THE TIGER

You have been extremely honest and forthright in your response Aidan.

Thank you.

Good sport demands high levels of fitness, the majority of these kids also like to be number one in all of their sporting activities and usually are, or they blow a fuse. Nothing wrong with that either, let them take it out on a punch bag, work with them and encourage them to do well and they 'love it' They are so proud and if you are proud of them they will work harder and stick to you like glue.

I have to admit to not being able to give as much of my life towards it as I would like to. However, I have given of my best and they have drained me. Even now, I get one or two, (two actually) who are very close to leaving their teenage years and still come to see me, or send me an odd text if they have a problem, we usually sort it out.

They are great kids in my book.

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Who can save our children from these control freaks?

Their virtue seems, if you don't look too keenly,unassailable.

I almost wish I was stupid. It seems such a safe option. It must be wonderful to be able to go through life without ever for one moment considering that you might be arse about tit. I'm envious.

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Who can save our children from these control freaks?

You could try. That certainly would seem an admirable career choice and way to spend your life. The system needs good people within it in order to change it. Ever think about teaching Spendius?

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Their virtue seems, if you don't look too keenly,unassailable

Whose virtue are you referring to? The childrens' or the control freaks'. Actually most peoples' virtue looks unassailable if you don't look too keenly.

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I almost wish I was stupid.

I've said this before, be careful what you wish for.

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It seems such a safe option.

Debatable.

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It must be wonderful to be able to go through life without ever for one moment considering that you might be arse about tit.

That's more about being unaware and oblivious than about being stupid.

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I'm envious.

Now, that's the emotional tendancy or characteristic that will most damage any chance you ever have for happiness. Talk about cancer-inducing (Mathos did once). Envy will eat away at your insides like acid.

You're better off the way you are Spendius. Or if you're really envious - figure out what change you need to make and make it. Just don't allow yourself to wallow in envy for very long.

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Ever think about teaching Spendius?

The clown would create total anarchy.

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No, he would be perfect. I've been thinking about it. He's extremely well read, he's got a great fund of general knowledge, he's exacting and precise. He's very good at communicating and getting information across. When he's in the right mood, he's got a great sense of humor and sense of the absurd and can be very entertaining. The kids (it'd have to be teen-agers because the younger ones wouldn't get his jokes) would love him. His classes would probably be the most popular and sought after of all the classes in the whatever school he was at.

Take my word for it. I've known a lot of teachers. Spendius is teacher material.

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A classic case of beguilement. Rolling Eyes

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A classic case of underestimating a lady.

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On the contrary Spendius, I would consider it suicide to underestimate any of the little conniving darlings.

You appear rather withdrawn of late, are you too hot in Yorkshire?

You could take a trip to Robin Hood Bay, a delightful little spot on your ugly coastline. Rent one of those small beach huts, put your 1940's bathing costume on, handkerchief knotted in each corner (there are four corners by the way) and stretch it across your head for protection. Then you could paddle, eat an ice cream and throw sticks for the little Yorkshire Terriers, which will be fouling the sand and contaminating the environment.

Did you enjoy the Germany v Italy game, it was excellent in my book, must be the best game of the competition so far. I hope France bury Portugal tomorrow.

Oh my money was on Germany, I was surprised to loose that one. Which way were you batting and who do you fancy tomorrow?

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Now Nellie came to England
From far across the sea,
Looking for a lover,
Or someone who drank tea.

She settled in a county
Down the southern plain
It get's a little sunshine
And a lot of dismal rain.

She knows a man called Spendi,
Chucklebottom, his surname,
He lives a bleak and boozy life,
His only claim to fame.

But Nellie she was frantic,
To get him in her bed (Hehaw.Heaw)
She didn't care he never bathed,
Or had warts growing from his head.

She met him on the internet
Sent messages everyday
Spendi he was in the pub,
Idling life away.

He thought, Oh Boy, she will cost me,
I'm having none of that,
She'll have me wearing fancy suits,
Texan boots and a stetson hat.

But Nellie thought she'd have him
To Yorkshire she would go
Looking for Spendi Chucklebottom,
No one would ever know.

