Life: Looking Back, Looking Forward

Studying for Spanish oral exam and throwing a paper together.

I wanted to stop in and give an update.

NV is always making conversation with my baby now. I had to work a few days ago--when she had to go to her soon to be ex-husband's house and pick up a few items... It was a difficult day for her. NV offered to take her there and help her move. She said he was so sweet, thoughtful. He stood outside while they had the discussion about who was taking what...but when she'd come out and ask for a hand, he'd ask her if she was ok... She has a different tone when she mentions his name now.

My son came in to visit and NV's working again. It's ok, I thought, because we aren't going to be together much longer anyway. But, I'm talking to my son a couple of days ago, and he tells me NV called him as my son was leaving town...told him he was sorry he missed him...and he hopes to see him again before much longer. They had a small conversation...and my son says he really likes him. The *result* wasn't my concern--the *effort* was.

edit-- The thing that brought tears to my eyes as my son was telling me this--is NV never mentioned it. It was like he wasn't doing it for show--to impress me--he was genuinely reaching out to get to know my son because it's important to me. (smiling)

So many of the negatives are evaporating.

But, NO, I am not even thinking about changing my mind.

I'm drifting....and I've caught a nice cool breeze.

NV has to, at heart, be a decent guy. He caught your eye/ear/attention.

He just wasn't ready to be the decent guy you thought you needed.

If he stays in town, and you stay in town, you could grow to be friends.

You're both in a place to change.

Change is scary. Change is good. Right?

Somehow when reading your posts, Lash, I have the feeling you're
comparing NV to someone else and he's not measuring up.

Change...evolution...is a good thing, yeah, Beth.

CJ-- I've been asking myself about that the whole time. It's impossible to measure up to the mythology built around my relationship (completely long distance--I feel silly even calling it a relationship) with NY. We were so much alike ...sentence finishers ...same opinions on almost everything ...we instinctively knew things about one another... we were sure we were soulmates, meant to be together.

Even though I told myself that was stupid, it kept resurfacing in the back of my mind. I almost think part of me has been waiting for NY to happen. How horribly unfair for NV and how mentally whack for me. NY was just too big of a presence in my life.

It has taken a year, but I finally have come to terms with the fact that he and I missed our opportunity, and that's that. And, I'm constantly smacking myself for taking so long.

Signed,
Just yanked head out of clouds.

This doesn't negate the things I described. The negatives happened. I just wonder if I may have been different in any way if that bar hadn't been set so impossibly high.

Post-scripted by
Kicked self in own ass just now

{{{{{{{{{{ LASH }}}}}}}}}}

After reading the last few pages, there is nothing I can add that would be as wise or as practical. What a group of women!

All I can add is a look at the future. It took a long time for me to finally walk away from a relationship that was toxic. In a way, I'm sure it is harder for you because Vinnie is truly a nice guy. My most important lesson was that I should have come first far more often than I did and that I was stupid enough to just accept it. (Plus much, much more).

I think once you and Vinnie break up for good, you will go over in your mind what went wrong and how you could have been much better at standing up for yourself and you will compare that to what you have become.

While what you are going through is heartbreaking, I think you will eventually realize that it was an important life lesson that enabled you to become a much stronger person. After this is over, I can almost promise you that you will be amazed at how it added to your life in a very positive way. Not now, but it will happen.

And I agree about your kids. My sons were 28 and 31 when I left in 2003. They were very supportive, but also very worried. Since visiting here for the last few years, they have grown to love Bob. He is the kind of guy that is open and nonjudgemental. I don't know what would have happened if he had been remote towards them, no matter that they were grown and already out of the house.

I will always need a 'family.' I'm pretty sure that is also of the utmost importance to you.

One more suggestion: be sure Dys has washed his ears before you go and stick you tongue in one of them. Keep in mind that he spends a lot of time in the garage and in the garden...and it is very dusty here in New Mexico. :wink:

Edited to complete a sentence.

(washes tongue thoroughly!! decides to use tongue prophylactic in the future)

Thank you, sweetheart! You are right about family. It's not like I'm putting the children before me...they are me. Not ALL of me, but a vital part. I can see he's "getting that" now.

(rueful smile)

By some miracle, I got an A for my oral Spanish test. *whew*

I have a final Wed (I'll fail, but it's ok...I have an A, so I'll at least pass the semester. Probably limp out of ENG 4780 with a B. My brain is fried.

Then, on to my last semester-- It will be a difficult one-- I'm taking two Spanish classes at the same time (2001 and 2002). I just want to get OUT . I'll be substituting three or four days a week, so I will be super busy--but it's worth it to get done for once and for all.

