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Never in my life have I felt so UNcomfortable

 
 
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 10:54 am
Never have I actually hid at work, until today! I have been getting hit on by a 41 year old man... he is 20 years older than me... and he is going overboard... Flirting a tiny bit is one thing, but asking where I hang out and telling me how much of a pretty young thing I am and how he wishes he was young, but how he still considers himself young....

Going overboard to the point where everytime he says my name, I cringe... and to think this guy may go to school where I work for the next 9-10 months and I may have to deal with him everyday!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 3,706 • Replies: 63
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mac11
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 10:55 am
Is this a customer or a co-worker?

You need to shut him down somehow.
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DrewDad
 
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Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 10:56 am
Does he do it around other people?
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 10:58 am
I have never met this man in my life, he came in for an appt. today.... I have already told a co-worker about it.... and he just says it right out loud, some things he says quieter than others..... but it is still very uncomfortable for me
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 10:58 am
Crazielady420- Is he your superior? Even if he isn't, I do believe that what he is doing is sexual harassment. Tell him forthwith that if he doesn't stop, you will take this up with personnel. And say it like you mean it!
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 10:59 am
Oof, no fun. Evil or Very Mad

How do you react, CL?

This was happening at my hubby's dept., the secretary was being bothered by a guy and it was driving her bananas. He (hubby) advised her to just say something flat-out; I forget how it went, something like, "I'm a professional and demand to be treated as such," said firmly and with eye contact. The guy was abashed, and stopped.

If something like that doesn't work with this guy, you have a case for harrassment.
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sozobe
 
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Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:00 am
Oh, lots more info while you were typing.

Wait, I'm a bit confused, he's not a co-worker?
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:03 am
Sorry I forgot some of you didn't know I worked at a school.. he is not a co-worker... he is signing up for classes today, which means I will have to deal with him on a daily basis.....

I have just never had someone be so... disgusting.... I couldn't even get any work done cuz he wouldn't leave me alone'

And I can't tell him off, he is not an employee and he is a customer... I jsut have to deal I guess
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:04 am
I once, years ago walked past a construction site that was in a rather deserted area. Naturally, I started getting the whistles and dirty remarks. I let out with a string of epithets that would make a sailor blush. (Actually, I was very scared.) The guys reared up, and one of them said something like, "Alright lady", and they went back to their work.

I don't suggest that you do this, but I thought that you would like to hear the story. The point is, HE is doing something inappropriate, and needs to be brought up short!
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:07 am
I don't want to get fired for speaking my mind.... if he does enroll, I will speak up... if not then I will never see him again...
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:08 am
OK, the thing with the dept. secretary still applies -- the guy was visiting for a conference or something, not someone she worked with.

I think you are well within your rights to say something like that.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:10 am
Another time, a guy that I knew followed me home from work. We were on the subway. I told him that if he did not get off at the next stop, that as soon as I got home, I would call his wife and tell her what happened. He got off.

The point that I am making, is that you have to be assertive to fend off these clowns. The reason that they get away with their nonsense, is that they know that many women would be embarrassed to make a fuss.

Even if hs IS a customer, you do not have to put up with his behavior.
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DrewDad
 
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Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:14 am
Ask your boss for the company policies on sexual harassment. Then explain why if you are asked. You'll hopefully get some good advice.

In my experience young women are more tentative about asserting their rights on this matter. But you don't have to take it.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:15 am
I just tried talking to my boss... she walked away while I was in mid sentence, she doesn't care, she only cares about her numbers... and each new student is another number
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:18 am
Well, follow up.

Assertiveness is definitely the name of the game here -- not aggressive, not obnoxious, but assertive.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:20 am
If he is around, and starts up, I would say, in no uncertain terms, that you do not appreciate the way that he is talking to you. If he persists, I would say it out loud, so that the people around you will hear. That should embarrass him enough to slink away.
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Cliff Hanger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:22 am
Crazielady420 wrote:
Sorry I forgot some of you didn't know I worked at a school.. he is not a co-worker... he is signing up for classes today, which means I will have to deal with him on a daily basis.....

I have just never had someone be so... disgusting.... I couldn't even get any work done cuz he wouldn't leave me alone'

And I can't tell him off, he is not an employee and he is a customer... I jsut have to deal I guess


You don't just have to "deal"with it, you tell the man in a polite yet forward way that his behaviour is not appropriate. He ought to get the message.
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Cliff Hanger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:23 am
Crazielady420 wrote:
I just tried talking to my boss... she walked away while I was in mid sentence, she doesn't care, she only cares about her numbers... and each new student is another number


Then try again. You are beginning to sound like too much of a victim here.
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Heeven
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:26 am
Next time he does it tell him "I think that kind of talk is inappropriate" and then go back to your work. If he continues, ignore him. If he asks you questions related to the class he is taking or something that would require you to respond to him, as a client, then do so ... politely. However when he starts back with the comments and remarks, turn your head away and pick up some paperwork and ignore him until he stops. He will soon tire of your lack of response to him and eventually discontinue his inappropriate remarks. To be honest, people who try to be amusing can only tell the same joke once or twice. He probably got a blush out of you the first or second time he flirted and felt encouraged to continue and keep doing it. If he gets a very different response or no response from you now, he will get tired of doing it.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2006 11:27 am
Eh.. he is gone, he will be back on Monday... I can deal, I have done it before... it prolly won't be as bad as my old job

My old boss used to smack my ass and tell me about his sex life with him and his girlfriend... in graphic detail... I mean graphic...

I just told my boss that that guy made me feel uncomfortable
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