She drove to Bradford City
She drove to Kieghley town
Spendi was playing doggo,
Under his eiderdown.

He said, "I can't come out lads,
There's a floosy on my back,
She thinks I look like Cary Grant,
What do you make of that?"

The lads they all sat laughing
Spendi was bent and grey,
But when he was on the internet,
He washed the years away.

But Nellie she was gagging
So an advert she did place

TEXAN LOOKING FOR SPENDI;- BIG REWARD I'LL PAY

The papers latched on to it
Nellie went on breakfast TV
Mathos was rolling on the floor,
THANKING GOD IT WASN'T HE.

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Nellie's not a Texan
She's a Yankee through and through
And if Mathos knew a single thing
He'd know this much is true

Nellie loves Bruce Springsteen
The turnpike and the shore
Nellie's a pure New Jersey girl
A man couldn't ask for more.

But Nellie's heart is taken
By a yank whose heart is hers
So Spendius and Mathos
Can keep driving in that Spur (of theirs).

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Didn't Nellie tell me,
In Texas she was born
She had to move to Jersey
It left her all forlorn.

And does she love the Boss
He really pumps it out
When Mathos sings born in the USA
He gives it lots of clout

But joining Mathos and Spendi
I don't think your that thick
I'd sooner have a fight with Tyson
Or be hit by an Accrington brick.

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Nellie was born in Texas
But she lived there just one year
And when she went back to visit
The racist south filled her with fear.

She grew up happy in Jersey
Where people are laid back and real
She's happy she stayed in the cool, blue North
And that's just the way that she feels.

Jersey Girl (Bruce Springsteen)

I got no time for the corner boys
Down in the street making all that noise
Or the girls out on the avenue
`cause tonight i wanna be with you
Tonight i'm gonna take that ride
Across the river to the Jersey side
Take my baby to the carnival
And i'll take her on all the rides

`cause down the shore everything's all right
You and your baby on a Saturday night
You know all my dreams come true
When i'm walking down the street with you

Sha la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la la la
Sha la la la la la la
Sha la la la i'm in love with a jersey girl

You know she thrills me with all her charms
When i'm wrapped up in my baby's arms
My little girl gives me everything
I know that some day she'll wear my ring
So don't bother me man i ain't got no time
I'm on my way to see that girl of mine
`cause nothing matters in this whole wide world
When you're in love with a Jersey girl

Sha la la la...

I see you on the street and you look so tired
I know that job you got leaves you so uninspired
When i come by to take you out to eat
You're lyin' all dressed up on the bed baby fast asleep
Go in the bathroom and put your makeup on
We're gonna take that little brat of yours and drop her off at your mom's
I know a place where the dancing's free
Now baby won't you come with me
`cause down the shore everything's all right
You and your baby on a saturday night
Nothing matters in this whole wide world
When you're in love with a Jersey girl.

PS: Nellie doesn't really have a boyfriend. She can't lie. But Mathos needs to stop this "crush on Spendius ****" with her. It's not true. You're trying to embarrass her- and Spendius - and that's not nice- besides the fact it's immature. Nellie wouldn't want anyone who didn't want her - bottom line - she's a Jersey girl - and you see what the boss himself says about Jersey girls. Besides - she would never look for someone on the internet - a woman would have to be insane to do that - and I know you think Nellie is - but the fact is she isn't.

PS: If you want me to stop talking in the third person - you need to call me Aidan or Rebecca. I can't keep adopting these names for myself- it's just too weird.
And if I wanted to picture anyone as an actor - I wouldn't picture him as Cary Grant - I'd picture him as Clive Owen.

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Mathos - I'm worried about the authenticity and realistic value of your magnum opus. If you've depicted Nellie as a Texan - using Aidan's dialogue-oh my god - you've got her character totally wrong. That'd be like depicting Yorkshireman Spendius as a cider-swilling dairy farmer and giving him a Somerset accent.

