whenlovehurts wrote:But, we've had a pretty good weekend. We went to the beach (Santa Cruz) and the boards walk. I enjoyed it very much.
Even though, on our way home we argued for a bit. It's about our trip to Europe, where we were initially going to stay at his parent's house and yes they would be there at the same time. Well now that I am no longer welcome in his parents house (per his dad), we got to figure something out and find asolution. He said I got to help him and I said how, he said give me ideas. So I gave him a few ideas:
We could stay at our parents house, not have to pay anything (money saver)
We could rent a hotel (maybe a better idea, but we'll spend more money) or
We may want to go somewhere else instead. Vacation somewhere else.
He doesn't like any of the ideas and here are his reasons:
First one, he doesn't want to stay at my parent's house, because people would talk about him staying at his in-laws, and not with his parents. -okay understandable
Renting a hotel - He doesn't like the idea because then his entire family (uncles, aunts, grandma, etc) would turn their back at him for not staying with his parents. I don't understand this one. I am not welcome at his parent's house, and that was their decision, why would they get mad at the two of us then?
And for the third one, he really wants to go there
This is sooo hard!!! I feel that he isn't trying to work with me. When I get really depressed and sad, then he comes and tells me he loves me no matter what. But why not try making our relationship happier then? I can't understand him!
I haven't read much of this topic so forgive me if this has already been covered. But looking at this, I just had to comment (my response is in
blue):
We could stay at our parents house, not have to pay anything (money saver)
Yet this would have a lot of baggage, apparently
We could rent a hotel (maybe a better idea, but we'll spend more money) or
How much more? Look online at Travelocity or Orbitz. It may be cheaper than you think.
We may want to go somewhere else instead. Vacation somewhere else.
He doesn't like any of the ideas and here are his reasons:
First one, he doesn't want to stay at my parent's house, because people would talk about him staying at his in-laws, and not with his parents. -okay understandable
Really? Why the heck is that understandable? The last time we were in NY, my husband and I stayed at his parents' house one night, my parents another night. The time before that, we stayed at his folks' home. Why? Because it was more convenient to where we were going. As for whatever other people say, who cares about them? Since when do they get to decide how you spend your time or money?
Renting a hotel - He doesn't like the idea because then his entire family (uncles, aunts, grandma, etc) would turn their back at him for not staying with his parents. I don't understand this one. I am not welcome at his parent's house, and that was their decision, why would they get mad at the two of us then?
That's just wacky. My brother and his family stay at a hotel every time they visit my folks. Why? Because there's more room, and my folks have their own space and don't have to worry about changing sheets and all of that stuff. Really, this is just between you and your in-laws. They have apparently made it clear that you are not welcome in their home. Okay, then if that is the case, your husband has to put his foot down and tell his parents that if you are not welcome then he is not staying with them, period, end of discussion. Since the two of you are obviously going to stay in the same room, it'll be at a hotel. This should be a no-brainer. If your family whines about it, well, they're just whining.
And for the third one, he really wants to go there
Okay, but right now it's a very difficult situation for you. It puts you in an incredibly awkward position. This is not his fault and it's not your fault, but in the meantime the repercussions will still be felt by you and him. Is the argument very fresh? If so, then you should probably go elsewhere. If this has been going on for a while, and you want to be there, then it might be possible, but I think at best it'll be a tug of war. One thing you might want to do is, schedule a number of activities, perhaps with one of these cousins or aunts you are so concerned about impressing. If you get them away from the situation, and they see you and your husband in a neutral setting (go shopping, have a meal, take a sightseeing tour or whatever), they might not be quite so annoyingly judgmental.
