New Babies...What's All the Fuss About?

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Ok, so babies are great and cute and wonderful and ah, they smell all new whatnot. And yes, it's a blessing to have a healthy baby with no deformities or genetic defects. But what's with the congratulations we give to people? I'm serious. I just had to sit through some pictures and coos and ahs and happy face moments with this woman and her new grandbaby. He was cute. He has all his fingers and toes. He looks perfect. But I didn't feel compelled to say congratulations to her. I did, because it's what we do but why do we do it?

Why do we congratulate people on this like it's an accomplishment? You don't work for it. You can either have kids or you can't. And most people who have kids with birth defects didn't do anything to make it happen. It just did. I guess fertility drug patients deserve some congrats because they actually did work on it but still. This is a function of nature. Congratulations on having sex.

Why do we congratulate the father at all? What did he do anyway? All he did was have a few moments of bliss and POOF! suddenly he's a big hero. Congratulations to dad when he plays and active roll in raising the child.

And grandparents? They didn't do anything. They should get their congrats after a few years of babysitting and spoiling the kids. "Congrats on making the life of this child better."

I guess I sound bitter about the whole thing but it struck me as being kinds of stupid congratulating this woman on her grandbaby. A cute baby is something to be proud of but it isn't like you had any control over what he/she looks like. The most beautiful people in the world can have the ugliest baby. It's all a crap shoot. It just seems weird to congratulate. Maybe it's the word I don't like....

We could say "Congratulations on not taking drugs and drinking and smoking like a chimney while pregnant." when people have a healthy baby.

Or if nothing else, it should be "Congratulations on making it though that vagina-wrecking pain".

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shewolfnm: congratulations on stretching your vagina out to plop out such an ugly kid. Would you be opposed to trying again?

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I view every baby as a bridge between the past and the future and an embodiment of hope. I admire not only the baby, but the possibly glorious potential of that baby.

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My feelings exactly, Bella....

I also don't know why we congratulate the wife/husband when they tell us that the wife is pregnant!! I find it weird.

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Is it really any skin off your nose? If so, don't bother with it. Be true to yourself.

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The culturally-acceptable response is to admire the baby. Congratulations are not required.

Possible responses:

"How wonderful!"
"What a blessing!"
"You must be so happy!"
"What a little miracle!"
"How big is he/she?"
"How long was the labor?"

Show some interest and move on. Then let us breeders reminisce with each other....

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(May I just interject that I'm baffled that I, the socially inept and misanthropic computer nerd, am here educating you people? Wouldn't you be excited if they got a new car?)

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I just don't see the point in a congratuations.

All those things that you said DD, I can understand.

But the whole congrautulations thing, I don't get.

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Long ago, I was walking along with a new boyfriend and complaining about a stubbed toe. He said, "I'm sorry." I gawped at him -- huh? Why was he apologizing? He hadn't caused my stubbed toe in any way. He explained (honestly, this was new to me at the time) that he was just expressing general sympathy for the fact that I was in pain.

I see the congratulations thing as similar. A way to say, "Hey, I can tell you're really happy!" I don't think it necessarily has any more to do with achievement than "I'm sorry" has to do with apologizing (in the taking-responsibility sense). As in, they both can mean that, they both can also be more general acknowledgement. ("Hey, you're happy!" "Hey, you're unhapy.")

I agree with eoe though that there's no need to say anything you're not feeling.

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I can accept that soz.

I guess I just see congrats as an achievement word. A lot of people act like it is....like they are the first to ever have a baby.

Maybe I am just being bitchy this week....

Hm....

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Everyone who has a baby is the first person to have a baby.

Then the second baby comes, and you're the first person ever to have a baby again.

I had no clue; now I'm part of the parents' club that shares THE LOOK with other parents when a non-member looks at a baby picture, nods, and continues the conversation like nothing happened.

Just wait... you'll find out someday.

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con·grat·u·la·tion (kən-grăch'ə-lā'shən, -grăj'-, kəng-) pronunciation n. 1. [b]The act of expressing joy or acknowledgment[/b], as for the achievement [b]or good fortune of another[/b].

I mean, if someone won the lottery would you say "congratulations"? They didn't do anything in particular to earn that, either.

I know what you mean more generally about new parents being insufferable, though. Heck, I was (am?) one of 'em. :-P

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Our first is over two-and-a-half and I'm still insufferable.

Hell, I'm 36 and my mom is still insufferable.

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sozobe wrote:

(am?)

We all are... we're just more subtle about it....

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I know, I know.

I don't think I flash quite as many pictures at strangers anymore... hmm...

The whole "sozlet stories" thing started with "Updates" to my family -- sozlet was 2 weeks late so I sent some email updates to everyone explaining what was happening (or not), and then when she was born another update, and then when things had calmed down another, and ended up sending one or two a month until she was a year old. These were not short, either. It's amazing to re-read and see what I thought was noteworthy at the time... Shocked

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Personally, i never have babies.

My figure would be shot . . .

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I think that the honest approach may be best. Something like.....

"Oh, you poor sod! Don't worry TOO much, as hopefully, he won't look like Winston Churchill by the time he's six months old. Mind you, by the time he stops being ugly, you will have had so much sleep deprivation that you won't really give a sh**. "

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DrewDad wrote:

Everyone who has a baby is the first person to have a baby.

Then the second baby comes, and you're the first person ever to have a baby again.

I had no clue; now I'm part of the parents' club that shares THE LOOK with other parents when a non-member looks at a baby picture, nods, and continues the conversation like nothing happened.

Just wait... you'll find out someday.

Yup, I used to nod, say something I didn't really feel, and leave the room as quickly as possible. Then I joined the ranks and was shocked to discover myself oowing and aawing with the best of them. Wouldn't have predicted it from me in a million years.

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DrewDad wrote:

Everyone who has a baby is the first person to have a baby.

Ain't THAT the truth.

oh god here she comes again to tell me something i really couldn't care less about.

Actually, I am really good at looking at someone's baby and saying "oh, what a wonderful child"

problem is, that gets some people off and running....

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J_B wrote:

[Then I joined the ranks and was shocked to discover myself oowing and aawing with the best of them. Wouldn't have predicted it from me in a million years.

ahhh....another "you'll feel different after you've...."

gee thanks, I had almost forgotten for a minute that I would be a lousy mother and probably end up in prison for child abuse. that is, if I were caught.

wow, you mean all I have to do is have one and it'll all change? well mercy me.

when we got a new kitten a couple months back, he was all cuddled up to me, playing with my fingers, and I said to myself..."wow, he smells just like a human baby"

then, I chucked him on the couch and went out for about 6 hours and really enjoyed myself.

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New Babies...What's All the Fuss About?

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