It's very safe - for anyone - to have a fall-back position.
I recall this well. I went to college in Boston, he moved with his folks to Arizona. I had boyfriends, he had girlfriends, but we always "had" each other, for the occasional long phone call whenever there was nothing else going on. But that wasn't fair to the people we were with at the time, the ones who were really around. It's easy to think of someone as perfect when you never argue with them, don't see them on bad days and don't go through the ruts of relationships with them. We hardly ever contacted each other if we had intense, happy local relationships. We stopped having most contact when I started Law School and he started seeing the woman who became his wife.
I am not saying that you cannot have contact. You can always have contact. Letters, phone calls and texting do not care if you are boyfriend/girlfriend or not. But people should, and do. All I am saying is to not fall into what may be a cover for finding intimacy with someone else. I'm not just saying this about you, but about him as well. Your lives are about to change. A lot. No matter what anyone does, things are just not going to be the same. Perhaps you will find someone else. Maybe he will. Maybe both will. Maybe neither will. And so it goes.
re
yeah, i guess i am one of those people who always has to know what will happen in a relationship. But the fact of the matter is that no one really knows. I had my ex of 4 years tell me, we will get married, i will love you forever, we'll have kids, grow old togehter, etc. None of that happened, we broke up 3 years ago and have moved on.
I have just never been in a situation like this. In the past when i've broken up with people it's been because things were awful, there was just nothing there anymore, etc. With this situation, it's not like that...it just has to end since he'll be so far away. I am worried about what will happen for the rest of the time that he's home...im worried that i'm going to want to see him...but that he will hold himself back from seeing me...but theres nothing i can do about that.
Playon--
You are a high maintainance woman who needs a full time man. Soldier Boy is not for you.
"Don't ask, don't tell" is a recipe for disaster. This is like saying, "We're going to sneak around on each other and it won't count unless one of us falls in love with someone else."
Be honest.
re
so i felt kind of crappy yesterday thinking about things. It's just CRAPPY the way things went for his visit home...part of it is my fault i realize, but he really went to extremes by not calling me back for a week. So i finished work yesterday, felt upset, went to the library, went out to eat at one of my favorite cafes alone and felt a little better...then i saw that he called...I called back. this was at about 8pm...well i waited and waited for him to call back...but he didnt until 11:30 and i was asleep. His message was just like, what's up beautiful, sorry i didnt call you earlier, i'm out with my family, give me call tomorrow, we'll go out and have dinner. I havent called back yet...still at work. I feel like I will be disappointed by him again...He is soo not a planner. For all i know i could call back and he either wont answer or will have other plans...
I dont know why this is getting to me so much. Even if he said, yes i want this to work and to be with you and only you...he is still going to another country for a year...but still it was nice knowing at one point not long ago that he did want things to work....
We're all almost at our two-year anniversary
on texting and relationships.