You Brits think all us Americans are alike. Texas and New Jersey might as well be on two different continents for all the similarities in place and spirit their residents personify. If Nellie's from Texas - she sounds like... Holly Hunter (one of the only actresses I can think of who hasn't deliberately tried to lose her southern accent - and her accent isn't even Texas southern - it's more Georgia or somewhere like that). You can't have Aidan's words coming out in Nellie's accent- it just won't fit.

Aidan's accent is hard to place. Most people from the states guess she's from California. People over here always think she's Canadian. Her whole mindset, personality and mannerisms embody the opposite of what is typically thought of as American southern or as you've depicted Nellie. The only thing southern about Aidan is her taste in food.

Don't be shy about asking for help. Want me to edit for you? (You also might need a little help with the word choices). Let me know. I'd be more than happy to do that for you- and I think I have a good handle on Nellie's character. I think she might even have a little a2k crush - but it's not on Spendius or Mathos. How about that for a little plot twist? Laughing

*By the way - I really, really did enjoy the poem about Jim and the model on the Sheep thread. I think you've found your niche there Mathos.

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I must be adapting to your madness, this one didn't raise a heartbeat. :wink:

Who may I enquire do you, sorry, (the poem) think that Nellie has a crush on?

Yes we need a plot twister.

Who gets the royalty cheque?

It's the model who will make the best reading when I get around to it. I blush at the very thoughts of things to come Embarrassed

Night Nellie

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Who may I enquire do you, sorry, (the poem) think that Nellie has a crush on?

That's my, oops sorry, I mean Nellie's secret.

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Who gets the royalty cheque?

We'd split it: 50/50.

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It's the model who will make the best reading when I get around to it. I blush at the very thoughts of things to come

Don't be too sure about that. You're not the only one who can write sensually romantic scenes. Just wait till you hear what I have in store for my - I mean -Nellie's crush....

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Night Nellie-

Now who's gone off their rocker? You're talking to Aidan. Nellie is your crazy tea-drinking Texan who grew up on the Northwest coast- she's your cartoon character Mathos. Do you really believe you're having conversations with her now? I know someone who can help you with that. Let me know if you want me to direct him to this thread or not.

But while we're on the subject - let's make Nellie younger than Aidan, no kids and totally single- never married. More chance for hot guys to enter the picture so I'll have something to write about while you're slav(er)ing over that blonde. It's only fair - deal?

Wait - nevermind all that. You make her whatever you want to make her. I'll be able to come up with the character of a real man who could make a woman happy- whatever her circumstances and age. I'll work with whatever you give me.

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If we are going into a writing exercise young lady, we need trust, you will therefore feel obliged to inform me all the details of Nellies passionate entrancement with who so ever it might be.

50% x 50% Never..

Your only a woman to start with, that automatically devalues your share of the net proceeds quite dramatically.

Then, the commencement of this 'original writing' was my creation with the hero Jim being assaulted by Nellie and her tinned tomatoes.

I have actually thought of using Spendi in this as well, but we need to keep the idiot away from his rubber blow up sex doll called Diana ( he created this doll by the way), referred to it as his secretary and it has a big red gob complete with vibrator, it's totally disgusting.

The police worked out that Diana is an anagram of Aidan as well.

How are your ears by the way?

He will work for beer money of course. I rather think it would be more appropriate and businesslike to settle the financial situation before we 'get the show on the road'

75% - 25% my favour and I take responsibility for treating Spendi, you can make sure he eats. Don't bother having your lawns cut.

I look forward to receipt of your acceptance of the schedule by the earliest possible return and wish you a pleasant nights sleep.

Mathos.

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If we are going into a writing exercise young lady, we need trust, you will therefore feel obliged to inform me all the details of Nellies passionate entrancement with who so ever it might be.

Mathos - trust is no longer an option. We are dealing here (in whatever communication we engage in) with fruit from a poisonous tree. I decided long ago to ignore your very duplicitous and non-loyal behavior and talk to you anyway - because I found it amusing. I do however never take anything you say seriously or as fact. Sorry to be so blunt - but well- let's just put it this way - you've been less than gentle with me- so I don't feel compelled to be gentle with you - although I will never be cruel and will always be truthful. I think that's more than most people here on a2k can claim....

