Economic differences/age diff.

go with the flow. If it is meant to be it will be

Yeah.

I suppose I had been ruminating and just needed to get it out.

Thanks ralph!

He makes you happy right now?

There are never any guarantees but happy is a rare enough condition for me to think it's worth giving it a chance.

Have fun!

Yep.

If you were say 21 and he was 30 I might feel differently; but you're a very mature almost-27, with a whole lot of life experience, and 36 isn't that old (says the 35-year-old, somewhat hopefully...)

Both of those things -- age, income -- are potential problems, sure, but not necessarily problems, at all.

Go for it, see what happens.

And keep us posted! :-D

Thank you.
yeah 36 does not seem old at all to me anymore. Actually, i think of that as young.
Seems the very things that we have to offer each other are the things that could bring problems: that's life, eh?!

36? i wish I was that young again!

Pretty common for older more powerful richer guys to hit up younger chicks. It's even been quite successfully argued that it may be an ingrained genetic trait that younger women would seek out these type of men for stability and support. Have fun!

Oh, Chumly, you romantic old fool...

I guess my wife lost out. all she got was a broke old ugly guy. but we do make cute babies:)

Hey cyphercat,

Give me a classic good old fashioned romantic tongue rasp and I'll forget all about the other side of the coin I was going to mention i.e. it's rather physically / sexually obvious as to why an older man would have an inclination to choose a younger female (oops did I say that?).

Now, I was getting my tongue all moistened up and everything, and then you had to go ahead and ruin it...

Well, there will always be opportunities for smart-arse come-backs if I keep seeing him...that's a bonus!

So has anyone here been in a relationship like this?

Almost, but it's in my "I would feel differently if..." category. I was 20 (?), he was 28 I think. He was a hunkahunka burnin' love but I was 20 and he was all serious and talking marriage and such. Very different places in our lives.

I think that kind of thing becomes much less important starting at about your current age, and especially with your level of experience and maturity. I know a heckuva lot of 36-year-olds who are less mature than you, and those are just the normal ones, not the pathologically immature ones.

There's been imbalance of some sort in almost every relationship I've been in.

I've been with older guys, younger guys, much younger guys. I've never been in a serious relationship with a guy who was more financially secure/stable than I am.

I think that once the younger partner is past about 23/24, the age difference has to be fairly big (say 15 - 25 years) for it to matter. People outside of the relationship might have another opinion but they'll get a big ole shrug and eye roll from me.

Generally, I prefer to be in relationships with somewhat younger men <my personal cutoff is that I won't date anyone I could have given birth to>, but being with an older guy has been less of a problem than I thought it would be. But that may be specific to it being Set.

Well, I've got a few years on Quinn. We're in a similar situation and it hasn't been a problem (at least for me, I can't speak for her!) for the last 4 years or so.

IMO, the imbalance ehBeth spoke of isn't a problem unless it is used as a control issue. I'd have to guess that there are peope that do try to control the one in the "weaker" position but then they are the same people that would try to find some way to control the other person if age and income were equeal too.

Yup.

The 'makes me happy' factor is the one that really counts (for me).

I was 22; he was 33. I was in Law School; he was a lawyer at a pretty swanky firm in Wilmington. He was also in the throes of a divorce, which I'm sure affected things more than anything else. He owned and was fixing up his own home, a Victorian. I shared an apartment with a fellow student on the other side of town.

We were pretty good together but, bottom line, it was more of a mentor/protegé relationship than a love affair. He would introduce me to things, take me out, things I really could not reciprocate as I was a dirt poor student and studying, in class or asleep when I wasn't with him. I also recall our tastes in music and the like did not jibe and he was definitely on a different developmental path than I was.

He ended it after about 4 or 5 months, I think he thought things were getting too serious. He married the next woman he went out with; they must be close to their 20th wedding anniversary by now.

Anyway, it was okay while it lasted, but in retrospect it was not a great relationship and we would have had a disastrous marriage if it had come to that. You may or may not be quite that far apart and it may seem silly and superficial, but it's all a part of compatibility. While people who are different can end up being compatible, it's harder than it is for people who don't have these sorts of differences. Listening to different music isn't, really, a difference, or at least I suppose it shouldn't be, but it is. It was a symptom of how different we really were.

If you're not looking for a serious, long-term relationship, then go for it and enjoy yourself. If you are looking for something serious, though, consider the differences and be ruthless. If the differences are a pain now, they will likely (not necessarily, just likely) worsen over time as we all set deeper and deeper into our ways. If the differences, even after looking at them hard and objectively and without passion, are no big deal, then it may very well work out.

Hey flushd .....

I had a relationship with an older man. It didn't work out for reasons that were nothing to do with the age spread, though. (And not something I care to get into, in this thread)

He was well grounded in his career - I was just beginning mine. I had actually just changed jobs. My 2nd one in the 10 months since I had gotten my degree. So many pieces of the puzzle to my life, just strewn about.

I can't say that I really thought much about the age difference when we first started dating. The "older man" attraction was nothing new to me. But I did feel sort of "beneath" him.

By "beneath" him, I mean ........... he just felt so powerful. More so than I would ever even wanna be, ya know? He was a business owner, plenty of money. Fancy everything. And all the "toys" to go along with his lifestyle.

Older men can be extremely viable in a successful relationship. IMO. The things you learn off of them, invaluable. IF it's the right man. Older men just seem to have a better sense of where they are going in life. For the most part, they know how to treat a woman. They've been around the block enough times to wanna feel like slowing down some. Unlike a younger man. And then there's the sex. Not that sex is everything, but it is very important to a GOOD relationship. An older man, for the most part, will touch you differently and take you to heights a younger man doesn't a lot of times, because a younger man is in too much in a hurry to get the "prize". He hasn't learned that slowly savoring the build up .... creates a much bigger and better prize. :wink:

I don't think the age difference is great at all, between you two. I think the fact that you have always dated guys your own age, makes it SEEM like he's almost ancient to you.

Go with it! Keep your heart in check, if you can, till you see where things are going between you. But don't keep it too much in check. Let it be soft and feeling, too. You don't want a wall around you.

Enjoy it!

Yes I have, but I was a lot younger than you at that time, so I was
not into the relationship for the long haul. Yet I had no reservations
to NOT engage in it.

flush'd, are you sure you'd like to continue with this guy? You haven't really mentioned anything about your emotional involvement, just your age,
educational and monetary differences.