Yeah well YOUR momma wears combat boots

Plus discuss, brainstorm, and console.

Definitely. Not just turn your back or anything.

The kid is constantly surprising me with her abilities. Seems like I spend a lot of time ready to intervene if necessary but not doing so, and she gets through it on her own 9 times out of 10. Her confidence and assertiveness come up a lot when other people talk about her.

My bias is that I've seen a lot of the dynamic between one of her friends and her mom -- this mom is definitely a non-****-taking mom, stepping in all the time and making sure nobody does THAT to her little daughter. She's tough, but overdoes it -- the actions that set it off are, to me, laughably minor. Her kid doesn't have the tools to handle anything on her own -- her default mode is to get an adult to intervene, whenever anything starts to go south.

So that's what I think needs to be avoided, though I'm all for the mama lioness business if things are just beyond the pale. And, I think this is important too, modeling assertiveness in everyday life.

{nods head}

Freeduck, I agree....it is tough to know when to be that mom and when not to be. But when it involves inflicting bodily harm on one child or the other, or lets say...riding the four wheeler in a manner where someone could get seriously injured, I step in. Drop kicking my son in the chest...I step in.

Not only do I stop their actions, but I explain their actions and what consquences they may suffer if they don't.

Just like the four wheeler incident. Some would say I was wrong, but why not tell them that accidents could happen and someone could get hurt extremely bad, or even die from riding like that. They have to understand for every action there is a reaction and a consquence. That death could follow. I don't get all morbid...it simply stated. And kids die from four wheeler accidents everyday...but I still let my ride. (I have a friend that thinks I'm crazy, won't allow hers to have one.)

But its paid off. When X or some other child comes over and the games get rough, or one of them gets mad, the oldest child (11yo) will stop everything and take matters into his own hands. He says, "We don't play that way." Sends my youngest in the house and X home.

I've gotten tickled over their diplomatic ways of handling situations. But they handle them properly. Yea..I've let them fight it out, I've watched while X and the youngest (7yo) go a round or two, then when one of them get the upperhand, I break it up. I don't take sides either...I chew on both of them..send one in the house and the other home.

{nodding at mms, too}

Yep, I think we're all saying versions of the same thing. Bodily harm or death is definitely a step-in-worthy moment (as long as it's serious bodily harm -- I'll stay away if the worst that can happen is a scrape or bruise).

.. from the activity itself -- one kid inflicting a scrape or a bruise on another is something else.

Absolutely. And most definitely if one or more kids are older than mine, and should know better.

My mother actually did wear combat boots. She was in the Army from 1942 to 1945.

Did she put them up your ass when you weren't behaving?

I was raised by my grandmother. To my knowledge, she never had occasion to wear combat boots.

I wore combat boots, for quite a while actually. Couldn't afford docs. Still have combat-boot-ish Fluevogs, but don't have the real things anymore.

Just asked sozlet what she'd do. She said she'd say,

"Girls..." [stern look] "... if you're mean to me I just won't come over."

Which makes me think of another concrete way to handle it -- make sure Mo has lots of socializing opportunities so that these girls are expendable. Sounds cold, but if they're the (or one of the) main social kid-contacts he has, they take on more importance than if they're just one of a large pool of possible friends and if they're not being good friends, tootles.

HA! I'm more of the Justin Ropers Mom....or give me some "mossy oak" camoflauged, waterproof hunting boots. (similiar to combat boot style)

I don't want to lable these girls bullies! They're little girls and like all little kids they are very self centered.

Mo is a bit of a bully himself but we have managed to get it under control. After being rejected by the girl pack he has a tendency to take it out on his regular playmate, "Slim", who is a year younger than Mo. This completely pisses me off. I point out that he doesn't like it when the alpha-girls treat him that way so why in the heck would he treat Slim like that?

I can force misbehaving kids out of the house and I can force Mo not to bully his playmate but I cannot force kids to play with Mo when they don't want to. I don't want to buy him ready friends and I don't want to turn him into someone who always tries to please no matter the consequence.

I have told him that I don't like the way those girls treat him but he likes these girls and he wants to play with them.

I do know all of the kid's parents but confronting them about hurt feelings seems a lot intrusive in a "force your kid to play with my kid" kind of way.

I can do mamma tiger when I need to but in this case I really just need to know how to help Mo learn to deal with it.

Thank you all so much for your advice!

**** flows downhill, don't I know it. I always know what other kids are saying to duckie when I hear it come out of his mouth directed toward the ducklet.

I think you're doing the right thing, boomer. Saying what you're saying and making sure he has lots of other opportunities to play with other friends (like soz said) will help him deal. And that's about all you can do in this situation.

Boomerang, I think your doing a fine job. Some things Mo is going to have to learn on his own, and with you defining your position on the treatment those girls dish out...you will see that he will take that approach at some point and put them in their place and stop allowing that.



I agree with Freeduck, your doing the right thing.

(Heh. Me too, in high school.)

I tell my daughter the truth when some one is mean. I explain sometimes people just do things that are mean. Maybe they are having a tough day or just feel upset about something. You cannot control what some one else does, but you can control what you do.

Then I tell her some options (of course it sort of depends on the situation). You can tell the other person what they say is mean and hurts your feelings. You can walk away and play with some one else/do something else.

Once when a girl was mean to my older daughter (7) at a playground my younger daughter (3) came and told me. I told her about not being able to control some one else and said maybe she isn't some one you would want to play with then. My 3 year old went over to the older girl and told her she was being mean and said she should apologize to her sister. Surprisingly the girl did. Sometimes young kids don't even realize what they are doing.

Littlek--

As for expressing your dislike of Floozie (which isn't her name, but it is close to her name) the PC version would have been to disapprove of Floozie's behavior rather than of Floozie.

Your niece probably wants Floozie to change and be socially acceptable rather than to get rid of Floozie.

I'd get your sister out of the middle and talk to your niece directly about your opinions.

**************************

One of the important lessons of childhood is that sometimes people are Not Nice and that Not Nice behavior has to be dealt with.

Kids aren't "just playing"--they're building umbrellas and assembling survival kits.

Heh.

Just had to share this.

I have mentioned Beauty on other threads - she is the lovely and quirky 13 year old girl who lives across the street. I was grousing about the shehooligans with Beauty's mom the other day and....

Today my other neighbor's grandkids were visiting so Mo and A and A and Slim were all having a little street party chalking in the road. The shehooligans arrive and join in the festivities. Just then, Beauty comes sashaying down the road, up to Mo and hands him an invitation to her birthday party! She starts in with "remember how much fun we had last year? This year we're all going swimming!" I thought those little girls were going to pass out.

Man. I love Beauty.