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50% x 50% Never..

Those are my terms.

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Your only a woman to start with, that automatically devalues your share of the net proceeds quite dramatically.

In your dreams (and in your antiquitated view of such matters).

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Then, the commencement of this 'original writing' was my creation with the hero Jim being assaulted by Nellie and her tinned tomatoes.

Have you lost your ever-loving mind? You know I was the inspiration for Nellie and have been for months. I've been feeding you this stuff - knowing you were using it. You guys think you're such players - you don't even know when you're being played. I've found it extremely flattering to have my words copied and bandied about far and anon. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - ever hear that old saying?

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I have actually thought of using Spendi in this as well, but we need to keep the idiot away from his rubber blow up sex doll called Diana ( he created this doll by the way), referred to it as his secretary and it has a big red gob complete with vibrator, it's totally disgusting.

Sounds quite useful to me. Pent up or misplaced sexual frustration and energy is the cause of quite a lot of problems and actual violence, especially toward women, in our society. Any little thing that can help a man work some of that **** off and out is a godsend to innocent women everywhere.

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The police worked out that Diana is an anagram of Aidan as well.

You needed the police to help you with that? Jesus, you guys can't do anything on your own, can you? Guess what I did all by myself? I worked out thatl Mathos is an anagram of Thomas - but that's neither here nor there. Another lovely compliment - Aidan-Diana- Goddess of the moon. I love it.

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How are your ears by the way?

Fine. How should they be? Oh, do you mean itching or something - as in I'm being talked about? You're kidding! What a surprise that would be. But again, it's kind of flattering to elicit so much attention and response just by being little old me. I have to say it's quite a novel experience. And as you know - I'm all about new, exciting and unique experiences.

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He will work for beer money of course. I rather think it would be more appropriate and businesslike to settle the financial situation before we 'get the show on the road'

Okay that's settled then. You and me split royalties 50/50 and you buy Spendius his beer out of your take.

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75% - 25% my favour and I take responsibility for treating Spendi, you can make sure he eats. Don't bother having your lawns cut.

Yeah, right.

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I look forward to receipt of your acceptance of the schedule by the earliest possible return and wish you a pleasant nights sleep.

Here we go then. And a lovely night to you too Mathos.

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Aidan,

Prior to reading this posting I would direct your very serious attention to the following:-

Sheep a poem in one sentence:
Post number:- (Your post number):- 2137225
Dated:- 11th July 2006
Page number 28

I am trusting you took the direction without continuing reading on.

I will carry on as though you obeyed.

I like that, 'obeyed' it say's a great deal.

I made a rather rash offer originally at 75% - 25% my favour.
Thankfully you rebuked my extremely generous offer.
It is impossible for me to enter this transaction with you and my final offer will be revealed in a short time.

You have not exactly proven yourself to be a would be reliable business partner, have you? Throwing in the towel every five minutes and being rather obnoxious towards me on occasion, if not bellicose at times.

In your reference to Spendius having the characteristics of:- A pent up or misplaced sexual frustration and energy, are you actually aware of him possessing these traits, or are you simply meandering?

In the 'Worst writing' scenario Spendius creates a secretary and she is called Diana, I was merely reading the story, it appeared the police were to become involved and Spendi did a runner. The secretary (a stupid blow up rubber doll with a 'big red gob' that vibrates if you stick your finger in) is found deflated under Spendi's desk. It then transpires and I had to go back to check on this when I read the story, that Spendius had the habit of really pulling hard on her ears, for whatever reason, I suggest you read the same and come to your own conclusions.

During the police investigations it came to light that Spendius had been doodling down the letters DIANA or AIDAN, read them how you wish.

I am aware that you and Spendius could have been writing this story between you, the style is very much akin.

Now you are setting your sights on becoming a "Goddess of the moon."

How are your ears, anyhow?

Having agreed to use your , shall we say 'strange' talents I will not renege on the same, however my split pro rata has been reduced in your favour.

I will take 80% and you will be entitled to the 20% no more! You do of course still have to sort Spendi out of your proportion, I want nothing to do with him really, especially in view of the 'ear pulling scenario'

Did you enjoy that?

