs counseling)

Let me just be honest here. This girl could have it all, anything she wanted. She is educated, (teacher) she has the body of a venus, and just recently inherited a house, along with a large sum of money. And I have pointed that out to her.

But she doesn't know how to be happy. I don't know if she's ever known what happiness is?

But back to Damien...

He's tried to pick-pocket my husband. Of course, my husband just picked him up and wooled him over it...hung him by his feet, and hugged and squeezed him. The child just smiled.

A couple of days later, he was up close and personal with my husband..trying to get his attention, which he did. And my husband wooled him again. My husband says he just needs a father figure to mess with him, and I know he does...but ok, I get errked at my husband playing father to him....he's that way with all three of her kids. But my husband is that way with ALL kids on the ballfield, or any kids that we are around. But I let this errk me. (I'm a bitch, an no..I've never showed it, or said anything about it)

And w/Damien, I've turned our fussin' into play. The other night, I walked up on the bleachers at practice and he took his dirty black feet and stuck them on my nice clean shirt and told me..lol, "I will git yo shurt dirteee." I laughed at him and told him.."You little creep, I'll punch your lights out when you do. You wanna fight?" And put my fist up at him. "Come on punk!" He just giggled. But he comes back often and wants to "hurt" me. I told Lolly that I was honestly scared that he'd punch me in the face "playing". And god help him when he does.

Ok so here's my question? How far do I go with the discipline? I felt that I had gotten out of line with him that night when he was hitting his mom. I was PISSED! He's not my child!

Noddy

That might not be such a bad idea. I'm even swaying towards family counseling...LOL Sometimes it hits me when I write post about things that are or have went on in my own life, that I seemed to get intertwined into other people's drama. My life is pretty simple, unless my husband and I aren't getting along. Other than that, there is no drama, just everyone else's. Sometimes I feel like a magnet.

Well, you might want to not escalate it into violence, even pretend violence. Instead of, "You little creep, I'll punch your lights out when you do. You wanna fight?", you might want to try something more like "You're gonna get into such trouble for that." And feel free to tell Lolly that you're displeased with this behavior. If she doesn't do anything about it, well, unfortunately that's her business, but you can make the "trouble" something like him not getting ice cream or whatever. No, I don't think you should be disciplining, but I also think you have more tools at your disposal so you can convey displeasure, and even in a joking fashion, without bringing even the joke of violence into the picture, if you are that concerned about the kid's tendencies.

PS What the heck is "wooling"?

I like the early childhood intervention idea!

Yeah, I think you'd be well-served to leave violence completely out of the picture with Damien. I tend towards the crunchy side of the parenting spectrum but I know that an occasional spanking works for a lot of families. What Damien has going on is way beyond that, though -- actual abuse in the home, even if it's not directed at him. Violence is a currency he knows too well. I really think that things have to get out of that framework to make an impression on him.

Not that it's your responsibility -- must be so hard to watch and not do something, I completely understand that part.

Can you just get silly with him? He does the foot thing, you say, "Those are the FILTHIEST feet I have ever seen! What were you doing, stomping on stink bugs? I know, there are some evil aliens around here and they just can't STAND dirty feet and you're saving us all, right? Oh, don't be modest..."

Ya know, engage him, get him talking.

But again, not your responsibility. Sigh.

Does your area have a chapter of Big Brothers?

That is a great organization and could be really helpful to Damien.

Umm...its kinda a loveable way to rough-house. All the while your patting, hugging and roughin' him up.




Soz..your right, I hadn't looked at it that way.



I knoooooooow...so hard!



Yea..I do get silly with him. After the first intitial statement over punching his lights out...I turned around and told him he'd looked like he'd been stomping in cow poop...that it was going to take his mom using a brillo pad on him to get him cleaned up.





I wish! But we don't. I soppose our Baseball village is having to suffice in this situation.

I'll just take it one baseball game/pratice at a time...and remember what example that you all give me to guide me with.

He's really cute too...lol BUT MEAN!