Open relationships: Can they work?

nimh wrote:

Wow, you ask for advice, get lectured to (not by all you folks, admittedly). Remind me never to go to a2k with anything too personal ...

'We tell it like it is', yeah, "this is a relationshp forum" (said CoastalRat). Exactly. What are relationship forums for? Preaching to people? Didnt think so. Why would you even join a "relationship forum" thread - CR, say - when the entire issue discussed is something you cant imagine, wont imagine, cant understand and can only condemn? Whats the point? Getting to feel righteous?

nimh-notaswinger-butnofanofmoralindignationinrelationshipforumseither

Being that it is a public forum posted for any member to see and comment on, I'm not sure what you are complaining about.

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I really like that article you posted, ehBeth.

"Ethical slut" Laughing

Been there, done that, got bored. Very Happy

I truly think this is an individual thing. Very personal. If it works: go for it. If it doesn't: I guess it's your life anyways. I have serious doubts as to the "open relationship" as defined in ehBeth's article. Definetly not for moi.
I have screwed around a lot in 'untraditional relationships' and yet in my heart of hearts there is a special place for marriage (the closed relationship in my mind). My thinking is: just don't get married if you want others in the mix! I don't judge others who choose differently. Perhaps the marriage means something else to them.

I guess I wonder: Why marry if you aren't in it for the iron long haul of complete commitment? The benefits such as economics, social, etc.?!

To each his own. However, I envy relationships like Bella and Chaitea describe. It requires digging deep deep. You just can't get that in any other situation. It's special.

Hope everything works out for you.

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I appreciate everybodies response (or at least most responses). Obviously, if you read my other posts, my husband and I decided open wasn't for us. But I don't think I did a bad thing. I think we discovered something more about ourselves and our relationship.

I know this is a forum for relationships, and blah blah blah, and if I don't like the advice, then stay off. But really, I had to hear alot about how I don't know what love is nor marriage, and that simply isn't true. How can any one person judge another based on a choice that was briefly made and then decided it wasn't the right one? Just because you don't practice your marriage that way doesn't make it wrong or gross or disgusting. It just makes it different. I don't think it is bad to give each other freedom to try new things. Sometimes stale marriages need that kick. Or even incredible marriages.

Some people called what my husband did cheating. I don't. Cheating is something done behind your back, with feelings of guilt, and secretly. That is wrong, of course. Luckily for me though, I think I understand humans and relationships enough that I would be able to forgive my husband for something like that, and I know he would do the same. That is love. Forgiveness for everything and anything. So, please don't lecture me anymore, because you're not making me doubt how I feel nor my marriage.

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In my judgement, for what it's worth, regular marriages rarely "work" (and that's open to definition), while "open" marriages never work.

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ebeth-

read the article ....interesting.

Chai-

I didn't realize I said I was young, but yes I consider myself to be so. But then again, I refer to my mother as young and she orders off the senior's menu. Smile

Chai I happen to have fairly conservative views on marriage. I strongly believe in complete monogamy and have practiced monogamy in my dating relationships as well. At this point in my life, I am trying to re-frain from pre-marital sex completely.

Still, if someone doesn't share your definition of "love" and "commitment" I just don't see how it is beneficial or productive (in this context) to use your concept of love marriage as a standard. You and reid are talking two different languages. Although my understanding of marriage is based on my religon and I hold it as truth, I figured this isn't the time to hold up my 12in ruler if she's on the metrical system. (sorry for the lame analogy, and I'm pleased to meet you.)

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jpinMilwaukee wrote:

nimh wrote:
Wow, you ask for advice, get lectured to (not by all you folks, admittedly). Remind me never to go to a2k with anything too personal ...

'We tell it like it is', yeah, "this is a relationshp forum" (said CoastalRat). Exactly. What are relationship forums for? Preaching to people? Didnt think so. Why would you even join a "relationship forum" thread - CR, say - when the entire issue discussed is something you cant imagine, wont imagine, cant understand and can only condemn? Whats the point? Getting to feel righteous?

nimh-notaswinger-butnofanofmoralindignationinrelationshipforumseither

Being that it is a public forum posted for any member to see and comment on, I'm not sure what you are complaining about.

Oh everybody is allowed to post whatever they want, even if its "I dont understand your thing, I dont want to understand and I think its wrong".

I just dont see why one would ... or how one argues that that's what's fitting for a relationship forum...

(soooosawthatonecoming...)

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I had a girlfriend once who said we should have an open relationship. When she found out another girl came home with me she said "this isn't working out". What do you mean? I said those are your rules..."yeah but it's different, you like her" was the response. Separate sex from emotion? Give yourself a break and quit with the games!

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Open Relationships - Can they work?
Yes, they can. Some people aren't meant to be in relationships which restrict their spirit. Society and religion make people believe that there's just one 'right person'. Who says? I love deeply with many people, friends and lovers. I am with that person in the moment. Some people have singular relationships because they are afraid, self obsessed and possesive. Think outside of the box in everything you do. You never know what happiness and freedom may come to you! I am not fickle, selfish or inconsiderate, or wish to sleep around. I am respectful, caring and loving. Of course, it's not for everyone. But some people live unhappy lives because they feel they should be something they're not. Life is short and love is infinite and free. It shouldn't be restricted by society's perimeters.

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nimh wrote:

Oh everybody is allowed to post whatever they want, even if its "I dont understand your thing, I dont want to understand and I think its wrong".

So again... what are you complaining about, then.

nimh wrote:

I just dont see why one would ... or how one argues that that's what's fitting for a relationship forum...

Some of us, myself included, love our spouses like we have never loved anyone else before. Beyond that, I take our love for each other (my wife and myself) very seriously. The notion of loving someone that much and then wanting to share that with another person is incomprehensible to me. I simply can not understand how, if a person loves their spouse so much, they could allow the person they love to sleep with other people or go sleep with other people themselves. In my opinion, that is the antithesis of what love really means.

Beyond that, it is really annoying when people complain about people judging others the whole time being completely judgmental themselves. I voiced my opinion just like everybody else. If you don't like it, then complain about what I said... not about me saying it.

nimh wrote:

(soooosawthatonecoming...)

Wow!

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Open relationships: Can they work?

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