Petty annoyance but it's making me insane.

Hey, Soz. Miss you, too. Now howzabout a little advice? Hmmm?

As long as she knows you are paying attention to her, she will feel impelled to keep it up.

I tend towards what dlowan already said.

With a few forays into "well maybe I'll be especially friendly to her and she'll cheer up and not be so annoying" that did not go well.

So, I can definitely NOT recommend that.

Other than that, with the circumstances you describe (not a managerial relationship with her, some her-defenders among co-workers), the best I can come up with is ignore and vent.

Oh dear me yes, I remember her, she's a hon.




Memorable Quotes from
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.

Neal (Steve Martin): And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of f*cking nowhere with f*cking keys to a f*cking car that isn't f*cking there. And I really didn't care to f*cking walk down a f*cking highway and across a f*cking runway to get back here to have you smile at my f*cking face. I want a f*cking car RIGHT F*CKING NOW!

Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement.

Neal: I threw it away.

Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.

Neal: Oh boy what?

Car Rental Agent: You're f*cked.

I've been in this situation now for two years and it's just not getting any better. It's not my place to reprimand her, for sure. Being nice to her definitely only makes matters worse. I just feel like I'm back in high school.

I have considered taking her aside and talking to her woman to woman. Tell her how her actions make me feel. That they are not having the effect that she seems to want. Others in the office have told me not to do it, that it could easily backfire. I dunno.. It feels like the right thing to do.

What result would you hope to get from it?

(Not as in, "there is no possible good result," but as in "I'm not sure the good result you want is gettable from that line of approach... though it might, depending on the desired result.")

Gotta get to bed... nighty-night!

Nite, Soz.

Hell, I don't know...I want her to stop trying to be my mother. She's only a couple of years older than I am but she acts so grandmotherly. I don't need to be fretted over. I just want her to do her job ferchrissake. Is that something you can say to someone?

I've already had other talks with her when she screwed up a job that I had tried to teach her how to do. Her response was to try to give me a hug. Oy.

I know she has a bitchy side, I've seen flashes of it. I wish she showed it more often. I could warm up to that.

I'm going to bed, too. Nite everyone. Thanks for listening.

Hmmm

I think a lot of receptionists can be very motherly as it kind of goes with the territory, as they need to know where everyone is at all times. You say she is a secretary so maybe my perception of what she does (or at least is supposed to be doing) is off.

Our receptionist calls me hon all the time. I know it's not the same but she's not the first receptionist to have done that and probably won't be the last.

Anyway, an employee not doing work, or screwing up, or palming it off on other people, is something that can be documented. And it is something that can reflect on her boss. After all, if other workers are disgruntled, or are unable to do their jobs because she isn't doing hers (and they're doing hers), or are cleaning up after her mistakes for the umpteenth time, then that will reflect poorly on the boss.

You have friends there who also have a problem with her, yes? Then it's time to start getting stuff in writing, because verbiage and subtlety ain't cuttin' it. Just something like

[u]Monday, March 20, 2006[/u] Doing my job: 6.5 hrs Lunch: 1.0 hrs Doing Edie's job: .5 hrs [u]Tuesday, March 21, 2006[/u] Doing my job: 5.0 hrs Lunch 1.5 hrs Fixing Edie's mistakes (attached): 1.5 hrs etc etc throughout the week, ending with [u][b]Recap for week of March 20 - 24, 2006[/b][/u] Doing my job: 30.5 hrs Lunches: 5.5 hrs Doing Edie's job or fixing her mistakes: 9.0 hrs

Pile up enough of those and any supervisor will have to take notice.

Thanks, Jes. She is not a receptionist, although she perfoms those duties as well. She is the office secretary and is tasked with all manner of clerical duties including filing, data entry, typing, etc ., as well as answering the phone. The boss knows she's not doing a good job. He's been bullied by his superior into making sure that she stays. (It's a long story, that I would rather not get into.) So she's staying. Bringing it up to the boss doesn't really help because he feels like there is nothing he can do. He talks to her. She cries. He says she's sensitive. That's the end of it.

I will continue to document. I may need to go over his head to get something done.

Documenting sounds good.

One thing that might help in just getting your mind around it is something I'll call the "secretary effect," I've gone into it here before. Basically, secretaries have very little real power, but a certain kind of secretary tries to weild what power she can, through emotional/ social means. She'll be one person's confidant, and then drop hints to another that she has some dirt on the first person, and have to be cajoled to expose it. She pits people against each other. She constantly projects a presence that is warm, maternal, supportive -- but she's diggin'. She's looking for a toehold.

If that seems to apply to her at all, maybe you can take some satisfaction in denying her that toehold.

Maybe it's driving her crazy that I don't tell her anything. Oh, you've appealed to my evil side, Soz. heehee

There ya go.

Polite, friendly, and zero toehold... her head will explode.

Truth is my head might explode first.

Reading along here...I think you need to treat the stuff going on with her as two totally separate issues....and address the one that is most crutical to everyone getting their job done.

I wasn't kidding when I said she sounds lonely. She may have very poor social skills and this is how she thinks one acts friendly. That's part of her personality, and if she smiles and is overly happy to see you and you don't like that, well sorry swimpy, that's your problem.

I've worked with someone for over 7 years and she is a certifiable nut case. She's histrionic, passive aggressive, has no interests that aren't superficial. We were waiting for a flight together once, and good thing they don't allow ice picks at the airport or she would have been missing an eye. Everyone she works with thinks the same thing….BUT…there is no one better at the job she does, which involves tons of money. She has done things that seem downright impossible.

The 2nd issue regarding her job performance is what you can work with. I can't address that since I don't know your chain of command.

One thing I know though is that politics are politics, and if someone from above said she's not going anywhere, she's not. Don't drive yourself crazy tilting at windmills, decide which hill your willing to die on.

As far as her poor hygiene…Does everyone agree on that? Does she smell? Or does she just look unkempt and make unfortunate clothing choices?

If she was in the private sector, and she dealt with the public, that would be an issue. I don't know gov't policy

Chai, I don't know how to better explain it to you, but she's not a pitiable character. You may be right that I have to get over myself, but I would like to find a happy medium. She doesn't need me as a friend. I believe sozobe and dlowan have it. Her behavior is inappropriate. It is what she does to deflect from her poor work habits. As far as the hygiene is concerned, the woman stinks.

The secretary has breast cancer. I feel like a total bitch.

hey hey hey there.

you didn't give her cancer...

Oh I know, but I still feel bad that I wasn't able to like her. Maybe there is some good to come out of it, though. Today was the first time we had a real conversation, when I felt like she wasn't phony. She's genuinely scared and I feel for her.

Swimpy, who the hell are you using for your avatar?