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Aidan
Prior to reading this posting I would direct your very serious attention to the following:-

Sheep a poem in one sentence:
Post number:- (Your post number):- 2137225
Dated:- 11th July 2006
Page number 28

I am trusting you took the direction without continuing reading on.

I will carry on as though you obeyed.

I did obey.

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You have not exactly proven yourself to be a would be reliable business partner, have you? Throwing in the towel every five minutes

On the contrary - I'd be very reliable if I knew what we were doing and if I was suited to do it. I'm not nearly as talented as you or Spendius at writing comedy. If you are continuing with the story and character of Nellie as you have started - you're really better off on your own. Your humorous poetry is funny as it stands - I really couldn't add anything to that Mathos.

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and being rather obnoxious towards me on occasion, if not bellicose at times.

Right, well, I could say the same about you.

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In your reference to Spendius having the characteristics of:- A pent up or misplaced sexual frustration and energy, are you actually aware of him possessing these traits, or are you simply meandering?

I didn't say Spendius specifically had those characteristics. I said I could see how a blow up doll might come in handy and even serve the female public interests.
You know I was thinking while I was driving today - do they have male blow up dolls? Not that I need one or would use one - I was simply curious. And then I started thinking of the actual physical logistics of that concept and started laughing - I almost had to pull over so I wouldn't have an accident.

Seriously though - I don't know anything about the sexual practices of anyone on this forum. My comments about blow up dolls were in reference to the male population as a whole- not specifically aimed at anyone on this forum.

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In the 'Worst writing' scenario Spendius creates a secretary and she is called Diana, I was merely reading the story, it appeared the police were to become involved and Spendi did a runner. The secretary (a stupid blow up rubber doll with a 'big red gob' that vibrates if you stick your finger in) is found deflated under Spendi's desk. It then transpires and I had to go back to check on this when I read the story, that Spendius had the habit of really pulling hard on her ears, for whatever reason, I suggest you read the same and come to your own conclusions.

Not interested - sorry. Doesn't sound like my cup of tea... to coin a phrase. You'll have to ask Spendius why he pulled on poor Diana's ears. That's obviously his predilection - not mine.
Remember Mathos - I'm not Nellie or Diana - I'm obviously not a blow up doll - (I don't think they can type- can they?) and I don't have a big red gob. Sorry - can't be of service to you there Buddy. You might just have to get your own blow up doll since you seem so interested in them. And if you do, you can name her Nellie. (If I ever need one and find a male version - I'm gonna name mine Jim- oh but wait - that's my brother's name - that would just be a little too weird...strike that. I don't think the need will ever arise anyway...)

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During the police investigations it came to light that Spendius had been doodling down the letters DIANA or AIDAN, read them how you wish.

How touching.

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I am aware that you and Spendius could have been writing this story between you, the style is very much akin.

Not guilty. I haven't even clicked on that worst writing story. I do agree however that Spendius and I did write our Valmont/Isabella story rather seamlessly last summer. We can write similarly in that style - although again- he's much better at the humor and I think my strength is description. But then he got pissed off at me - and that was that...that was a shame. I really enjoyed that while it lasted.

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Now you are setting your sights on becoming a "Goddess of the moon."

You're the one who related Aidan and Diana - not me

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How are your ears, anyhow?

My ears are fine. Noone has been or ever has pulled on them. That must be a British thing...

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Having agreed to use your , shall we say 'strange' talents I will not renege on the same, however my split pro rata has been reduced in your favour.

I will take 80% and you will be entitled to the 20% no more! You do of course still have to sort Spendi out of your proportion, I want nothing to do with him really, especially in view of the 'ear pulling scenario'

Whatever Mathos. I'm not expecting to see a penny anway and 20% of nothing is nothing - just like 50% of nothing is nothing and even 80% of nothing is still nothing.

We'll just do it for the simple pleasure it will bring us - how about that?

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Did you enjoy that?

Enjoy what?

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Tummy troubles darling?

Ah well tomorrow is another day Rolling Eyes

Night Grumpy.

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