I think I'm going to apply for apprentice teaching positions-- If I don't get one, I'll just go on to graduate school and another year of poverty. If I do get one, I'll get the MAT at night. Either way, (she's smiling at the light at the end of the tunnel.)

My son is off to (insert name of his MOST FAVORITE SCHOOL in the world here) this week-- his sister moves to a south Georgia college next week. We're all mobile and trying to cram our brains full. It makes me happy. I am so happy they are in school and blossoming so beautifully.

Lash<-----blessed

Bad Girl asks, "Are you sure it's all gone with NY?" Not to recommend going
crazed in that direction, but perhaps something slow, maybe even years away? Or, not, if it's clearly over.

NY, on a pedestal or not, seems to represent another level of connection that can be part of some really good relationships, not dreams, but real, with their difficulties too. I don't think knowing you like that kind of connection and seem to need it is a bad thing.

Of course, I'm still a starry eyed fool.

I think you're right, osso. If I didn't know that kind of connection was possible, I'd probably be looking for wedding dresses by now....and that would be wrong for NV and me. I am glad all of this has happened. I needed to know what I could only find out through this experience.

I'm not "looking" any more. I'm going to concentrate on my career, my children, travel and fun--and I'm staying alone until and unless I experience that deep connection again,
and it's mutual,
and it floats up to my door.

Re: NY. I realize the reality of our meeting may have never lived up to our expectations, so I'm trying not to idealize him...or us. We talked as recently as last week. (rueful laugh) He's finally developing feelings for a woman we both know. She's almost 20 years younger than him. I've met her. I like her. I told him I was backing off so he and his daughter wouldn't feel bad getting closer to her and more distant from me.... He sent a message asking how I was, asking if we could continue to talk. I don't expect we'll be talking much. I know this is the right thing to do.

He stumbled around this the last time we spoke, saying it sounded horrible...and I knew what he was going to say, "If this relationship doesn't work, is it awful to ask if I can call you, if we can try this over?" I told him that would be fine. I am basically going through what I put him through for the last year. It's ok, though. I've been to Drifting 101. I'm floating with the principles.

I am taking care of my stuff--balancing my priorities again. Feeling strong. Thankful I'll be busy with school, subbing, applying for jobs...I trust the thing that should happen, will happen.

Osso, you always did like NY...(laughing) Thanks, sweetheart.

Was just trying to edit, I'll add this before I read your post, Lash.


"On the other hand, I say to myself, there should be some differences, viva la difference (pretend french). But there will be anyway..."

Good post, Lash. Nods.

B in Spanish...on hiatus from classes for 2 weeks...going to cram Spanish. I have an ELAN class mixed in with the Spanishes---and I've completely forgotten what it's about...

on the subbing call list....

going to meet principals and get them reference ready...

tying up loose ends with funding for grad school...

My dog, Jack, moved in with me, the Italian and the cat...

He's 14. So old, but a few minutes a day, he acts like a puppy. Love him so much. He's been with me through thick and thin. (smiling)

Hopefully, got a B in Eng. My papers were all As, but the daily reading quizzes took my grade way down, likely. I was working almost full-time...not enough time to read 100 pages a day...

Lash, Hang in there! I worked full time and went to school full time. In a business class, I was sitting in the front row - and snoring. The class had a good laugh at my expense, but the prof knew my situation, and explained it to the class. Talk about embarrassed; but the the end justified all of that and more.

((((((Lash-Girl))))))

I smiled at your story, CI, thanks. You perservered!

Iz!!! I can't wait to hear of your travels!!!!!

B+ in Eng. Took my GPA down a smidgen, but at the moment, I just want to SURVIVE....

My apologies to everyone for being sorta stupid re: the new format. A few thoughts about our new environs.... I don't know how to navigate... I miss my lovely little blue list of new posts...where topics are...oh, THOSE things. If anybody can find me and hug me until I figure it out, I'd appreciate it... haha. Meanwhile, things are horrific at home...I'm on my third beer, and I don't know whether or not everyone is ignoring me...(laughing) Craven, if you can hear me, I still love you....

Have a cold one for me, Lash. I got two more hours to beer thirty...

Hugs

OMG! Thank you!! I'm not alone!! I think I figured out where the threads are now...I'll be ok. If not, I have more beer...haha...popping a cold one for Rockhead!!

Here's how you get that one back: Go to the Able2Know home page. On that page, select "topic age: all pages" and sort by "new posts". That makes it almost like the old "new posts" page.

Sorry things are still horrific at home... NV still around? Leaving soon, if so?