Life: Looking Back, Looking Forward

Rock and osso---as always...muah!! thank you

Oh My!

Deep breaths girlie.

mmmmmmmmmmm.... I'm with the "don't see it working" crowd - so sorry - do like to be real positive... but.... from about 10 or so pages back, the sleeping arrangements, the feeling a stranger in your own home.... or worse, a visitor - and seeing you smiling about NY (don't know that situation tho) - I'd say you and NV have run your course and I hope you can stay friends.

I know it's financially difficult - but again, the living together from lovers to friends.... terribly hard - especially at Christmas which is a very emotional time anyways and I would imagine, tho do not know you like that, but think you may struggle towards the holiday family time stuff. Know I do. That could heap a bunch of tension on hun - so please be aware (been and done it 2 years ago - so so so so so hard!!!!!!)

Whatever you do Lash - you have many friends here - tho that's no consolation when it's all going t*ts up - but keep strong and follow through what your heart is telling you. Compromise is good - with the right person - right now - I reckon you need to think of you hun.

(((((hugs to you)))))

On the language, I hope for a breakthrough for you. I wasn't miss swift with spoken italian. Better in listening to it, but not by that much, than speaking. I always tripped up with trying to make complicated sentences using several tenses and addenda - well, you know how I write, heh. I would try to express things more complicated than my skill level, or my speed level - I kept skipping simple declarative sentences. On the listening, I never had that much practice. Never did take a conversation class, just seven.. seven!.. quarter type classes from beginning through advanced. I was pretty hot in grammar and got all A's, but, yep, I've forgotten a lot of it. I could do pretty fair essays with relatively few red marks, but never ever perfect. And now it would be back to square one, or maybe square four. That's why I saved a link I saw in a thread by kicky recently about language tapes. Not that I'm going to buy tapes, egads, but I'll try to tune in if I can to italian television.

Anyway, my problem and not necessarily yours is there is still some translating behavior going on in my brain when listening instead of just hearing. I think people get over that hoop with exposure to the daily language, some faster that others. I don't think four years of latin helped me in conversation - they left me in a sort of translating doing-crossword-puzzle type mode instead of hearing.

And when I do just hear (I'm not actually completely befuddled, I do just 'hear' sometimes) I hear slowly.

I think you can break through this - maybe your teachers can help.




Edit to add, I've always been a visual learner, that might have something to do with all this.

Thank you so much, osso. I know exactly what you mean by "hearing slowly." (((osso)))

That's possibly a separate new thread, re hearing a new language. Lot of smarties here might be able to help you on that. Nemmee, since I have a similar problem.

It looks like your surviving Lash. You’ll make the decisions you need to make…as events and your heart dictate, and you’ll be fine.

Good luck with your Spanish classes. I memorized about twenty sentences and a few dozen more words back in the day when I was in love with a bloke from Nicaragua, so I can't help, even a little.

Unless you come to Toronto, in which case I'll order us some cold beer. Or water. Or black beans with rice. And I can still probably get us directions to the bathroom.

lmao, joe. Thanks for peeking in!

ok - so the Spanish thing. Can you make your environment more Spanish-friendly? listen to Spanish radio, watch Spanish news on the teeeveee, work in a Spanish-speaking environment ... immersion works.

and NY. Ice him. For now. Tell him you'll get in touch in the new year.

I can get you a beer in French, German and ASL. I've always been verra good with language

NY: on ice. He calls and we talk, but it's more about daily concerns, things we have in common. We are best friends, and that's good enough for me right now..... My "romantic spirit" seems to be taking a powder. I think my energies are shifting from primary interest in my personal life...to full throttle focus on school, career, etc.

Beth---your ideas about Spanish immersion are great. The problem is I've been doing that. When I rent movies, I put on the Spanish subtitles, I try to hang with Spanish TV shows... and I'm studying daily. When I think to myself...my interior monologue, I try to think in Spanish... I just have to admit I have a serious block. I lose it constantly. I did great in Span 1110, until we were subjected to five new tenses in a 2 week period. Not only didn't I grasp the new tenses, it flushed most everything I had grasped...right out of my head. I'm making flash cards today.

But, thanks so much. I'll take any and all ideas/support I can get. I've had to climb a pretty steep mountain...and have felt in control of upward progress until now. Feeling a little puny.

Wishing you well on the journey Lash. x

Thank you sweety!!! (beams Iz strength and happiness, as well)

Lash, as I recall you have always been an excellent student. I'm going to guess part of your frustration is that you finally hit a subject for which you don't seem to have a strong aptitude and it's pretty easy to panic when that happens. I've experienced that all my life. Some things that others seem to assimilate effortlessly just don't compute with me. (Quantum physics comes to mind, but there are lots of others that should be easy but aren't.) I know my IQ and it is maddening to not be able to understand what seems so easy for others. Then again, I can do some things and learn some things with comparative ease that others find extremely difficult or impossible.

Having problems in personal relationships certainly doesn't help, but it does sound like that is resolving or has resolved. Probably Spanish is not a subject in which you have strong aptitude, so you have to get through it on sheer determination and hard work. And sometimes we have to fail a bit before we learn how to succeed.

You'll achieve your goals though. You know you will. I think you just have to relax and forgive yourself for the rough patch.

Pretty accurate, I think, Fox. Happy you dropped by!!! I appreciate your support and analysis!

Brother. I need therapy. NV and I had an amicable break up a couple of months ago. We're still roomates...and this has been going wildly well with two major arguments (that we talked out and realized it was a bit challenging for him to have me around...). But, open and honest communication is really strong between us, and we're doing well. We're actually going on another vacation in Helen with 30 or so friends...where he is meeting a new potential girlfriend...staying in the same cabin. So, this is not my problem.

I've had three dates with a really handsome, charming, quite sexy photographer. The last date was a weekend trip to a photo shoot....laughing...a black church...I fixed children's clothes...flirted with the deacons, had a blast and so enjoyed my time with him. He asked me to this weekend's shoot, but both of us knew I couldn't go...having to work and study a lot. We talk daily. We talk politics all the time, we're both laid back about the relationship, but very comfortable with each other. SO WHY DO I FEEL THAT SOMETHING'S MISSING? NY again? I just feel like I'm holding something back, or that I'll never be able to be fully there for anyone as long as I have this memory of NY. So, I told NY during one of our usual conversations that I felt this way---which is NOT our usual MO. He said he feels the same way.

So, wtf? Am I torpedoing a potentially great relationship for some pie in the sky something---or am I following my heart?

I hate this.

I need some "click." ...some deep connection.... some soul transfer... I've only had it with NY. Is this something that can "happen with time" in your experience...or not?

I know I need to meet NY....but we've been talking for 2 years. I know him intimately. The way he looks will make no difference...but I realize that click may be absent when we meet. I guess I should haul ass to NY sooner rather than later....

Guess I answered my own question. Insanity installment # 87895.

Signed,

Confused and disgruntled in Athens.

That damn elusive click!

Meanwhile Bs in both Spanishes so far...and school is my top priority. I'm leaning toward going straight into the Master's.

Plus, if I'm so in love with NY...why don't I want to end it with Photog Guy? I think I'm being stupid again. I should just date this guy and get hypnotized to forget NY.....(kidding....sorta)

Maybe it's a case of "a bird in hand..."

Your life is never simple, is it?

You can probably predict what I'll say...

Get things resolved with NV. Not living together. Out of the way.

NY is not a real person. I know I know, you've talked, etc... I'm telling you, he's not a real person yet. There is too much self-editing, too much selectiveness in an internet-and-phone-only connection to know anything about how you'd be in a relationship. You interact with each other when you want to. You don't when you don't want to. It's easy to fill in blanks with good stuff.

You acknowledge this too, I know I'm not really telling you anything you don't know. I'm just not sure if going to see him is the solution right now.

Still think some actual solo time would be good. Get NV dealt with, then nobody, nada, no dating, for some stretch of time. I don't mean stay in your apt. and emerge only for classes (congrats on those B's!! I know that was a tough class), go ahead and have fun... as an unambigously single person. For a while.

IMO.

Miss Thing, there's a lot in this thread that you need to re-read. You seem to constantly be in a rush to get into something, get into a relationship, come on come on come one, you need to date, be in a relationship, make relationship decisions, make relationship moves, something something something. It's exhausting to read. I can't imagine how enervating it would be to live.

Well, I can imagine it. I was young once.

t.r.y t.o. s.l.o.w. i.t. d.o.w.n.

you've heard it from us many times, in many variations. you've said that you recognized the need to slow down, to "drift" - but you're having trouble doing it for some reason.

t.r.y. t.o. r.e.l.a.x.

try

really. try to put the fellas on ice for a while. at least the guys that want to date/have relationships/be your best friend.

try to really really get comfortable just being yourself, with yourself

I think the time you need is with you, not with someone else. Even better than therapy.