i should have listened...but I'm hurting

Re: re


Make that an IMMATURE jerk. This is childlike behavior.

re
it's just weird...it's like how did i turn into a booty call from someone who he claimed to love...i've met his family, friends, i thought i meant more to him than this...I feel stupid...I dont know how this happened...where it went wrong like this.

The "I love you" part is a classic ploy to get a woman into bed. Yes, there are men (and women) who mean it, I'm not so cynical that I think that it's impossible.

But it's what my father always told me - when he was in High School (in the 1940s), he learned the classic way to get a woman in bed. Fortunately he is not a jerk and did not pull this with my mother. It is, ahem,



As you can see, the formula continues to hold true to this day.

This guy told you what he thought you wanted to hear, in order to get you into bed. He feels no obligation to hang around. I'm sorry, I really am, I know it makes you feel foolish. But better to have learned the lesson now and be done with it, than to wait for this immature fool overseas and then, a year from now or whatever, to learn the lesson.

Cut your losses. He will not change, at least not now and, I'm afraid, not because of you. Send him packing, he deserves it.

re
i see your point but he had already gotten me in bed before he said i love you. So he didnt need to say it. He even told me that he had never loved anyone before and just the other day said we would probably be talking still when we are 80.

And those were ploys to keep your interest.

I know I'm being blunt about this, but if not to get a woman in bed, then the ploy is to keep her there.

Playon--



This romance didn't "go wrong"--it was never right. The guy is a jerk

He's lied to you. He keeps on lying to you. You're rather believe the lies than believe you've been taken advantage of by a jerk.

Or...she'd rather believe the lies than be alone.

So many people make the mistake of believing that any relationship, even a bad one, is better than being alone. How wrong is that?!?

Re: i should have listened...but I'm hurting


You will eventually. I know you are hurting. You don't want to believe he doesn't care.

He doesn't love you. Deep in your heart, you already know this. Let it go. Let it out. No one will think less of you. Everybody makes mistakes. Better to correct them when ya see em, then pretend they aren't there.
The longer you hold on to this false hope, this fantasy of the two of you being in love, the more you are going to get hurt. Because he is a jerk.

You're not the first or only one to go through this. This guy doesn't love you - and you are missing out on the chance to actually find a man who does care.

I bet you there are men looking at you, thinking "She is such a great woman. Why is she with that loser? Why can't she see that there are good men for her?"

You deserve more than this. So much more.

You need to cut this boy out of your life forever. Then...take a good solid look at yourself. Is this who you want to be? Is this truly how you want to spend your life?

tc

The possibility exists that he may have actually meant it when he said, "I love you." That is, he may have actually meant it AT THAT MOMENT. Some people have very little emotional depth, and their affections can change with the wind. We call these people..."fickle."

Er... there's another thread on here that pretty much spells out what your future is if you stay with this guy.

Get somebody worthy of you. Dump the assh*le.

Addendum:
It occurred to me I could have said this in a gentler, more positive way...

You are worth more than that... I think you'll be happier if you leave him. Life is too short for these kinds of misunderstandings, etc. Be good to yourself - you deserve it - you deserve only the best.

re
well he still has not called (i havent called him either)and he leaves the country in less than a week. I am still somewhat baffled, but beyond the sad, hurt stage. I have never had someone act like this towards me. I guess i feel angry that he acted this way. I knew with him leaving and us arguing that we would not continue a relationship when he leaves, but i guess i thought he'd want to stay friends, at least keep in contact with me over e-mail/phone occasionally. I dont understand why he doesnt want this at least. I dont see what i did that just makes him not want to have me in his life at all...I dont get why he cant just tell me what he wants even if it's to say, i think it's best for us to not have contact. I dont get how the last time i saw him he'd be telling me how much he loves me, multiple times, being very affectionate, telling me he wants to see me the next day and the day after that...then never seeing him again. WEIRD

As you can still see there's a lot i dont get...my gut feeling is that he will not call before he leaves to say bye (not that i would take the call) but i just know that my phone will never be receiving a call from him again...and that does frustrate me still a bit...i will get over it though.

Why would he want to stay in touch? Were you two good friends before you started dating? How many people have you met that didn't inspire you to maintain a friendship with them? Did they do anything to make you feel that way or was there just no connection? I'm thinking in this case, there's just no connection. He's moving on, so you should too.

playon--

He wants a "girlfriend" but not a relationship.

You want a guy and a relationship.

The two of you want very different things.

He's being shipped off to guts and glory. You will be able to find someone who wants to spend time with you both in and out of bed.

Good luck.

so he called...
i had a strange missed phone number with a voicemail. I checked and it was him...he said, it's me, this is probably kind of weird, but i wanted to apologize for doing it like i did, i cared about you, i still care about you...i dont know what to say, just I'm sorry, alright goodnight.

Drunkdialing again...

re
well he didnt sound drunk...i know that sound

If he wasn't drunk, it sounds like he knows he ended the relationship badly and wants to leave on a good note.

My advice: Let it go.

All i can say is you sound like me. I was in the same situation with a military guy except we were "together" for 4 years. We were seeing other people but had an understanding we would be together when he got back. Well he lead me on (telling me how much he loves me, marriage and all that) and when he got back he played me like a complete fool and now we are finally split. We havent talked for about 3 weeks now and i am HAPPY. Hes been back for almost 8 months now, all up and down. All he caused me was stress and the sad thing is I found out he was doing the same thing to other girls. I was the "main" girl but that doesnt matter. I had phone calls from others eventually and emails. It was crazy..get out while you can. Good luck is all I can say and stay strong. Believe in yourself and you dont need him even though you may want him.

Humm, I read page 1, part of 2 and just skipped the rest, so if I repeat someone, I'm sorry! I'm just going to throw it out there like I see it from post 1.


Playon, you let your heartstrings get pulled to quick, sure..he's probably attractive to you, you want to be with him....and here you are waiting around on him...again.

But the hard part is, telling yourself, and having to admit it that the only time he calls or comes over is if he doesn't have anything better to do, like golf, family, and beer drinking.

Dump him............and find something better to do with your time instead of waiting around on him to get bored.

Truer words were never spoken.