Reply
Wed 7 Dec, 2005 09:52 am
So I've been dating a guy for about 2 months. Things are good, I see him often. I would stay he spends the night at my house like 5 out of 7 nights. We go out quite a bit too. From the start I've asked him to be honest in terms of if he's seeing anyone else/hooking up with anyone else and what have you. He tells me over and over again that he's not and when would he even have time since he's always with me
So last night he calls me and we got cut off. He had been drinking. I try to call him back, then I realize that I have a voicemail. I check it and it's him. Only he is speaking to someone else. Basically what I heard was, yeah this chick I'm seeing I'm cheating on her all the f*cking time, the thing is she accuses me of it, but she has no proof, as far as she's concerned I'm being faithful, but she is just so suspicious. The other person, a guy was just kind of saying, yeah, uh huh. Then the stupid guy I'm seeing goes, hello, then says, sh*t i'm on the phone and hangs up.
Needless to say I'm speachless. He calls me back from his house, and I say what the f*ck is the matter with you. He laughs and says, oh you got that message didnt you, well I'm not really cheating on you. I ripped into him. He was like, i know, i know I'm so sorry, I just wanted my friend to think i'm a pimp daddy (!!) he's older and he's always got all these girls, I just wanted to sound impressive. He said this guy is someone he just talks to when he sees him at the bar.
I ended up crying and we spoke in person. He said I had every right to be mad, he couldnt believe what had happened but to know that he's not cheating on me or being with anyone else. He pointed out that he's with me all the time, when would he have time to be with anyone else, he likes me more than he's ever liked anyone, etc. I just cant make sense of the thing. I told him that I felt i'd be an idiot to continue things with him. He was all teary eyed and saying he doesnt want to lose me. I just told him that both scenarios of the situation are bullsh*t. If he is hooking up with someoen else he's a piece of sh*t. If he has to make up stories to impress friends he's a piece of sh*t. He's 21, I'm 22 by the way.
I mean his voicemail just sounded evil. I made him listen to it and he was like, i cant believe i said that, etc.
I dont know what to think. I cant say I even have feeling for the guy, I just kind of like his companionship, but I REALLY question his character. Either way the voicemail he left really tells about the kind of person he is. He's either a cheater or a liar and someone who is really insecure.
you know the old saying... when in doubt - don't
i'd cut it off with this guy. even if he just needs to show off in front of some stupid macho in a bar - why would you want someone who does that? you will not be able to rid yourself of the doubts and trust this guy again (nor do i see why should you).
Have to agree with dag here.
Hi diana, been awhile.
How'd you manage to get 4 years younger over the course of a year? ;-)
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=838367&highlight=#838367
If he really liked you how he says he does... then instead of saying he was a "pimp daddy" he'd be saying how lucky he was to have such a great girl...
My ex used to tell me he wasn't cheating on me and him and I were together the majority of the time... then I'd call him and ask where he was and he'd say his ex girlfriends, he was staying the night... but he swore up and down that nothing was going on, he was just stuck there... I somehow believed him somewhat... but then we went to a trip to NH to see some of his friends and one of the guys pulled me to the side and told about all the girls he cheated on me with.... Needless to say, I should have followed my gut instinct
Two issues here....
1. He is telling the truth when he brags.
2. He is lying when he brags.
1. Truth option. He is out in public, bragging about how he is taking you for a prize sucker, by "hooking up" (over in the UK, we don't soften the blow....we call it shagging around) with other girls. He then attempts to weasel out of it by spinning a yarn to you in the hope that he can get away with it.
2. Lying option. He is out in public, mixing with the sort of person who would find his "pimp" talk impressive. What is even worse, your man actually feels the need to impress such a person, to the extent that he will tell these awful stories that, in the end, make you out to be a prize sucker.
Either way, he is not exactly covering himself with glory.
How's about trying to find someone better, eh?
Good luck.
I have to agree with dag also. You even said it yourself, that you really don't have any feelings for this guy. You don't need him - you can do much better than someone that still feels he needs to show off to his drunken buddies like he's still in high school.
