Yeah well YOUR momma wears combat boots

Oy (just commiserating, way out of my league too)

Aww, poor sweet Mo. I usually just help them deal with being left out or rejected. I say, it's no big deal, they'll want to play again. Until then, you can play with so-and-so or why don't you come help me do such-and-such. If they're mean and he's not standing up for himself, then you can help him find the words to let them know that they hurt his feelings.

Kids can be so cruel. I'm sorry I'm not more helpful, but I'm a social retard too.

What I want to say is "F***'em. Their loss."

But that doesn't seem to work.

And having a sit down with a couple of six year olds to explain how they're hurting Mo's feelings doesn't really seem to make sense.

Man. It just breaks my heart to see him so sad but I try to be realistic --

"You can't MAKE other kids play with you"

"Sometimes those girls just want to play with each other"

"Next time they come over here I'm going to kick their asses"

<just kidding about that last one>

They LIVE just a few houses down so it isn't like we can just avoid them.

SIX! They're SIX!

See my "Girls Gone Wild" thread.

Six-year-olds -- especially six-year-old girls -- are apparently heavily predisposed towards evilness. Who knew?

This one too:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=36307

(I am so so so hoping that sozlet manages to avoid the dark side.) (I'm ashamed to say we actually call it that, to the point where she says matter-of-factly, "Hey, good news, Pearl seems to be outgrowing the dark side...")

By the way I think you can go ahead and say what you think, if maybe politic it up a bit. Like, not, "F***'em. Their loss," as tempting as it may be, but, "They did what? Well that was pretty shabby of them. How are you doing?"

That's seemed to help in our various run-ins with Satanic Sixes, is just plain commisserating and reinforcing for sozlet that no, their behavior is not OK, and if she doesn't want to put up with it, she doesn't have to. But that if she does -- knowing that they're capable of shabbiness -- that's OK, too.

Do you have a relationship with their mom(s), at all? If not, I think that would be a good step to take. Not like marching up with "Your kid's evil!", but just establishing a relationship, and then saying, "by the way..."

With all but one of the Satanic crew, talking to the parents really helped. (The other one I just didn't talk to, I probably could but I was still trying to get a feel for the situation.)

Yeah, that's about how I respond too and that's all I can recommend. These things tend to work themselves out, I think. But yeah, I nod to soz's thread. Tons of good info there.

Thanks soz! I'll be sure to read those threads as soon as I get a chance.

I actually started to make this a mean girls thread but I didn't know if it was limited to girls! It will be very enlightening to view this through your perspective, I'm sure.

ouch. The last weekend class I had focused on gender differences in childhood development. Girls can be BITCHY! Some of the things peope were talking about.... geez.

One key diff was that while boys can be physical bullies, girls are emotionally viscious.

I dunno how to help you, though. Just stand by him.

This is where the six-specific stuff starts (really an eye-opener for me):

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=2019020#2019020

Maybe I'm a social retard too...I just seemed to always turn it around on the satanic kids in question....

"They did WHAT? Oh well, YOU don't have to PLAY with THOSE kids!..Besides were going to so and so's...we'll have more fun over there!"

"The next time that he does THAT, you come in the house and leave HIM sitting there by HIMSELF, he'll learn that we don't play that way!"

and my favorite one..which usually cracks them up is..

"YA...........you jus' come and git' yo' momma, I'll kick their asses for ya...and we don't have to worry about those brats anymore!!!"

Yea....I've said it....lol, thats when they want to take care of matters by themselves, instead of me stepping in. They look all worried at first, then crack up....pat me, and tell me..."Mom, we'll take care of it."

And one more that seems to work is this...

"You tell X over there, that we don't play like that in my yard. If he has a problem with it, he can go home and not come back."

X usually leaves till he's in a different frame of mind, than comes back and acts like an angel. I'm not having a kid or kids mistreat mine...atleast not in my yard, while I'm there.

I have a similar problem with my niece and a friend of hers. They are 6 and in the same class. Foofie doesn't behave age-appropriately, in my opinion. From what I gather from my niece, froofie has a boyfriend who she broke up with because he was getting meaner ("but, I have to go give him one more kiss"), she has a froofie club ("meet me at the bridge and bring money"), and she sings skipping songs like "so-n-so gonna have a baby, her boyfriend's going crazy....". I tell my niecethat I don't like froofie's behavior. I tell her the song is inappropriate and then my niece changes the word from boyfriend to husband. I explain that this isn't the issue.

After listening to froofie's antics (via my niece) I finally told my niece that I don't really like froofie. Later my sister told me that my saying that made my niece upset. Sis said she didn't like froofie much either, but didn't tell her daughter/my niece that.

