Yeah well YOUR momma wears combat boots

ROTF~~~ That is too GOOD!

Mo's gotta Rabbi--Ms. Rabbi.

I think you are handling it well and the advice has been good.

When he's upset is probably a good time to point out that this is how his friend feels when bullied by Mo?

Building self esteem and 'it's their loss' - walk away as soon as spitefulness sets in, like Sozlet 'If you are mean, I'm going home'.

I love beauty as well... But with all due respect, imagine naming your child beauty, and finding out at age 13 or 14 she is anything but... She is liable to be mercilessly teased about her name (you said it.. .girls are vicious and fight very, very dirty).

As for your kid, well, I guess you are doing what I would do.

Hurray for Beauty!

Noddy, today my niece initiated a chat about froofie (also not her real name). We talked and I explained that I didn't disliked froofie, didn't want my niece to stop playing with froofie, etc. I further explained that I didn't find her style of play appropriate. She told me that froofie often makes her (and their other friends) feel bad, so I told her what I learned at school (she loves that I am in school) about bullies. --- yeah, I don't like my sister getting in the middle like that.

Sorry for the side-chat, boomer!

Yeah, littlek, sister-in-the-middle wasn't justified, I don't think. (Hey, that'll be another advantage to having a degree, you can pull rank! "Well, the latest studies by so and so indicate that 80% of the time such and such...") I definitely think that adult expression of distaste for distasteful behavior is important, rather than just, "well if you like this kid, I guess she's perfect."

(Naj, I think every single name in this discussion, from sozlet and Mo and through Beauty and Pearl and Froofie and all the rest of them are NOT the kids' real names.)

(Yay Beauty!)

Littlek--

You describe a very sensible conversation.

Honestly, does your sister really want the Mother of Lolita award!

She's a sensible kid when given a chance! My sister read baby books like a fiend while she was pregnant and for 2 years after her daughter was born. Then she seemed to stop. Unfortunate, that.

So what happens if your mamma really does wear combat boots?

yep!

Awww Eva...I don't blame you one bit. I would have lost compassion completely on that! I would have wanted to inflict bodily harm on that JD...hung him by his feet and left him swinging for an hour or two to show him how it felt. GRRRRR....

I lost compassion with X when he threatened to shoot my youngest son with a shot gun. I still don't know what the fuss was all about, but when they come through the door and told me that X told them he was going to do that. I went off! I told them to tell X to come to my house the next afternoon, for I had something to explain to him. That was the last day of school, and haven't seen X since. GREAT!




Yep...me too. But if they are that type parent that thinks their lil angel does no wrong, I could careless if they like what I have to say or not. I try to be diplomatic with who is at fault and why. But some don't see it...screw'm!


Boomerang, not trying to steal your thread..lol But I gotta ask...

Ok, I have a question?

I'm trying to deal with a situation now...and don't know how to handle it.

I have a friend that has three boys...and we are around one another 3 or 4 times a week at the ballfields. Her youngest son, Damien...lol, (suits him) IMO needs some discipline to the likes that he wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. And she just allows him to get away with it.

He sat down next to me one night, eating nachos...and running his fingers through the nachos...licking them, then wiping them off on my shoulder...all the way down to my elbow!

I tried to keep my cool, but the third trip down my arm..I asked him through gritted teeth & growling voice to stop?

He grins at me. (SMACK)

Mom does nothing.

As soon as thats overwith, he decides he's going to hit me. Full throttle in the back of my rib cage.

I reached around and grabbed his hand, growled again and told him.."Little boy, I hit back, now I told you to stop..period!"

Again he grins at me.

This time..Mom finally takes notice, she reaches over and swats him. This lil demon swats her back. And then tells her.."I HATE YOU, I WANT MY BROTHER!" And gets up to run off.

Thats when I butted in. (I shouldn't have...but she's been talking to me about him..and how she can't handle him..) I grabbed Damien by the back of the shorts and put him back on the bench, told him.."HAVE A SEAT LITTLE MAN, YOUR NOT RUNNING OFF!"

He tells me..(get this) "You FAT BITCH, I don't have to listen to YOU.!"

(I'm wanting to slap him smoothe off the bench at this point)

Mom slaps him in the mouth.(gently) He then slaps her back. (I'm loosing my cool at this point) Then when she swats him again, he takes her fingers and tries to break them off, telling her "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU."

I butted in again.

I turned to him and got down on his level and told him.."You will stop this now. I didn't come to the ballgame to put up with you behaving like this! Its not acceptable. Now apologize to me and your mother!"

This kids is so Fuckin' defiant!

He buries his head under his moms arm.

And I'm looking at her like she's crazy! I would have beat my son's asses in public over that kind of behavoir and dared anyone to call DHS.

I sat back down..and went back to watching the ballgame thinking...OMG......SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!

