First let me clarify something that I must have misconstrewed at some point. He's not behind on his child support. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that he was. This is the bulk of our financial problems:
With his base pay at work and my pay combined we make just enough
to cover the bills. I have been trying to get him to see this for about a month and a half. He sat down at one point and "ran some figures" and came out with us being $500 over what we needed on a monthly basis. I think he missed the minus in front of that because when I ran the same figures mine had a minus because of extra bills we should be paying bigger payments on.
So all this time he's been thinking we're doing fine and I'm just worrying about nothing. He's been paying his bills and having nothing left over because that's all
his base pay covers. At the big blow out the other night, when I wrote the first post on this thread, I showed him in black and white that we are NOT ok. When he realized it he immediately started to blame me. Because I
wanted to move out of his parents house. I
couldn't wait to get the IRA money so I could get away from there... and so on. Which is true. We lived an hour from both our jobs and were both driving an hour each way to work (100 miles a day) and spending $80-$100 a week each on gas. Now how practical is that? "shrugs".
I ran the figures before we moved. I miscalculated on a few things. I've never had to fill an oil tank before and had no idea it was going to cost $500 for 3/4 of a tank.
But if we want heat... we gotta fill it, eh? Which is why I ran everything by him before we moved. I figured he would know more about this stuff than I, and he said it was all fine. I went on what he said, knowing that if I was wrong we could still make it work, things just might be a little tight for awhile until he starts selling some cars. That's fine. So, anyway, back to the story... I flipped when he started blaming me for everything, we screamed, we fought, we went to bed, and didn't talk again until last night. Yeah, it's been a tense couple of days here. So last night he told me he didn't understand why I am still so upset about this whole thing. We actually talked calmly about all this for the first time since we got married. I told him it was because he insisted on blaming me for everything and was unwilling to take responsibility for his part in all this. He told me that he knew he was harsh with some of the things he said, but he was "just trying to make an example". I told him that was not ok. That there is this running thing that happens in his family (which I've seen on several occasions) to rub peoples noses in their mistakes over and over, and to automatically look for someone else to blame when something goes wrong.
He said that's not what he was "trying" to do and I told him that regardless of if he meant to do it or not I wasn't going to tolerate him doing it anymore. I told him that he either needs to start taking responsibility for his part in this or just sit by and watch our marriage get flushed down the toilet. He said the "only" solution he saw to the problem was to put himself on my bank account. And I told him that was a load of crap. There are several other solutions, but because he want's
to be on my account that's the only one he's willing to consider as an option at this point. He got quiet. So, I went on to explain to him that I had realized recently through all this stuff that's been going on that, even though he's been saying everything is ok and we are fine financially. We aren't because he's barely making enough to cover his own bills. I apologized for not realizing this sooner. I pointed out that what has been happening is that he has been paying his bills with the money from his paycheck and treating the money I gave him to pay the discover card as part of his income. Not using it for it's intended purpose. I told him that I had agreed to pay a specific amount to pay that bill off, since most of the charges were mine, which I had followed through on. However, he hadn't, so the discover card is now his baby to figure out how to pay off, because not one more cent of my money is going towards it. (Don't worry. The card is in his name. If he doesn't pay it's on him not me.)
There was a lot more said which I had all typed up then when I tried to preview it I lost everything I had just spent an hour writing! Grrrrr
So, I'll just sum it all up for you. The decision was that I am going to be in charge of the finances from this point on. We are going to start a separate checking account at his credit union with both our names on it for bills. He is going to give me his paycheck every week which I will distribute as needed to bills combined with my check, and each of us will get an allowance. I realize this does not negate the fact that he was irresponsible with the money I gave him for the discover card. Unfortunately there's not a whole lot I can do about that except not give him anymore large sums of money to pay bills. Which I won't. So I guess we'll just have to wait and see if he follows through with this. I'm hoping this was all just a gross miscommunication on both our parts. But we won't know until next week. So what's the verdict? Do ya'll think this is reasonable?