Never in my life have I felt so UNcomfortable

you shouldn't just "deal". you should face him, otherwise the bastard will keep doing it, and not only to you, but to other young women as well.

Yep.

This guy that the secretary had to confront seemed genuinely surprised/ abashed, like he thought he had a chance or something.

I'd guess that it had repercussions on how he acted beyond just her.

Tell him your boyfriend usually kicks the **** out of guys who bother you!!


Anon

I don't know whether this guy has even considered what you think about his heavy-handed romancing. He thinks he's a charmer playing with a cute little kitten.

He obviously flunked "Perceptive Awareness" at his last school. You may well have to give him one, dramatic, remedial lesson.

Practice saying, "I find your comments offensive." Speak up, loud and clear.

Well today was the one day I wore my clatter ring and I realized it when he was looking it is.. making it clear that I am single....

I spoke with my boss, I am not worried as much now

What I've gotten from this posting is that you are stunning and must endure these things often. You've successfully brought a number of people into your self-absorbed world by posting this and resoundingly failed to thank any of them for their concern. You may be a looker, but good manners are essential.

Btw... thank you everyone for your advice... as I always say...

Back to the point....

I have absolutely ZERO tolerance for someone making unwelcoming sexual advances. You absolutely do not have to put up with that, regardless of your relationship to him.

2 other posters were correct....

Say out loud and clearly "You are offending me with your comments"

Note: Don't say you FEEL offended. You don't feel offended, you ARE.

Scum bags like him are well aware that someone in your position will probably be hesitant to say anything.

As a matter of fact, after making a firm statement that he is offending you and he needs to stop, he might very well pull the old "Well, I was just trying to be friendly....he might even get to the point that you're a bitch for reacting like that....

He'd be trying to turn it around so that he is the misunderstood victim.

Don't fall for that crap. If you do before you know it he'll have you apologizing to him.

If I were you, I would document in writing what has happened so far. Just the facts, what exactly he said, what your bosses response was when you told her, what has happened since then. Don't put your opinion of why you felt your boss responded a particular way.

When he starts this crap the next time you see him. After telling him how it's going to be....tell him that you are documenting your conversation. Time, date, everything. Say that loudly enough so others hear you too.

Then....do document it.

You shouldn't be embarrassed.

He should be ashamed.

He's 41 years old, don't let him make you think he doesn't know what he's doing.

I've come to the realization that if he does do this again, I shall speak up... very politely and just ask him to stop.... if he continues, I shall be a little more stern (is that the word I am looking for)... and if he continues I will go through my boss, who I have informed on the situation.

Thanks again

What did your boss say?

Crazielady420- Is he married? If he is, I would make a reamark about how I am sure that his wife would be absolutely thrilled to know how he behaves when she is out of earshot. That might stifle him for awhile.

She just kinda nodded and said she will see what happens on Monday

No, he had a clatter ring on showing he was single, which could be a lie and he could have just taken his wedding ring off... I won't know that until Monday

Tell her you have 3 words for her if she can stick around that long: Sexual Harrassment Lawsuit.

If she is so worried about money, she'd better listen.
She is failing to protect you, her employee, from sexual harrassment.

so, you are going to be POLITE to someone who is not?
what makes you think he will respond to that?
Obviously, being polite isnt in his hand bag..


I would stand up , lean over my desk and look that man right in the eyes and tell him " Do not talk to me anymore. I do not like your comments and your sexual suggestions. Stop it and stop it now. You hear me? "

what's a clatter ring?



anyway, do what you feel best, but if this man really is a creep, you can be as polite as you want, he will keep it up until you get to the point. THEN, he's act like you weren't making yourself clear when you were being polite.

Telling someone....You are offending me. I don't want you to talking to me like that. Isn't impolite...he's being rude by being offensive.

have to be honest crazy, I don't agree completely with cliff, but you come on here telling everyone how embarrassed you are, but when given advice and validation to be very upfront with this person, it suddenly becomes "I'll politely tell him"

Are you having second thoughts about how bad it was?
Or, are you having a fantasy that if you're really nice and polite he'll "get it" and leave you alone.
Or, do you just want to prolong this threa?

The solution can be fast and quick and over and done with....or it can be fodder for pages of attention.

God shewolf, it's scary how we feel so identical about this.

I'm gonna get a weave tonight, and practice my neck movements.

Gonna weigh in here quick as I have to run off to dinner soon.

I definitely understand CL's thought process in being polite, at least I think I do. Quick pair of stories.

In early '87, I was 24 and lucky to have a legal job as things had not worked out at my last legal job. And there was a guy there who used to rub up against all of the women -- and I mean all of us, regardless of looks, age, job title, etc. -- while in the narrow corridor by the copier. I said nothing, and I don't recall anyone else doing so, either. But we never included him in lunch or anything like that. He was a paralegal, I was a young lawyer. He was a few months from retirement.

Shift gears, but same job, early '90, when I was 26 and newly engaged to RP. I was also fairly well close to fed up with the job and was looking for a way out of the law. A fellow lawyer, a few years behind me in schooling but about five years older than me, saw me and a female secretary walking down the hallway, and referred to us as "two tarts". My secretary friend thought nothing of it, I think she was unaware that tart is another way of saying hooker. I immediately went into the Administrative Partner's office and told him. The lawyer was disciplined after that. I don't think I ever got an apology out of him, although the partner did apologize on his behalf, to both me and my friend. I left that job a few months after that, but not due to that incident.

What was the difference between the two incidents? Time? Age? Severity? My own experience? My position in the firm? My love of the job which had turned to not liking it much at all? I have no idea.

We don't know what CL's stakes are. All we know is what's in the topic. The guy is a customer. And CL has a supervisor who isn't listening. We know these two things. And, really, not much else.

Who's to say what CL's options are? She's tried to talk to her supervisor. Personally, I think she should make another attempt, and really push it, but I say this from the comfort of my desk chair and the comfort of being over twice her age. Plus, there's nothing wrong, I feel, with not just going immediately from zero to sixty. CL, I think, has an idea, to start from one particular level, and see where it goes. And if that doesn't work, perhaps (I hope) she will escalate the matter.

But let's give her credit for starting, however small the start may seem to us. I should have made a stink about that jerk back in '86. I learned later that all of the other women in the office felt the same way I did. And we were not in a place that discouraged these kinds of reports. Yet we said nothing. It's been a couple of decades and hell yeah I'd do things differently now, but I'm not the same person as I was then.

Oh, and one more quickie observation -- one thing I think a lot of us have seen is a lot of advice is offered here on A2K, and that's great. But people don't always take it. Well, that's within their rights, isn't it? I mean, there's nowhere that anyone signs a contract that says they're going to immediately drop everything and take all advice given, no matter what it is and no matter how it may impact upon them. She may yet take more of our advice. Or not. But it's ultimately her decision, yes? And I'm thinking we should not be surprised or hurt or considering alternate motives just because she doesn't immediate take it.

I really hope noone is over-reacting here.