So..when we are back to watching the ballgame, he gets up to run off again. And I'm thinking...no you aren't. I sat him back down. Told him ..."Nope, your not going anywhere. You still owe us and apology."

Thats when the little **** decides he's going to pull my hair! He reaches up and grabs a handfull of my hair in his fist and threatens to pull it!! I reached around and grabbed a handful of his hair and told him.."IF thats how you want to play Damien, you just remember...I'll pull ya baldheaded before this is overwith! You WILL NOT PULL MY HAIR! NOW SIT THERE, KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, AND WATCH THE BALLGAME!!"

Lolly says something to him......He turns and kicks the living dog out of her...and now she's trying to pull him off of her. Thats when I lost my cool and put him bodily back on the bench and dared him to move.

Thats when I growled at her...I told her.."Lolly, you are always talking about the way these boys treat you, this is your chance to make a difference right here. Follow through! DO NOT LET HIM GET THE UPPERHAND in this situation!!! Now whose the boss?"

All I got was a "STOP IT DAMIEN!"

(having to count to ten~ Deep breath)

That was ONE NIGHT...he is constantly doing something to me. He reminds me of one of those kids that would torture a cat to watch it suffer...to let it die a cruel death. And he's 5!!!!

How do you deal with THAT?

Duct tape, I think.

Heavy duty.

That kid is gonna wind up in prison one day unless his mother gets a handle on him pretty quick.

Y'know, this kind of stuff starts when they're toddlers. You gotta win the battles THEN. Get your bluff in, as it were. My son was extremely strong-willed. Fortunately, he came by it honestly. Two of us against him...he didn't stand a chance.

I know some children are so sensitive they will respond to gentle reminders. All you have to do is frown at them or say, "I'm soooo disappointed," and they'll practically be in tears. My child was NOT one of those! He required a firmer hand. (And yes, occasionally that firmer hand was applied to his backside. What can I say...it worked.)

I agree Eva...this mom needs to get her bluff in Big TIME.

I wear combat boots............




what gives?

Eva I agree. I have two children - one is the type if I frown at her she screams mommy's mad at me - typically that is all have to do to straighten her out. The other is the opposite - she is as stubborn as they come. We have issues with her, however, not so severe - yes she will on occasion scream your stupid or something along those lines, but that is about the worst she gets. Perhaps because she does get punished when she gets out of line.

MMS, this jumped out at me from your story:



(OK not so much that sentence but the attitude it represents.)

Does she pay attention to him when he's NOT being a hellion? You obviously do a lot with your boys, pay attention to them when they're being good or neutral, too, not just when they're bad.

A five-year-old will take whatever attention he can get -- good is preferred of course, but bad is better than nothing.

And everything you describe sounds like a kid trying to get attention -- and getting positive reinforcement (in the sense of making it more likely that he'll do it again, not positive = good) for locating the line where being ignored crosses over to getting attention.

MMS--

Personally, I think you handled that situation very well.

Dear Little Damion now knows that not all women are like his downtrodden dishrag of a mommie. (Do you have any reason to suspect spousal abuse in that house?)

Dear Little Damion is five? He'll be starting school in the fall, won't he?
You've made his teacher's life--and his life--a little simpler.

I'd have probably committed grievious bodily harm the second time he used me for a napkin.

No..she doesn't pay attention to them in any manner close to most mom's I've seen. She's too busy being miserable all on her own.

The Father, if we can call him that, is a real jerk! They have been separated for two years. He was abusive, still is when he can get away with it. And I mean ABUSIVE. He had girlfriends that he flaunted in her face, basically sexually/emotionally/physically & verbally has assaulted her on numerous occasions.

I can actually say I hate this lil man.

Damien I know is caught in the middle of a war zone, along with his two brothers. I have even corrected the oldest one whose 10. I corrected his ass at a ballgame one night for screaming at her.

I have even talked to Lolly about her behavior towards the boys. Again..at a ballgame she dismissed the oldest boy with words that weren't nice...she was very ugly. He looked extremely hurt. I reached over and pulled her chair up to mine and whispered in her ear...told her that for his behavoir to change, hers was going to have to. That it was unacceptable for him to talk to her the way I have witnessed, but its just as unacceptable to talk to him the same way. That if she wanted changes made..that it had to start with her...and then she had to follow through with it.

Now you gotta know also, that Lolly has never had a mother figure in her life. She passed when Lolly was 2, dad married again, but it was basically the wicked step-sisters vs.Lolly...w/ a step-mother from hell. Dad never did stand up for her.

~~Smacks self in head....OHH LORD, I'm playing therapist....again.

She's kinda attached herself to me and a friend...there isn't much difference in Lolly's and my age...I'm 6 years older...but she feels protected and that she can be herself without being judged.

( I should've started my own thread for this instead of taking over Boomerangs!)

Yep, I agree. There is reacting to bad behavior when it happens, and there is preventing bad behavior before it starts -- both are important.