Why can't we tell kids that we don't like so-n-so, or we don't like a style of play if we have good reason? Aren't adults here to guide them in their social and moral development? I relaize that when she's older, she needs the flexibility to make her own decisions and live with consequences, but at age 6? Really?

<ROTFLMAO> You are a real piece of work, mms!

Actually, I've taken the same "Momma Tiger" tack myself on occasion. I've confronted the other children directly and let them know their behavior was unacceptable. In more than one case, I've said, "I wonder what your mother would say if she heard you talk like that? Maybe I should tell her..." (They get real quiet.) Then I've turned to my son and said, "You don't have to put up with that, C. I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to play with them any more. Let's go get some ice cream." Then I've taken his hand, and we've left. The other kids got the idea real fast that they'd better not pull that crap when I'm around.

Oh sure, he wasn't always happy that I made his "friends" go away, but I made sure he knew it was because THEY had done something wrong, not him. I would remind him of other friends of his who didn't act that way, but were good to him. He got it. By the time he was 8 or so, he was able to say pretty much the same thing for himself. Sometimes he'd come home and say, "I've had enough of (whatsisname). He's not a real friend."

One of the most difficult lessons we all face is learning that REAL friends don't mistreat us. How great would it be if we could all learn that by the age of 8.

I just hope the lesson sticks.

Ha...I'll take that as a compliment.

The honest truth is, I will not allow my children to mistreat another child, and I'm not going to stand by and allow one to mistreat mine. I don't care what the parents say...or how they feel about it, tuff pooey!

It comes with having to deal with the juvenile delinquent next door. He's 8. And Lord help, he has a hard row to hoe...I know that, and try to be compassionate on him. And I am....but when he crosses the line, he goes home. (I have even punished my children over their behavior towards him)

Not long ago, we had my two riding on their four-wheeler, and along comes one of the neighbors grandson, along with the juvenile delinquent; both on four-wheelers.

They rode the trails out back through the woods, around my drive, around my house/grandfathers house and were getting along great. Until they decided to be boys and race. Thats when all hell broke loose, they were all going in opposite directions, meeting head on...and the two visitors were going full throttle.

I immediately whistled them to a halt, waved them all to me. Once they were all within arm distance, I told them that we didn't ride that way in my yard, that I didn't care what they did off my land, but where my children and they were concerned...we'd ride by my rules. If they didn't like...GO HOME! We all ride in one directions, my children do not get out of second gear,..Period.

They followed the rules...and no one got hurt.
And they haven't been back to ride since...lol OH WELL!



I know....been there. The youngest one was mad at me over the juvenile delinquent. They were jumping on the trampoline, the juvenile jumped up and drop kicked the son..almost knocking him off the trampoline.

I immediately come out the door, X looked pretty funny at me...I asked what he done that was wrong. Shrug of the shoulders. Well, X...go home and figure it out. When you think you can play right...then you can come back.

D..of course was upset that I made him go home..."we were just playing"........Yea...we don't play that way in my yard!

Ah, I wish I'd had a mom more like makemeshiver... (I was none too happy age 7-11..)

F*ck diplomacy and subtly strategically trying to figure things out, sometimes a kid just needs a mom who'll have no **** and everybody knows. I'm serious.

I'm listening, here. We're a ways away from the satanic sixes... (Great name, btw.)

It's tough to know when to be that mom and when to let them deal with it. I want my kids to know I won't let them be bullied or hurt, but I also don't want to encourage a kind of dependence where I take care of all their quarrels for them.

My son is 6 and he mostly gets on well with other kids. We have the usual issues with older boys wanting to use him as a welcome mat, but he's learning how to deal with it.

Hmm, but in a way, I think - I mean, kids also learn their coping skills through socialisation, through following their parents' example. If the mom (or dad) is prone to look for a strategic, subtle and diplomatic solution, the kid will automatically copy some or much of that behaviour too. Which is not necessarily the most effective way to shake off bullies (I can tell you that from primary school..)

On the other hand, if you have a take-no-**** mom or dad, and you see them carting off the bad boys/girls (or the good ones on a bad day) without further ado before they even think to try something, you might yourselves also more easily adopt this "Oh no you dont" attitude.

So - thinking aloud, cause I dont know, I was on the other side unfortunately - I think having a take-no-**** mom might well, instead of making you dependent, make you a take-no-**** kid as well.

I mean, my mom didnt do much beyond commiserate and tell me that, you know, those kids were just (being) stupid, dont mind them. Whereas, I'm thinking now, she should just have put me on a karate class and given any of those kids an earful next time they tried. Doing "oh no you dont" as a way to teach the kid to do "oh no you dont" too, kinda.

As far as I can tell, the best way to create an assertive child is to let them fight their own battles whenever possible; and then be there if the battle is too big. (And to know which is which -- that's the hardest part.)