Should this be retitled.... are you all complete fools? hahaha
I was just looking up that previous thread thinking - this is the woman despertate for attention and in the process either picks the wrong men or turns them into the wrong men.
re
Fine i lied about my age because he is 5 years younger. Sorry...the whole situation is just embaressing.
That aside, I feel like I have not much emotion in the situation really. If i was only seeing him once or twice a week, I'd say, yeah he's really cheating on me. But I see him everyday, we have sex pretty much everyday. Unless he's some nymphomanic or sex addict I dont see why he'd need to go anywhere else-he even said the same thing. So the cheating thing just doenst make a lot of sense.
That aside, I still feel very disrespected. It's like, gee I guess you think highly of me to be talking to your friends like that about me. I havent met this person he was talking to-i have however met his family. Whatever. I would just think that if you really were cheating on someone, who says to their friends, hey i'm like cheating on this girl all the f*cking time. Most people I would think would be ashamed about it.
This morning he said again that there's nothing he can say other than what he told me and that yes he f*cked up big time and that i'm too good for him.
It's not like we are real serious...but we did say we werent going to see anyone else. On the other hand, I do have a guy that has been calling me who wants to take me out...i almost feel like why bother...all i meet are assh*les. The current guy kept saying today and yesterday, let me make it up to you, please, i love being with you. Like said, I feel emotionless right now. I cried last night, not over him, but just that someone would speak that way about me. Someone who is always so affectionate towards me expressing their feelings towards me...I just dont see how he could have said that about me. His response was, well I didnt call you any names, I just said I was cheating on you.
I think Soz should open a Detective Agency.
I am mightily impressed by that woman, sometimes.
Nah, I just have a weird memory -- crystal-clear on trivia, but where the HELL are my keys? (Wait, that just means I'm getting old, doesn't it...)
Actually I remembered the age because I remember being so surprised at it when it came up -- diana's problems are often of the early-teen variety.
re
well i just said why i lied. Christ I feel like everytime i post here, my old problems are brought up. Either give me advice or dont respond. I dont appreciate my past being brought up.
The thing is that the past usually has a direct bearing on your current problems. GreenWitch said it well.
Having sincerely attempted numerous times to help, and seeing those attempts go absolutely nowhere, I have little faith that any further attempts would accomplish anything. As always -- learn to be self-sufficient; continue with therapy; get to a place where you can be in an adult relationship. This latest post seems to indicate you're not there yet.
He's 21 and immature. You know that you have immaturity issues, so why expound them by dating someone so much younger? Men are usually behind women anyway up until the late 20s, early 30s. He's probably a very nice kid, but jeez, he's 21.
Let me just list the challenges this current relationship has.
1) Age difference with maturity issues.
2) Insecurity (both of you)
3) Over-reliance on sex for intimacy
4) Problems with honesty
5) Lack of attachment
I don't think this will work very well, and you probably won't either. Think of it as an experience. See if you can manage to end this dead-ender in less than a month and take soz's advice.
re
I just feel drained right now. I feel like I will never really know if he was cheating or not. I am the type who will ask about it 100 times only to get the same answer of no. I dont get why he wants to hang onto me so much. He was saying things like his life is out of control, he says and does dumb things and then it blows up in his face. At one point i said, you need to change, he says, i know I need you to change me. I said, I cant change you, you can only change yourself. I am just MAD because I do have fun when I'm with him. No there's no serious attachment, but I havent had this much fun with a guy in a long time. I feel like there always has to be some catch.
I dont know if i mentioned there is another guy asking me out. Catch? he dated my cousin. I'm just wondering when am i EVER going to meet anyone who doesnt have a catch.
Re: re
diana78 wrote:I just feel drained right now. I feel like I will never really know if he was cheating or not. I am the type who will ask about it 100 times only to get the same answer of no.
If you know the answer, or you won't believe the answer, why not stop asking?
Quote:I dont get why he wants to hang onto me so much.
21, getting sex at least 5 nights a week with no strings attached. What young man wouldn't want to hang on to that?
Quote:I dont know if i mentioned there is another guy asking me out. Catch? he dated my cousin. I'm just wondering when am i EVER going to meet anyone who doesnt have a catch.
You know that old saying about when you stop looking...
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace