Life: Looking Back, Looking Forward

Boomer-- I hope you'll make it back here with your thoughts. What is crossroads...what is detour...? Interesting!!

This may not be that great an idea for a thread. I didn't want to whine or look pathetic...I'm just wondering if other people are sort of "summarizing" life and making adjustments... or not--or if they ever did--if it was a deliberate thing, or just a passing thought...

Thanks, masturbaters and others.

Is anyone surprised at the level of Noddy's dominion holding? I thought your comments were cool, Noddy. Thanks.

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if I had something to say here, I'd say something.

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Thanks for that update.

<tee>

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Lash, this thread is lovely.

I've thought about the funeral ashes thing. My mother wants to be cremated and she wants us to spread her ashes in a few places she loves. She said we should keep some to spread somewhere that is meaningful to us. In my thoughts on what to do with my animals' ashes, I've considered a few things on placement. I want to be able to 'go to' my mother (or my animals) after spreading the ashes. But, that means not on any private property - not their house, not at any site that may be disturbed in my lifetime. I had two thoughts. I could toss ashes into the ocean off cape cod, knowing full well that the oceans are interconnected and that any ocean would be a good spot to 'go to' my mother after her death. The other spot I thought of was Mount Auburn Cemetery. More secure than any other park, because it is also a cemetery. It's gorgeous, I love visiting even now, and the mature tree plantings there are a topic my mother and I love to discuss now.

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I'm surprised we are the same age Lash. I knew you were a widow with grown children, so I just assumed you were much older. You have also have the wit of a woman who has lived.

My life seems to go through major changes with each new decade. I have no real regrets. I've probably had more careers than most people my age, but I view that as a positive. My life is very good, although the world makes me so sad sometimes that I just want to isolate myself from it. I once had religious faith, but I see no signs of a loving God in this world- so I've given up on most spiritual beliefs. I just know that I do not know. I like to think there is something bigger and better than the human race that will make everyone accountable for their actions at some point, but it's only a hope.

I'm not a person who lives for the future, I'm very good a living in the moment. I have always been a contradiction- part political feminist, part hausfrau. I'm madly in love with my husband and can't imagine life without him. I do not have children by choice, but I have nieces and nephews I enjoy. I sometimes worry that by choosing to do what I love instead of following the money that I will end up as a bag lady or a burden to someone when I'm old or sick, but it's not something I obsesses about.

I can tell you I don't like this growing old stuff. I liked it better when my metabolism worked and I could eat pasta and cupcakes. I liked it better when men helped me with my car because they thought I was a hot chick and not some pathetic middle aged lady who gets addressed as "Ma'am". I liked it better when I could garden all day, take a bath and feel relaxed instead of worn and achy. The good thing is I've learned from my mistakes and I am comfortable and confident in who I am as a person.

I hope you write you book Lash, and I think you'll have no problem getting the doctorate. My mother-in-law is 86 and the other day she was saying she might go take a few classes at the nearby community college. She explained it by saying: "Getting smarter is one thing you are never too old to do."

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I love your thought about the interconnectness of the oceans. I think you've solved my question of where my children will spread my ashes, and my husband's.

We had contemplated Ireland, but now I am more focused: I want them to go to Ireland and (if I don't literally wind up in their hair), deposit our ashes over the rocky cliffs of the Irish coast. Your thought is beautiful. Later, when they feel the need to be close to us, the beach is a serene, majestic place to go. We've walked many miles on beaches (hopefully will log a few more together), and it will be....right.

Thanks so much for that, lilk.

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Quote:

The future is another matter. There are things in my life that I am not happy with and can change. While wishing to change the past is futile, not making plans for the future is idiotic.

This strikes a deep chord with me. It's how I've always felt.

No matter what the past has been, there is always hope in the future.

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Greenwitch!!

I've always thought you were much younger!! That was a great post! We'll have to commiserate. This growing old stuff is NOT working out. <LOL>

I love your philosophy and I'm completely sympatico with these indignities we suffer of late!

I walk like an old woman after working out at the gym!!

Anyway. I loved what you wrote..poignant and hilarious.

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As Noddy once said:

Growing old is not for sissies.

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Lash wrote:

Greenwitch!!

I've always thought you were much younger!! That was a great post! We'll have to commiserate. This growing old stuff is NOT working out. <LOL>

I love your philosophy and I'm completely sympatico with these indignities we suffer of late!

I walk like an old woman after working out at the gym!!

Anyway. I loved what you wrote..poignant and hilarious.

Thanks Lash, we had a thread here once called "Women Of A Certain Age", maybe we should resurrect it.

PS: I think Noddy got that sissies line from Bette Davis.

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I think Noddy is Bette Davis.

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She's got Marty Feldman eyes.

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Interesting topic. I am in constant self review mode. Constantly reviewing my mistakes and wishing I had known better, but being grateful that I finally figured it out on my own anyway. If I have one major regret it is that I didn't have a plan.

Lash, you mentioned a foreign country. I have a sister just one year older than you who moved to Barcelona because she just wanted to experience living in a different country. You kind of remind me of her.

I have more to add, but I'm not done reading everyone else's yet.

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Re: Life: Looking Back, Looking Forward

Lash wrote:

I'm 44. My children are grown and independant, I've become a widow, and I'm in the midst of creating a new life. I know a lot of people here are on Chapter Two, or reaching crossroads...maybe second crossroads...

I thought it might be interesting and instructive to discuss these things.

Regrets, or something you wish someone had told you--to pass down to those who follow behind us....? Where you are in life? What your fondest hopes for the future are? Your youthful philosophy, and any tweaking you did along your path? Did you have a plan? How close did you get to achieving it? Are you happy? Are you lonely? How do you fare in your self-evaluations? What do you want to do before you die?

Does it matter to you whether or not you leave something on this earth to speak to your existence? What do you want that thing to be?

Thanks in advance for sharing something so personal. I plan to take some time to put my answers in some cohesive order.

I am sorry for your loss, Lash. Becoming a widow at age 44 is certainly devastating and I admire your strength, and the positive outlook you're
having. I am sure you'll succeed in whatever you've set your goals onto.

I think, most people have come to crossroads in their lives, the key is
to know yourself, trust your intuition and watch for signs. The three
times I've come to major crossroads, I did (in retrospect) take the
right path, so there aren't any regrets. I made the right decision
despite some road blocks, besides having a lot of luck along the way.

For me, it doesn't matter if I leave something to be remembered by.
I made/make already a difference to my family and close friends, that's sufficient for me.

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It's gotta be more than just a "bookmark," when such philosophical topics are discussed here, but it must be more than leaving sperm down the toilet - as some have suggested.

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Interesting thread.

I'm feeling rather transitional myself. I have nearly reached the endpoint of a long-term plan, and am not quite sure where I'm going to take things from here. The plan was -- go to college, get a degree or two, do some serious traveling, have some major professional accomplishments, meet a long-term partner somewhere in there, save a good amount of money from my own salary to allow me to be a stay-at-home mom, have a kid by 30, be a stay-at-home mom at least until the kid enters kindergarten.

The plan is open-ended beyond that -- it includes one kid but the possibility of more (doesn't look like it), includes up to kindergarten but not what happens after kindergarten.

Well, kid's entering kindergarten in the fall, and I'm not quite sure where I'm going from here. She will be in half-day kindergarten; that works out to something like 12.5 hours a week, so still wouldn't be enough for part-time work. I can increase the home-based stuff I am doing now. When I stepped down as director of my agency, I consoled myself with the thought that it wouldn't be forever, that I'd go right back to that kind of work in 5-6 years. It's funny because I've been doing the online forum thing only since sozlet was born, so my identity is so "mother" here, but there are a whole lot of people who know me from before she was born who cannot BELIEVE I've lasted this long as a stay-at-home mom. My personality was just so career-oriented, achiever, yadda yadda.

But being a stay-at-home mom is really important to me, and to my daughter. I haven't quite figured out that balance yet. It will probably be something part-time when she starts first grade, something out of the home. I love the flexibility of the home-based stuff I've been doing (editing et al), but I really miss being at the center of things, the social whirl, having a zillion things going on and solving problems left and right and having people laugh and shake their heads -- that's soz for you, how does she do it?

Sigh.

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I agree with all those that say you can't change the past but boy do I ever have regrets.

I could fill a wall with regrets.

I have always been so guilty of overthinking things, such a mental masochist, that I often bypassed opportunity when it was knocking loud and clear. I've thrown rubble in my own path to happiness.

Not that I'm unhappy with the way things have gone. I'm pretty content.

But I wish I'd taken a few more chances and listened to a few more voices. I wish I'd asked more questions of others and of myself.

Perhaps I view regret as not such a bad thing, not such an awful loss of ..... whatever.

I've mourned. Therefore I've regretted.

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Regrets? I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention.

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Lash wrote:

I love your thought about the interconnectness of the oceans. I think you've solved my question of where my children will spread my ashes, and my husband's.

We had contemplated Ireland, but now I am more focused: I want them to go to Ireland and (if I don't literally wind up in their hair), deposit our ashes over the rocky cliffs of the Irish coast. Your thought is beautiful. Later, when they feel the need to be close to us, the beach is a serene, majestic place to go. We've walked many miles on beaches (hopefully will log a few more together), and it will be....right.

Thanks so much for that, lilk.

Wow! I'm so glad I could have helped!

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Remember Nietzsche's central philosophical principle: Amor fati. (love your destiny, i.e., regret nothing).

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Life: Looking Back, Looking Forward

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